My name is Bill. I’m a disabled veteran. I have arthritis in my back which presses on my nerves and causes neuropathy in my left leg and foot. It also affects my sciatica nerve which is very painful. Ive been under a doctors care for the last ten years. I take 2400 milligrams of Gabapentin every day since 2016 for the pain. Like anyone I have good days and bad days. The tingling and burning in my toes is sometimes unbearable and sometimes just aggravating. I also have some severe mental health disorders. I suffer from Borderline Personality Disorder and Severe Depression Disorder. I have serious problems regulating my emotions and behaviors. Thanks to my BPD I have had a long history of doing very dangerous things and taking extreme chances with my own life. I also have had a history of violence and intimidation towards others. Sometimes resulting in serious physical harm to others My depression has a tendency to last several months at a time. I didn’t know that I had these disorders until I went to the Veterans Administration Hospital in Arizona in 2016.

The physical maladies were a result of injuries I had received in my Army training for before Operations Desert Shield and Desert Storm way back in the 1980’s. Because of these injuries I was state side during those operations in 1991. I served in the Army from 1987 until 1995 when I was honorably discharged . Soon after that I fell in love and started a family. I was a truck driver , and I drove everywhere and back. I was always having interpersonal issues with my co-workers and family members and those problems often got me fired . Days I was in pain from my back injuries I would take longer than usual to do my job. On those days I would usually be questioned about my performance and my time management skills or lack there of. I would react to these questions by being indignant. Then using my size, I was 6”2’ and 240 lbs , I would intimidate other employees or even my supervisors. There were plenty of opportunities to inflict pain on people at the bar I was either drinking at or working at. When I was in between trucking jobs I would bounce at different bars and nightclubs in and around Philadelphia. I knew that I was in pain but I didn’t go to the doctor because I said I couldn’t afford it. I thought I enjoyed people being scared of me.

Unfortunately with the lack of professional help and medication I turned to street drugs, which often made things much much worse. As you might imagine the use of illicit street drugs was slowly driving a wedge between my wife and I. I was never violent towards her or my sons but thats not much of a concession when you’re running around the city fighting anyone who was dumb enough to get with in arms reach of the maniac that I was becoming. My life got more and more dangerous and I took chances that even the people I hung around with would think twice about taking. Things would settle down for a few months and then come roaring back with a vengeance. I was a big drug crazed biker who wouldn’t think twice about challenging anyone to a fight. Cops or other crooks there was no difference in my mind, everyone was trying to take me on. When I wasn’t driving I was bouncing, and when I wasn’t bouncing I was collecting drug debts for some very unscrupulous people. I was even a paid thumper for a handful of verified maniacs. This went on for 20 years. I still wouldn’t see a doctor because I had drugs to ease my pain and drugs to change my mood. I was the epitome of the self medicating fool who refused to see a medical professional. My fellow criminals would never suggest that I should go to the doctor because you never knew what I would react or what I would do but they knew questioning me wasn’t a good idea.

I got remarried and believe it or not but thats union didn’t last either. My romantic relationships were doomed from the beginning and they always ended up in flames. Finally, after what would turn out to be my last interaction with law enforcement , I decided that I not only needed help but I wanted it too. Both of my sons had graduated high school and I sat with them and discussed my plans for going to the VA hospital and getting the help I needed. I packed up my belongings into an Airstream I had and I flew out to Tucson Arizona. I kinda knew someone who lived there and they were willing to let me stay at their house. Only after an incident where it was alleged that I had attempted to kill a stranger did I get the mental health diagnosis of Borderline Personality Disorder. I had been diagnosed with severe depression in 2017 , but in 2018 I spent some time in the psych ward at the VA hospital , and that’s where I was diagnosed with BPD.

