I am waayyyyy overdue to provide an update on my recovery. I am excited to provide today’s. I am laughing at life, at myself and at all the comedy around me. 

I have been struggling with pain. That kind of pain that can ruin the best of days. The kind of pain that makes you wish it was only a blinding migraine. 

So when Kim sent me the attached reel I KNEW it was a sign to send an update. 

Praise God. I can walk. I have ditched the wheelchair. I lost so much muscle mass lying in a hospital bed for 6 weeks, then learning to use a slide board as an invalid to get into a chair or on the toilet. 

136 days ago I couldn’t move my legs. 85 days ago I was released to put a small amount of weight on my right leg. 

I have received so much love, so much encouragement, and so much meaningful support that I could never repay or make known the depth of appreciation and emotion I experience over it. 

I suffered a traumatic brain injury. My mental super powers were gone. Making basic decisions was overwhelming and often were just irrational, impulsive and exhausting. I am still waiting on some of the stupid $30 items I bought off of Facebook or instagram ads.

The injury seems isolated to some executive functions and short term memory. I feel like I am constantly meeting knew people (just being funny!). My short term challenge is that I can’t remember details of recent events, recent research, and of experiences. That sucks. It is getting better. 

My brain starting firing a few weeks ago. It was exhausting but excited to be able to tap into creativity, problem solving, and connecting with people. 

Then it seemed to retreat. 

Now it is coming back and I feel like John freaking Wick. Yeah, I am thinking I am back. But I am look a set of conjoined twins; one is ready to hug and cry it out and the other one is throwing expletives and haymakers. Hahah. I am kicking my own soft . 

Any ways, I am grateful. And I am making my way back steadily. God has not failed me even once in all of this. He has proven that He loves me and is nearby. I have proven that I am a flawed human, scared, angry, grateful, happy, scared, distrustful, angry and then grateful, every hour. 

I mentioned the Ministry of Presence last time. I defined it as making yourself available for God to minister thru you. It means sometimes geographically and physically moving towards someone in need. I have many powerful moments to ruminate on and to share. Today’s is Robert Carillo. He is serving at cancer doctor. He was an acquaintance. He is now a dear and special friend who is part angel in my mind. I was hallucinating from all the pain meds in the ICU. I was struggling to breathe. I imagined Robert walking into my hospital room. But it wasn’t a figment of my imagination. He drove 400 miles to stand with me. He said he was there to support me in a time of need. He said it was my turn to be served. Thank you Bean for being there. Thank you for loving me like a brother in need. I am grateful. I am humble. I am forever affected by you. My prayer is that God overwhelms you with abundance and blessing of every type for all of your days. I pray that your children reap in that immense harvest. 

If you have read this far, thank you. I am grateful to be alive and associated with you. Life can have its unbearable moments. They too shall pass. Dark winters give way to warm winds. Sunshine is coming. Never give up

Crazy two part update: a positive and a negative!

Let’s get the negative out of the way. I am struggling. So badly I want to report that I am making huge strides and feeling like my old self but I am not. I am feeling positive and I have been experiencing a lot of gratitude. And I want to share that. But my heart is telling me to be vulnerable where it matters. Or maybe it is my brain. (There lies part of the struggle!) 

I have been blessed to have productive IQ, to be an all star problem solver, and to always be action oriented. Most of that probably came from an abusive childhood and the resulting self perception. There is always gold or treasure in the suffering. I am currently operating at a small percentage (in some areas) of what I did before the accident. We had hoped that it was the anesthesia that was having a lingering effect. It is not. When 5 tons of concrete and rock landed on me everything changed. I struggled under intubation after surgery and stopped breathing a few days later in my sleep. The coming back was horrible. It is likely the brain injury is from the three events. 

I promised I would provide some background on the brain injury. Here is a LINK to the details around that. It is insightful but probably a boring read for most. It does though define where I am challenged the most.   

Your prayers, encouragement and support are humbling, lovely and appreciated. 

