I am the youngest of 4 siblings. My oldest sister past at 50 years old from hepatitis with complications, and my youngest brother killed himself the day my 1st son was born, leaving myself, and my oldest brother, Mark, behind. These have been tragedies that have fueled the worst downfall to my life that I would have never even imagined as a young girl. I'm not laying black for my poor choices. I just feel that my entire family was affected by this in different ways and Noone chose to share their pain with each other. I, have lost everything. Every night. I fight sleep as hard as I can, because for one, I always dream of the past and what I've missed and for another, I don't want to have to wake in the morning, just to do this all over again. Day in, day out. I'm not living. I'm existing. As my father aged, he suffered from dementia and would not acknowledge me as his daughter. As a child, I was always his favorite. I wrote him many letters, that I think we're never given to him, and I was kept away from him by my remaining older brother as well. My Dad past away 2 Novembers ago. I was not informed that he died, or let alone, that he had a funeral. Just another member of what I have known as my family, has died without knowing how much they meant to me. Now, his girlfriend is living in his house and spending his money like it's hers. She is not going to live much longer, and I imagine what is left will go to her children, whom I know for a fact, my dad did not like and he would roll over in his grave if he knew that everything he worked for his entire life was going to be left to 2 grown men he never liked to begin with. I know 1 of them was in prison. I've tried to go talk to his girlfriend and she won't answer the door. I've sent letters asking her if I could please have some old photographs and maybe a dish or 2.. they are sentimental to me . His entire estate is worth about a million dollars and she can't give me a picture and a dish? She went on a trip after my dad's funeral. I just feel so helpless because I can't do anything without a lawyer and I'll never be able to afford that. So please, help me to get some sanity and put things in their rightful place. My brother is no help. I think he might know some things he hides from me. Noone takes me serious or even checks to see how I'm doing. I want to rise above all the death and have some kind of joy in my life at some point.