This is a complete shot in the dark, and to be honest... I'm tired of disappointments and rejection so i'm scared to even post this. But ...I am relying on my Lord and Savior, my faith, and you. I'm just a 45yo guy who has gone through a lot in my life. I've made a lot of mistakes, and i have no one to blame for a lot of things that have happened in my life. But there are some things that weren't in my control. My aim isn't to make myself out to seem like the best person in world because i'm far from being perfect. But truthfully, i feel like i'm no one. I don't have any friends because I've always been a very quiet person, and the few friends that i did have often took advantage of my kindness. It's always been hard for me to make friends because i'm so shy as well. I also don't have any family which is a very long story. But the short version is that outside of my immediate family, those people have never been family and when they were around, they caused a lot of heartache. I quit college to take care of my dad who was very very sick in 2002. My mom was out drinking and chose to leave my dad to fend for himself which is why chose to take care of him. My dad passed away in 2004 and my mom took all of his belongings and sold them and just stopped talking to me. I have a brother but he won't speak to me and i don't know why. All i can think of is that my mother told him lies about me or something. So, i haven't had friends or family for 20 years now. When my dad passed away and my mother did what she did, i went off the deep end and started using heroin to self medicate. I was a heroin addict for many years, which destroyed a lot of my life. In my addictions i did a lot of things that just weren't in my character. One day i took a good long look at myself and what i had done and i was disgusted. I hated myself. So, I decided that i was going to get clean....and i did. It has been 14 years, and to this day i am still clean. I don't smoke, i don't drink, and i don't do drugs.

Even though, i am clean and I've been clean for 14 years...that doesn't mean that life is great. Life still happens regardless. I was diagnosed with a pituitary adenoma which is a brain tumor on the pituitary gland. My endocrinologist doesn't believe it is cancerous but it is growing. The tumor stops ALL testosterone production in my brain, and it gives me unbearable migraine headaches. I am supposed to be taking testosterone injections every week and i am supposed to be taking medication for my migraines. But i can't afford that medication and i don't have medical insurance. I was employed full time but my job didn't offer benefits. I was living paycheck to paycheck but then i lost my job through no fault of my own. As i already explained, i don't have any family or friends to turn to for help so i decided to swallow my pride and sign up for food stamps and Medicaid. But i was denied. I wasn't just denied once. I was denied twice.

As if things weren't bad enough, i few months ago my apartment was burglarized along with the apartment downstairs. They took everything of value that i had. They took my gaming pc (which wasn't great but i was grateful to have it), my monitor, my playstation 4, several swords, and they even stole my 2 xenomorph display figures. Now, i'm left with nothing. All i have is my phone that i am typing this on.

I hope that it doesn't seem like i am rambling, i just want to be completely open and honest. I have been looking for a job, any kind of job right now. I am extremely far from being lazy, so I've made it a point to walk the city and apply at any place that i can. I have walked so much that the only 2 pairs of shoes i have, actually have holes on the bottom of both pairs of shoes.

All of my life i have been a very creative person and i love working with my hands. I draw and i paint with acrylic, but my main passion is woodworking and doing extremely intricate custom furniture, artistic wooden displays, etc. My dad taught me all about woodworking and i want to make him proud. I am tired of being rejected by jobs and i desperately need some kind of good news or something positive to happen for me. That is why i am posting this. I want to rent a studio or a workspace where i can create everything that i mentioned. I also need tools that aren't cheap. Even though i would definitely prefer to do these things on me own, i can't do it alone and as ashamed as i am, i have to ask for your help. Having nothing, and being in my head all the time isn't healthy. Depressed is an understatement for how i feel. It is extremely hard knowing that if i passed away today, no one would care. I always liked being by myself, but having no one is lonely in a way i can't describe. It is something i wouldn't wish on anyone. I need an outlet to not only make money, but to give me a purpose and leave a positive mark on the world. I don't have any pictures of my work because it has been a very long time since I've been able to do woodworking, but that isn't something i could just forget. I do have many drawings and paintings that i can show to vouch for my creativity and skills. There are so many things that i want to create and i have a lot of love to pour into my art. Just another few things i plan on making are actual ship models and logos from the game No Man's Sky, hand made pieces from the show The Orville like furniture, decorations, stained, and painted Sigil crests for each house from Game of Thrones, hand made, painted, and stained personal family crests, modified furniture with artistic inlays and secret compartments, resin and wood coffee tables, resin and wood tables for warcraft players/magic players/etc. I have so many ideas and all it is going to take is for you or someone to believe in me.

It is not like me to ask for help, and i am ashamed. I haven't talked to anyone about the things i have gone through recently, mostly because i don't have anyone. But even if i did, i wouldn't want to bother anyone with my problems. Everything that i typed is the brutal truth about myself. I'm a very flawed person, but my kindness and my loyalty are unnegotiable. I work extremely hard and i want to put my energy and passion into my woodworking, and want to make a difference. I feel like a no one, but i am praying that some people read this and believe in me. Anyone who donates, i will personally make something for you. I truly hope and pray that this finds the right people and they take a chance on me. If you are able to donate, thank you so much from the bottom of my heart. If you can't i completely understand, but if you could....please share this.

Thank you for reading all of this. I genuinely hope that you have a great day!