Here is the positive part of my update: Sharing The MINISTRY of PRESENCE (standing with someone In the midst of fear, anxiety, and suffering, but steadfast in prayer and confidence in the Lord)

Where to start! Hmmm. I know. I was struggling with something big in my life BEFORE the accident. I shared it with a friend, an ally and a hero- Chris Wark. I have always enjoyed our friendship, but I was about to experience Ministry in a new way. Chris immediately went to prayer with me. A few weeks later the wall fell on me on a Thursday. For the last 4 years I have done a small group Q&A for some of the members of his Square One Program, on Thursday evenings. So Kim had to let Chris know that I wasn’t going to be able to be present for that. Chris and I connected a few days later. The love and spiritual PRESENCE he offered was amazing. Tears streaming, we prayed together. He had courage and conviction. He had a knowing, a confidence that God was near. 

Chris was not the only person that God sent to minister to me, but he was one of the first. And he did it with humility, conviction and care. Thank you Chris for the love, the friendship and the Ministry of Presence. I have many people to thank for how they showed up for me. My wife is number one. It would be insane not to list Chris right behind that. It has changed the course of my life. I am eternally grateful. Thank you just isn’t enough, but it is what I got. God Bless you mightily and keep over you.  

Humpty Dumpty is struggling 

I refer to myself as Humpty Dumpty because a Great Wall fell on me and broke me in a way that would require more than a band aid and a Tylenol. I couldn’t just dust off my knees and act like it didn’t hurt. In this incredible experience I have endured a sense of being shattered. Bones broken, lungs collapsed, breathing stopped, sleep representing risk of death, revival, pelvis screwed together, shoulder snapped, and being a temporary invalid. I have felt as fragile as an egg in all this. And I have struggled with being dependent for everything. I have felt in-valid. A burden. Incapable. Not in control. 

This update is way overdue. Explaining the silence requires some vulnerability. I am working on that part. 

I am doing better most days. I recently found myself pushing way to hard and I managed to hurt myself. I swear that I thought I was surrendering to this process. 

Clearly I wasn’t. I pushed and then paid the price. I was starting to walk. Then I put myself back in the wheel chair. The pain was excruciating. I did this to myself. Ugh. 

So now I am back to where I was just after my last update. Nice. Self induced suffering. I am learning to have grace for myself. I understand how and why I acted like I did. And I want it all to be better now. 

But it is not. And it won’t be for months. I am learning to accept this, although I feel my stubborn streak pulsing as I write this. Wow. 

I haven’t talked a lot about the brain injury part. I promise I will. I am finding it hard to explain the gaps. Kim sees it and she is gracious about it, and I see the concern overtake her countenance. I am re learning vs remembering some things. It is an odd experience. It seems to be less and less of an issue, but it is hard to know without putting everything to a stress test. 

I get grumpy when the pain spikes, but I am quick to apologize and bring all that into management. 

In all of this I have several profound awarenesses:

-I am temporarily broken

-I am loved by my family 

-I am surrounded by amazing friends with huge hearts, empathy, care, and kindness. 

-I am loved and provided for by the Lord and saved through the love of his Son. 

Thank you to each person who has supported me in this journey in any way. Prayers, cards, calls, visits, and economic support. I will never forget what it feels like to need help, be unable to voice it, and still receive it. 

I am thrilled to have taken 7 steps today. I am required to use a ‘hemi walker’ because my left arm broke at the humerus and I can’t use that to stabilize myself or support my weight. And that shoulder is frozen. Zowy that smarts. 

It is all painful but the joy shines thru the suffering and gratitude is primary. So much encouragement, care and consideration has come my way. God bless all of you. 

If you are going thru a dark moment, you are not alone. I am here and I get it. Reach out and let me know you need help. Suffering and hopelessness are temporary. Don’t suffer alone. Please. I thought that God had abandoned me in the first part of this tragedy. I was hurting and felt alone. But He showed me that he was there the whole time. And that He spared me, and would later comfort me. I failed the test but He was consistent in His love and provision. 

I am struggling with some brain stuff, but I am optimistic that it is all part of a process that I can surrender to and relax in. So many people to thank!! Keep praying for me.

I am grateful. I appreciate things big and small. Today seems extra special. I got a haircut (because cutting my own one armed was proving to be comedy). And then Kim and I splurged and got pedicures. Oh my goodness. My feet were looking like I was some kind of part dragon or reptile. Hahahaha. 

I am doing better and better. The cognitive function stuff is still dragging, but I think I am experiencing some improvement (?). 

Physically I am getting stronger and can put a little weight on my right leg. I can’t put all my weight on it, but I can stand for a short period. I have taken a few pseudo steps with a walker. That is exciting albeit physically uncomfortable. There are some challenges in the background and there are more updates to come but I am definitely on the mend and coming back. 

