The silence in the house used to be a luxury, but now it just felt heavy, punctuated by the recurring hum of the refrigerator and the weight of letters Im terrified to open. Every time I see a "past due" notice, it isn't just about the money; it’s a physical jolt that pulls me back to the nights when my own child was used to hurt me .

It's been a long road of trying to untangle myself from that mess, but the medical bills are the one of the hardest parts—they are the tangible, expensive proof that the stress of that time actually damaged my body. I’ve tried to pour that energy into my art , but when I look at the medical debt piling and declining of my health , physically and emotionally alongside the daily expenses for my home and other expenses the math just doesn't add up, no matter how hard I try.

I reached a breaking point where I realized that if I don’t find a way to handle these costs, I’m just going to keep cycling through the same patterns of survival, never actually living. I’ve spent the last 8 years filing formal complaints with the court and reaching out to government agencies just to get my own affairs in order, and it’s exhausting to feel like I’m constantly fighting just to be considered a person on paper again.

I am tired of the exhaustion. I’m tired of looking at my bank accounts and seeing the echoes of a life I’ve already walked away from. I’m ready to stop being the one who is just "surviving the aftermath" and start being the one who is actually in control of my future, free from the shadow of that relationship and the debt it left behind and the sickness and sadness it’s left me with . My health is rapidly declining and it’s scary .