Honoring Bonnie & Helping Me Through What’s Next

I really hate asking for help. Most of you who know me already know that. But right now, I need some.

On August 6th, I lost my wonderful mom, Bonnie. I still don't even know how to put that sentence into words and make it feel real. I sat on her bed this morning, and it just doesn't seem real. I'm in such shock.

For the last 5 years, taking care of Mom became a huge part of my life. After her strokes, and especially this last one, my days revolved around her. Getting her home, helping her stand, helping her walk again, making her food, getting her to the bathroom, doing therapy with her, figuring out what she needed next.... whatever it took. And I would do every single bit of it again. It was the greatest honor of my life to take care of her <3

Those of you who knew Mom know there was just something different about her. She loved everybody. And I mean EVERYBODY. I have people tell me all the time how she saved their life. How much she helped everyone she met. She was sweet and funny and stubborn and precious, and somehow people who met her for five minutes walked away loving her. I got to have her as my Mom. That's a pretty incredible gift.

Her death happened so fast. She was here at home doing physical therapy, working to get stronger, everyone kept saying how shocked they were at how strong she was .......... and then suddenly everything changed. There was no long goodbye. There was no time to prepare. Just the physical therapist and I trying to get through a horrible situation together. I still haven't been able to fully voice what happened that day. I mean, I can barely type this without having to take a min because of my breathing. Moms sure are special.

And now I'm trying to figure out what comes next.

There are expenses surrounding Mom and honoring her, but there is also a very practical reality I have to deal with. For years, our household and finances were built around the two of us and around me being her full-time caregiver. When Mom died, that changed overnight.

I'm selling things. I'm working on several ways to bring money in. I'm working on selling my property and figuring out where life goes from here. I'm not sitting around waiting for somebody to rescue me. But there is a "gap" between right now and getting to the other side of all of this. And I need some help crossing it. You guys know I wouldn't ask if I didn't.

Money raised here will help me take care of Mom's final and memorial expenses, immediate bills, and give me a little breathing room while I get income coming in and make the decisions I suddenly have to make.

I also want to say something that may be a little unusual for a fundraiser.... I am not only open to donations. If someone is in a position to help me with a personal loan, I am absolutely open to that too. I know how I bounce back, so I know it won't be too long before I can handle my business. I would want it documented properly, with repayment terms we both agree on, and I would pay it back. If that's something you would rather do than donate, please contact me privately.

And please don't give anything you can't comfortably give. Prayers matter to me. Sharing this helps. Checking in helps. And if you're able and want to help financially, I am incredibly grateful.

Mostly, I want to get through this part, honor my mom well, get my feet underneath me again.... and figure out what the hell I'm supposed to do with the rest of my life now.

I know Mom would tell me to go live it.

So that's what I'm going to do.