Love to all and a huuuuuge thank you to so many amazing people.

It is me! This is Theo writing an update. Me! I am smiling like a Cheshire Cat. 

A huge thank you and hugs to all of you. Words can’t express my gratitude. Every prayer, every note, message and gift has helped me to get from a pretty dark place to feeling like I am basking in mercy, grace, hope, love and most importantly growing faith. 

My heart is exploding. I love you. Thank you. There are so many people to thank. And I will. But for today I wanted to share some good news and progress. 

-I am out of the hospital bed and hospital chair. I just spent 41+ days sleeping in hospital beds that are like Inquisition Torture Devices. 

-After 18 days straight in a bed, I was moved to a medical wheel chair for a few hours a day. Another torture device meant to cause more body pain and a false sense that I could roll myself somewhere. But 23 days of this torture have been replaced with a new mobility chair. FREEDOM! (Sort of)

I am feeling the best I have in all of this. My broken body is mending. The pain is still excruciating at times. My brain took a little more damage than I wanted to admit. Little bits are coming back and I am believing that I will be back to my old self in the coming months.  

Yesterday the orthopedist released me for therapy. I can put a little weight on my right leg each day for the next two weeks and then I will begin learning to walk again. We are expecting me to be on a cane by November. Wow. Praise God. My arm/shoulder is healing but there is a misalignment and it is too late and too little to go in, break it, and pin it. 

I have learned so much about myself, radical stillness, pain, others, faith and God’s love. I can’t wait to share these experiences from a super raw and vulnerable place (in the coming weeks and months). 

Thank you prayer warriors and intercessors. Thank you for those who have contributed money you didn’t have to be able to allow me to buried in suffering, pain, and fear without having to figure out how to pay for a toilet seat solution or keep my cell phone on. Your support was like a tractor beam pulling me from some serious depths back to life. 

More updates to come as we make progress. I slept with Kim in a ‘big people’s bed’ last night. I have been so helpless that it felt amazing to leave the hospital bed and rest next to my amazing bride of 3 decades. Thank you Kim for never complaining about the immense amount of work that it takes to care for someone who can’t do anything without help. You are my hero and you are surrounded by amazing friends that look more like angels than humans. 

More to come!!

It has been a good week. Getting Theo in and out of bed, to the bathroom and shower has become much easier. 

We will see the orthopedist this week to evaluate the pelvis and discuss the potential to bare weight on the right leg. This will help define the recovery timeline. 

Theo sustained some brain injury. He has navigated well around it, but please keep him in your prayers. He is eager to regain some of that lost function. I think that part is more important to him than if he walks again. My man has a big brain and he has always put it to use. He is focusing now on smaller ideas and strengthening what he can. 

I have attached a picture of him looking out over the accident area and a picture of him laying in the rubble as they pulled the big pieces off his broken body. 

Your support has been invaluable. I am seeing his whole being slowly heal. My roaring lion is still here, he is just a bit quieter and more pensive. Old wounds have made their way forward. Hopefully this is the best thing that could have happened to him. 

Last night was rough. And it was avoidable. I am reminded that it is imperative that we listen to our instincts, advocate as hard as needed and follow up. 

I felt that Theo had a urinary tract infection brewing. The therapy center ran it last Friday before leaving. It came back negative. I asked for them to culture it. They begrudgingly said they would and we checked out. 

Fast forward to yesterday. Lots of the swelling and pain has been changing for Theo. Especially in the hips and ‘stuff’. My poor husbands testicles were the size of a nerf football, then a softball, a small coconut, and finally normalizing. The bladder, ureters and everything in the region were crushed and bruised in the accident. 

Last night Theo suddenly starting peeing a lot of blood and what looked like blood clots. How he kept cool is beyond me. The pain was apparent. And off to the ER we went. 

We ignored our concerns about using the lower quality but nearby ER versus trekking 50 minutes to the hospital that originally put my humpty dumpty back together again. 

Another lesson learned. Actually the same lesson. Listen to your instincts. 

At one point Theo’s chest and back started to hurt. He asked for his blood pressure to be checked again. 

195 / 119. Clearly he was in distress. He is already on blood pressuring lowering medication during his recovery. 

The PA comes in and says we can do EKG and draw blood again “if you want”. 

I could tell Theo was over it. 

He is on an antibiotic for a severe UTI. He suffered when he shouldn’t had to. 