rBorderline personality disorder is a mental health condition that affects the way people feel about themselves and others, making it hard to function in everyday life. It includes a pattern of unstable, intense relationships, as well as impulsiveness and an unhealthy way of seeing themselves. People with borderline personality disorder have a strong fear of abandonment or being left alone. Even though they want to have loving and lasting relationships, the fear of being abandoned often leads to mood swings and anger. It also leads to impulsiveness and self-injury that may push others away. Borderline personality disorder usually begins by early adulthood. The condition is most serious in young adulthood. Mood swings, anger and impulsiveness often get better with age. But the main issues of self-image and fear of being abandoned, as well as relationship issues, go on. Impulsiveness involves having extreme emotions and acting or doing things without thinking about them first. This explained my behavior & my life to a tee. I began taking the medication I needed all these years and started therapy which has been unbelievably helpful. In 2025 my oldest son told me that him and his girlfriend were expecting a son and he told me that he wanted me to come home to Bucks County where they lived. At that point I packed up my dog and what was important into my raggedy SUV and drove 2300 miles on the weekend of Black Friday. It cost $1700 to get back in gas, food, motel rooms and two blowouts in desolate areas of New Mexico and Missouri. My parents had set up their spare bedroom for me and my dog Pickles, The plan was to get back, settle in and get a job and somewhere to live. Due to my medication I wasn’t able to get a job in Arizona.

I was not prepared for the severity of the side effects of the 14 different pills I took three times a day. In the beginning I was taking 32 pills a day, but over time I had gotten better and better and now I am only taking 14 pills each day. I got a job being a flagger for road construction which wasn’t easy on my physical injuries but I did my best and things were working out. I had to take a drug test and knowing about the medication I take I cleared it before I accepted the job with the recruiter. As you might guess the test came back positive. The next day I was expecting to have to show the job that I had prescriptions for the medication that gave a false positive to their drug test. To my surprise they didn’t ask me for my prescriptions they just fired me. Seven weeks of working for the first time in ten years and now I’m back to where I started. I had calls into the Philadelphia VA hospital for housing assistance. I had already been enrolled in a program known as HUD-VASH, Housing and Urban Development-Veteran Affairs Supportive Housing , basically it’s section eight for veterans. I was told that after I spent twelve months in the county I was first issued a voucher I could port my voucher to anywhere in the United States and it would be accepted. So I planned to utilize my earned voucher to get a place to live in Bucks County.

What I wasn’t told is that once I stopped using it, like to move back east that I would lose my voucher and I would have to begin the long a tedious process all over again. Now you can imagine the difficulty of living with me and my health issues, and my mom and step dad are senior citizens. My step dad has had his own health problems like open heart surgery and three different types of cancer. He is in remission but he still has health issues as well as my mother. Living with them at 58 with all three of us having health problems is a challenge to say the least. Now add into the mix that I have serious mental health issues that need explanation to anyone who has never heard of the term Borderline Personality Disorder. Last Thursday , after I blew up at them over something trivial, they decided that they couldn’t do it anymore and I needed to move out. I had attempted to explain the Veteran Administration offers me many benefits but that it takes forever to go from my asking for them to my receiving the benefits.

If the US armed forces taught me one thing it’s hurry up and wait. I can only ask for benefits and it takes how long it takes for me to get them. So here I am, with hat in hand electronically begging for money. I have to move out and without my housing benefits I can’t afford to find a place of my own. I don’t know how long it will be before I get my voucher reinstated what I do know is that I have to move out. I need enough money to pay for a years rent because nobody will rent to me on just my promise of my getting a voucher. I have a 30% disability from the VA but I deserve more and I have attorneys who have been working on getting me what I have earned, but true to form even suing them takes time. I don’t know what else I can say to the world but I need help, and I need the one kind of help that my family can’t give. Your donation means everything to me. I don’t drink or do drugs and I haven’t since I’ve gotten the help that I needed. With therapy I don’t try to hurt myself or anyone anymore. I’m just a disabled veteran who needs your help. Today I know how to ask for help and I need your help. Thank you