In the same spirit as Andy Dufresne's sage life advice from The Shawshank Redemption, my sisters and I are establishing this campaign to help our parents "get busy living". If you're curious what that means exactly, there are some specifics below, but for now I'd like to explain our decision to start this fundraiser.
When we first heard the news of our dad's pancreatic cancer diagnosis, my sisters and I experienced a number of mixed emotions: shock, confusion, sadness, anger, sympathy, and helplessness. We wondered why this was happening, what it meant for the future, what needed to be done in the present and definitely, how we could possibly help the situation. And while our emotions still vary day to day as we adjust to this new normal, I can confidently say that the one feeling we are not experiencing is loneliness. There has been such an enormous outpouring of support for my dad, my mom and our whole family, and we are truly grateful for all of the kind messages we’ve received. We deeply appreciate that you all are willing to share our burdens and offer up your heartfelt support. It truly has been so incredibly comforting.
In all of this support, many of you have asked how you can help and offered your assistance, however we may need it. And so, my sisters and I would like to invite you all to an opportunity to provide real, tangible help for my family. This campaign will look to help my parents by offsetting all the costs associated with fighting cancer, including those associated with making memories with loved ones and living life to the fullest. In short, it will help my parents “get busy living”.
As my sisters and I look to help my parents, we are learning that helping my mom and dad looks different each day. Some days it looks like preparing a meal, some days it looks like helping with an errand. Some days it looks like bringing the grandkids over to bring joy and laughter, some days it looks like giving Grandad the space to take a nap. Helping may look different each day, but every day I know there are two specific areas where my parents could use as much help as possible: prayer and financial support. And so, we are unashamedly asking for your help in those two areas. If you would like to help, we would ask that you do the following:
1) Pray
Please commit to praying each and every day for my dad. Pray that he would be sustained with energy, wisdom, strength, and vitality as his body undergoes these new experiences. Pray that the tumor would shrink to the point where it can be resected. Pray that my dad would receive the chemotherapy well and have limited or no side effects. Pray for Dr. Monahan, my dad's excellent oncologist, and her team. Pray for her decision making and that she would be guided by the Holy Spirit. Pray for my dad's energy levels, that he would be able to maintain a high standard of living while undergoing this cancer treatment. Pray for my mom. Pray that she would be blessed with patience, strength, compassion, resilience and joy through this difficult season. Pray for Broomfield Presbyterian Church, my dad's church that will acutely feel this major change in his life circumstances. Pray for my dad's family and friends that they would feel the peace of God that transcends all understanding as we go through this process. Pray as the Spirit leads you. All of your prayers are appreciated and we firmly believe that God hears our prayers, meets us in our grief, and is sympathetic to our concerns. We believe that our Heavenly Father wants us to live abundant lives while we're here on earth and prayer is the best way to connect us to the giver of life. Our hope is that the body of Christ is strengthened in the midst of these trying circumstances, and prayer will be the connection that binds us all together.
2) Provide financial support
While helping does look different each day, there is one unfortunate throughline: it all costs money. I know that none of us can individually take on the burden of covering the costs of my dad’s cancer treatment, but I am confident that collectively, we can ease the pain of this unexpected burden for my parents. All of the tests, scans, chemotherapy, medicine, copays, premiums and deductibles are really going to add up (they already are), and the timing of these expenses is quite inconvenient given an uncertain outlook for my dad’s health insurance as his church joins a new Presbyterian denomination and he applies for Medicare. (I’m sure he doesn’t want me to disclose his age, so if he asks, you didn’t hear it from me.) Would you please consider donating to help alleviate the burden of all of these additional expenses?
In addition to covering the cost of unexpected medical bills, we’d also like to establish a fund that my parents can use however they see fit to get busy living. The genesis of this idea actually came, in part, from my dad’s doctor, Dr. Monahan. She said that she encourages all her patients to go and live their lives, and to live them well. She told us that she and her team work so diligently to treat and beat cancer because they are motivated to deliver a quality of life for their patients that meets and exceeds the lives they led before diagnosis. She said if there are trips that need to be taken, or sights that need to be seen or any experiences that need to be experienced, that we should actively look to make those possibilities a reality. And so, I am looking to send my parents on a “trip of a lifetime” this coming summer after my dad’s first round of chemo. We don’t have all the details planned yet, but a piece of my Dad’s soul yearns to experience Scotland, so that will certainly be included. (He truly is a Presbyterian minister, isn’t he?)
To close, I’d be remiss if I failed to mention how this entire situation reminds me of my Dad’s favorite movie, It’s a Wonderful Life. If you haven’t ever seen it, there are spoilers ahead, but it came out in 1946, so you can’t blame me for not giving you a chance to watch it before. I have seen it many times, as it was required viewing in the Buechner house growing up, so I will share some pertinent details.
In the movie, the main character, George Bailey, finds himself in dire straits, needing $8,000 in order to prevent his family business from going under. George is at the end of his rope, contemplating suicide, when an angel in training, Clarence, is sent from heaven to help George recognize how much he means to those in his life. George asks Clarence if he happens to have $8,000, and Clarence replies that they don’t use money in heaven. “It comes in pretty handy down here, bub” George famously replies. (I can’t tell you how many times my sisters and I have heard my dad quote these lines.)
Throughout the rest of the movie, George learns just how much he means to his family, his friends, his loved ones and his community. He sees the impact he has had on countless people and when the call to help George is relayed across his circle of influence, the entire community rallies around George and raises enough money to cover the $8,000 debt and more. The closing scene of the movie reveals a note from Clarence that reads “Dear George, Remember no man is a failure who has friends.”
Friends, my dad is George Bailey. Truly. He has often compared himself to George and I know he is deeply connected to George’s story in the movie. I can’t help but recognize the similarities between George and my dad’s situations, and I want to extend an invitation to all those that love my dad to be like the community that rallied around him in the movie. Not just because you love my dad, but also because the money "comes in pretty handy down here" too.
We are so thankful that you all have surrounded my family with love in these difficult times. It means so much to us and we are humbled, blessed and eternally grateful for you. Please consider donating to this fund and please continue to pray for my dad and mom in all this. And if nothing else, please go watch It’s a Wonderful Life. My dad will be glad you did.