Listen to your instincts. Be fearless in having them addressed. 

It is clear that we are not out of the woods yet, but we are believing that Theo continues to move in the right direction. We can’t see the ortho until the 18th. It is then that we will assess putting weight on his right leg and how his left arm break is healing. So Theo still requires aid for every thing. His CT last night showed partial lung collapse still and his neurological deficits are being addressed. We could use prayer. It is hard to watch Theo wrestle his demons while seeking the Lord. We are grateful for the experience but ready to make big strides.

We left the first phase of rehab

There was only so much that they could offer, but looking back it was a perfect and a needed transition from intensive care. Theo can’t get into a chair, go the bathroom, shower, or get around without assistance. That all falls on me and we are making that work. 27 years of marriage makes it kind of humorous. But he is doing whatever he can to recover and move towards independence because that is how he is wired. 

-he has follow up with orthopedic on the 18th to evaluate the right side of the pelvis and his broken humerus. 

-Theo has some neuro cognitive impairments. While alarming and obvious, the current opinion is that he will recover over the next 90 days or so. For now, he can’t read a lot, do any comparative analysis, meaningful research or use that big brain of his. But his speech is fine, recall is improving and he is able to find some words that he lost along the way. 

-and the one that gets him the most? He can’t talk for long periods. His lungs had partially collapsed when the wall crushed him. So he tires out when he talks for more than about 5 minutes on a call. 

He seems to be in a really good place. He has accepted the restraints or limitations. He is positive and glass half full again, but he is a little more pensive and a little quieter. He seems content to embrace long stretches of quiet. 

If you know Theo then you know one of his strongest attributes was his ability to manage a lot, all the time. So it is strange to see him forced to do so little. It has to be maddening in his brain, but externally he is full of love, gratitude, soft hope, and curiosity. Life is strange. 

You’re out of here!

The case manager came in today and told us that Theo is being discharged! 

We were shocked to say the least. 

She explained that Theo’s pelvis injury is too bad for therapy right now. So the rehabilitation hospital can’t fix him at this time.

We will be staying with friends here in Oklahoma and he will go see his orthopedic surgeon next week for further evaluation. 

His injuries are bad and new things are showing up now. They are worried about his cognitive abilities since the accident as he hasn’t been able to pass some of the cognitive tests. 

It’s looking like we will be here for another month or two so please keep us in your prayers. We miss our home and family in Idaho. 

Lots of love and appreciation to everyone. 

Yesterday was our 27th anniversary and it was celebrated in a rehabilitation hospital, Where my best friend is in bed with a broken body. We worked with occupational and physical therapist on everyday tasks like teeth brushing and hair combing, but he's exhausted and in pain. His emotional health is fragile, and I ask that you pray for his strength during this long recovery process. He is still months out before he can get out of bed just to go to the restroom by himself. 

Thank you, Kim

A lot has happened since the last update. 

Theo was stable enough to be moved out of the ICU on Monday and transferred back to the trauma floor. 

They continued to work with him for his breathing, and pain management. On Wednesday, the hospital discharged Theo to a Rehabilitation facility. 

Theo has a long road to recovery. He will not be able to put any weight on his right foot for 8 weeks as his pelvis is broken in 2 places on the right side. Theo’s left arm is broken all the way through at the top of the bone, he cannot use his left arm at all to assist movement. This leaves him a left leg that he is strengthening to bear weight that has a break on his left pelvis, and his right arm. The rehabilitation facility has an intense program. Theo will have 2 hours Physical therapy plus 1 hour Occupational Therapy a day. In Occupational therapy, Theo will learn new ways to take care of himself, due to his limited mobility he is unable to accomplish the small tasks for self care that normally we would take for granted. Unfortunately, due to Theo having a shoulder and pelvis break, he is unable to use the ceiling track equipment that helps you learn how to walk again. However, he will benefit from other therapies, including strength training for his right arm. 

I am preparing and bringing juice to Theo daily and I stay until late in the evening. The staff here is great so I finally feel comfortable leaving him overnight so I can get rest. 

I would like to express my gratitude to everyone for their support, prayers, and sharing of the fundraiser, as the road to recovery will be lengthy and the expenses substantial.

I step forward and 2 steps back

Last night got weird, superfast. Theo was settling in, pain meds seemed to be on track. I sat there in my chair feeling the fatigue of all of this. I was worried. Something was off. He was having a hard evening but seemed to get thru it. 

