Let’s be honest. I’m not here to give you some long, inspirational story about changing the world. I’m here because I want money. There, I said it. No fancy speeches, no violin music, no inspirational sunset photos. Just me, standing here with my hand out like, “Soooo… you got a few dollars?”

I have dreams. Big dreams. Unfortunately, dreams are apparently not accepted as payment for groceries, bills, gas, or the random stuff that mysteriously costs $47 when you swear you only went into the store for one thing. So I’ve decided to take a different approach: asking strangers on the internet for money. Honestly, it’s a business model I can get behind.

Maybe you have a dollar. Maybe you have five. Maybe you accidentally have $100 sitting around that you forgot about. I’m not here to judge. I accept all denominations of generosity. Coins? Sure. Bills? Absolutely. A suspicious amount of money you found between your couch cushions? Sounds like destiny to me.

And before you ask, “What exactly are you going to do with my money?” The answer is simple: probably something responsible… eventually. But first, I’d like to experience the rare and magical sensation of looking at my bank account and not immediately whispering, “Well, that’s unfortunate.”

Think of your donation as an investment in my continued ability to exist comfortably on this planet. For the price of a coffee, you could help me feel slightly less financially stressed. For the price of lunch, you could make me feel like a millionaire for approximately six minutes. And for a really generous donation, I may actually start checking my bank account just for fun.

So if you’ve ever wanted to say, “I gave money to someone on the internet for absolutely no reason other than they asked,” today is your lucky day! Every dollar helps, every share helps, and every person who donates gets my eternal gratitude. And if you can’t donate, that’s okay—just share this fundraiser so someone else can give me their money. 😂