Hello everyone! I know I keep to myself but it's for a good reason. I'm sick and I don't have a lot of energy anymore. I save all of my energy for my 8 and 12 year old sons care, happiness and schooling. My illness has gotten so bad, I can't walk at the beginnings of my days, or by the ends of my days. I'm always running on empty but I never give up. My hands shake really bad from the chronic pain in my entire body and it makes it really hard to do anything, even type or play a game. Sometimes, if I have done a larger task, like drive to Redding for a doctor's appointment and haircuts for my boys, I will need sleep for days after. Recently, I drove to Redding for a biopsy and luckily the doctor changed his mind. I didn't need one so I stopped and got a quick smog check and went to DG for treats, a little help to convince my sons to do their school work... Anyways, I figured out a pad to sit on that doesn't hurt my tailbone and S5 to get crushed so badly, and I wear a neck brace when I drive now, along with the wrist braces and lower back brace. I still wasn't feeling that well from the drive, but I made a promise to set up the trampoline for my son Ridley. That Tuesday I got busy pulling the trampoline parts out of the shed, and Cooper and I accomplished putting it together but we did it wrong. The net wasn't put on safely, and I couldn't fix it after all that work. I had to stay in bed until Saturday. Sharon took Cooper grocery shopping for easy meals.

This is just a small glimpse of my life with hypermobile Ehlers-Danlos syndrome. I feel really guilty all the time. Mom guilt is the worst! I want to do more with them and for them. I especially want to teach them what it means to care for your home and take pride in such a blessing. I'm usually in a mad dash to clean up the best I can, ask for help with the things I can't do, and then run back to bed in order to heal from what should be such simple tasks.

My home was bought by my Great Grandparents in 1978. I'm in love with it. My gratitude for having a home in such a beautiful place for my son just off the charts. I pray thank you everyday for being so blessed. Unfortunately, I have a lot of broken things in my home, most of the furnishings like the carpet and the drapes, the linoleum are still from the 70s and I have a popcorn ceiling that's awful and a cobweb collector. Lifting a vacuum to clean is another 3 days in bed. My walls are stained and blackened from my grandpa's mechanic hand stains. I have lots of cracks in the windows and doors. My tub is old and the fixtures won't work. So my boys shower in my little shower with my shower chair in the way. I have some things to fix these problems but I can't afford to buy the rest needed to fix the windows, and doors. I'm praying a little extra money every month would buy a handyman and help me pay for parts. I have a large hole under my old kitchen sink from rotted wood because the sink leaks. The handle on my sink is also broken. It turns on backwards, too. I can't carry in a new sink or get on my hands and knees to fix one. A cabinet door finally broke and is hanging from a hinge.

I truly think $500 extra a month would help me buy paint, caulking, save up a little for parts, and pay for somebody to stop in and help me with these tasks on occasion, and especially installing my new (new from 5 months ago)starlink satellite on the roof before a kid, a deer, or a car knocks it over on the wobbly old outdoor table I have had it sitting on for so long.

I'm praying this monthly help, that I will have to report to welfare and SSDI, will be just enough that I won't need to be penalized for it and it will pay for someone's help with my homes upkeep, so I can finally have some energy to do something wonderful with my kids this summer, like take them camping at the coast. We never leave the house because simple tasks are so difficult on my hypermobility issues.

I have been dislocating shoulders and slipping ribs, and knee caps, lately . On top of the major debilitating deteriorating left SI joint is swallowed with arthritis pain and causes constant sciatica spasms, my tailbone S5 is crushed and that pain lasts days after a drive or from sitting up at a table or even in bed, and I definitely can't sit up at a table after cooking dinner for my children. I can't even eat with them.

So, what's brought me here? I had to fix that trampoline, after I finally healed between Tuesday and Saturday from putting it together the first time, so it was safe and the kids weren't just staring at it wishing. That was 2 or 3 days ago and I'm embarrassingly still in bed, exhausted from the pain and sleeping a bunch. I need help. I need to be able to pay for help in order to do things like that. My home needs help. I need to paint, I need siding, there's holes in the ceiling from where someone took a bunch of stuff down after my grandpa passed away but never followed through with fixing them, or all the other stuff he ripped oft my walls while I was out shopping one day. My 12-year-old son tries to help me but it's my job to care for him and we can only do so much together. My dream is to build a little garden in our backyard that is deer proof. So we can have our own greens and veggies without paying the high prices in our local grocery stores, because I can't drive to Redding anymore unless it's very important doctor appointment. Also, I'd like to teach my children the art and love of caring for a garden. There's so much they can learn from keeping a garden. And they would be here to help with any of the home fixes, like curtain hangings, and clearing out a room that's turned into a clutter catcher room but needs to be for my little son who loves to read and stay in his own quiet spaces but can't find one when it's cold outside.

I don't know if I'll post this. I already feel bad enough for taking from good people and taxpayers. I come from the line of hard-working men and women. I've been working my whole life sometimes two jobs at one time just to have all my tips stolen from my purse when I went to use a bathroom. Or off my bed when someone welcome to thief into my home. My mom even stole the down payment I was saving up to buy a car with, when I was still working as a server in a bartender and barista. I knew my body was failing me and couldn't do those jobs anymore so I started school. When I unexpectedly got pregnant, and because of my connective tissue disorder, the hormones from the pregnancy tore me apart at the seams. My last pregnancy did me in. Also trying to care for everybody else while my body was not holding up well put me in a terrible spot. Now the doctor say it's only management from here on out. I'm not managing very well. I dislocated my shoulder rubbing arthritis ointment on my neck. I've worked hard only to get where I am now and it's so embarrassing! I have to talk to text this entire summary because I'm shaking so badly. Yet, the thought of asking for help is even more crippling.

If I do post this I just want to say thank you in advance 🙏❤️ I'm sorry I haven't been around to those who know me. And thank you for those who don't know me and taking a chance on a little family who is just trying to do the right thing for her boys.