I watched his oxygen monitor out of the ccor er of my eye. His O2 was changing. It was steadily dropping and then boom it crashed into the 40’s! He wasn’t responding, his lips were turning blue, and his blood pressure was 200/110. What is going on??

A team of angels flew into the room. Little

Warriors who have fallen in love with Theo’s awful sense of humor but positive and grateful heart. 

It felt like time had suspended. I prayed that God would intervene and give us more time. “Not now Lord, please, not now. I want more time with him”. 

They rigged a bi pap machine as a makeshift ventilator and kept a watchful eye. His CO2 concentrations continued to interfere. And then..

The numbers began to improve. Ahhhh. You could feel a sigh of success. These angelic warriors began to disappear leaving a lone soldier standing guard. It was sweet to see the love they had for my honey. 

God is good. He is real good. And he answers prayer. 

Theo remained on this makeshift ventilator well into the morning and beyond. The hospital call a rapid response teams meeting from all departments that included both ER and Critical Care to discuss a pretty stressful set of events, concerns and solution. 

Theo was moved to an even higher level of care for support and observation. There are some theories as to what happened but it looks like being hit by a wall can interfere with the minds ability to control breathing under some standard pain med strategies. 

Theo did well today. But fear and fatigue are hiding behind my babies eyes. 

Your prayers and gifts matter. It is a long road ahead. It is 8 weeks before he can put weight the right leg. His left arm We read several of the messages together today. He perked up and shared that he felt loved, appreciated and needed. He is eager to get back serving others. My guy. 

It is hard watching his broken body heal but being rolled around while in agony. It is humbling. 

For all you who are suffering, we love you. God loves you. KNOW this. He is near. 

Kim 

Theo has been in the hospital long enough now where the staff is getting to know him and appreciates his insights on cancer and health. Despite his severe pain, he still manages to crack jokes, which is reassuring. He's starting some light physical therapy, and now that his major trauma has been addressed, smaller issues like a broken toe on his right foot, which was crushed under the stone, are surfacing. The goal is to stabilize him enough to transfer him to a rehabilitation facility for an undetermined period. Theo has a long road ahead for him both in healing and we have no idea when he will be back to work. 

We will be away from our home and family for at least three months. 

We're grateful for the outpouring of love and support, which has been overwhelming and emotional for both of us. 

Thanks to our dear friend Chris Wark for sharing the news of Theo's accident and for being a kind and supportive friend. Your care love for others shines through everyday. 

DNR? What the heck? 

Rough day today. Diminished lung capacity and funky blood work led to some serious mental delusions and inter dimensional travel last night. Theo couldn’t oxygenate and as a result he was faced with a new and challenging decision. They intubated him for the surgery but recovery from that got complicated and included reviving him too early.

Through tears he told me that he wants any effort except being intubated again. I understand how powerful his bad experiences was. I am finding it difficult to support the love of my life when he is choosing anything that feels like we could lose him. He has always been a rock. 

We worked today to better use a bipap, and his lungs continue to recover. His coughing is reducing.

It is hard to watch him drift in and out of reality. We praying that he sleeps tonight without the fear, terror and pain that he has experienced so far. His body is broken and I can feel his Spirit bending under the suffering and then he will drop the random inappropriate joke reminding us that he is very much alive. 

He has cried every time he reads the messages of encouragement, recognition of his service, and a belief that he has more to give. He feels the love. Keep it coming. We are close on the money raise to move him to an actual therapy solution instead of hospice style general bedside care.  

God bless you all for all the love, prayers, words of encouragement and support. 

Love Kim and Theo

8/11

Theo said today has been a difficult one. He has either been in level 10 pain or had so much pain medicine that he has been out of it.  The Doctor had Theo try to put weight on his left leg only, which proved painful and difficult with a broken left pelvis, broken shoulder/arm, swollen left knee, and he cannot bear weight at all on his right leg due to the extensive break on the right side of his pelvis and swelling of his right ankle. We are waiting to hear what the X-rays for Theo’s legs showed, as they have only been treating the worst trauma injuries. After the Dr evaluated Theo’s first attempt to bear weight, we have been told that Theo for sure will have to go into a rehabilitation facility at the time he is discharged from the hospital. Please continue to pray and share where you are led to. We are grateful  God is good