It’s always been hard for me to admit when I need help. God has always been here for me. He uses me to help others and provides me with what I have needed. I am very grateful, but this isn’t about me. This life never was. I learned a long time ago that we are nothing without each other. Survival on any planet is impossible alone. We can see each other’s faces but ignore each other’s pain. I hurt. Right now I hurt so bad that tears are falling as I write this. I was praying and God directed me here. I did not know that this web site existed. I have never posted on anything about needing money. It’s hard to admit that I need help but I must because this is very important to me.

My best friend is not well. She would be mad at me if she knew I was writing this. She is an amazing woman. She beautiful, talented, smart, and kind. She is really amazing. So amazing that others have to tear her down. Rip her apart and take away her spirit. She is a victim of domestic violence and abuse. A victim of repeated sexual assault and abuse. She so mixed up in everything that she doesn’t understand when someone is genuinely being kind to her. I always show her kindness and she hates me for it. Maybe the word hate is too much but that’s how it feels sometimes. I know she’s just not used to feeling like somebody cares but I do. I want her to know that I’m not the only one who cares about her.

The town we live in is not all that great. People see her, use her, and abuse her like she has the word “victim” written on her forehead. It is almost like a coordinated attack. They must have meetings or something. They are good at what they do. For years I have stood in between them and her. I fight to keep them away and to keep her safe. Some how, someone slips in and tries to remove me to isolate her and it starts all over again. She doesn’t understand that sometimes people just really aren’t your friends. A friend will lift you up and not tear you down. A friend will bring you back to light and not just take yours away. A friend cares about you even when you hurt them. A friend understands and loves you. A friend respects you.

As I write this, I realize that my best friend is not my friend. She hurts and abuses me often but I stay to protect her. I promised God that I would. I don’t want to break that promise. If that makes me stupid then I’m stupid. I know that she is traumatized by what she has been through. I understand though. Her early life was horrific. None of the adults around her cared enough to even show love. They just drank and smoked their lives away. They failed to care and nurture their baby. The couldn’t even protect her from themselves. She had normalized what monsters do to her. It makes me sick. No one should have to live this way. I know that she agrees with that because she told me that she would rather die than keep going through this life the way it is.

People are the product of their environment. A stable home helps build a stable person. I was very lucky as a child. My mother worked hard to give us everything we needed. I remember her saying that you might not have everything you want but you have everything that you need. She was right. Even though I couldn’t see everything the way I do today back then, I had love. I never saw her drunk. I never seen her smoke anything. I didn’t even know that my friend’s parents struggled with things like addiction. It didn’t exist in my household. In adulthood I learned what life was really like and looking back I can see what I missed growing up. Broken parents make broken children. It is not the child’s fault. It is not my best friend’s fault. I know that I said she abused me but abuse is what she knows. That’s horrible and I wish to change that. I don’t want her to die like this. She is a good Christian woman but everyone in her life is there to take everything away and keep her apart from what she truly believes. People can be truly evil but in my heart I believe that there are more good people than bad.

I was praying this morning and I asked God to help me find a way to pull together enough money to relocate my best friend. I picked up my iPad, opened chrome, and God showed me GiveSendGo. Shine Brightly is something I say to people as we part. I was out of town and I told her that if she needed me to come find me. I didn’t expect her to come. She did. When I knew she was on her way I asked God for a miracle. He made it happen. She drove 6 hours in a car that her boyfriend had done his best to destroy. The trunk and taillights all smashed in with window broken out and the windshield cracked severely. She had no license, no insurance, expired registration but she made it to me. In two weeks, we had already found a new church. She didn’t even think about her addictions. It was a very happy time for me. She said that I was the best time of her life. We had to come back to where we are from to take care of her house. People had been breaking in and stealing things and trashing the property. I regret saying that we should go take care of this place because I didn’t want it to reflect badly on her. In less than two days they descended on her. They sunk their teeth in and drug her back down. I know that she doesn’t want this. She told me that she has a hard time saying no to her friends because she thinks that they are just being nice to her. There not being nice. Friends want friends to get better. Like any illness addiction spreads. She wants help and they bring her more and put it in front of her face. Her goal is to be clean and sober. Their goal is to make sure that doesn’t happen.

If you are still reading this. Thank you. May God bless you and all of your loved ones. I want to help my best friend move away from this place permanently. We need to leave and get away from these “friends”. I want to go back to our happy place. We have found it.

It exists. If you can, please help me get us established there. Help me save my best friend. I know what I said about her not really being my best friend but that was kind of joke to say that I understand what she’s going through. I don’t want her to go through it anymore. No one should ever have to. I love you guys. Thank you for reading this. Thank you for everything. Shine Brightly.