Welcome! Let’s get the giant, elephant-shaped mortgage in the room out of the way first.

​Yes, I am starting a crowdfunding campaign to help pay off my house. Yes, I am fully aware that in the grand hierarchy of global crises, "Help a guy buy 100% of his dirt" sits somewhere between “My favorite streaming service raised its prices by two dollars” and “They changed the recipe of my preferred biscuit.”

​In a world where people are genuinely struggling to find a roof over their heads, I am blessed to have one. But technically, the bank owns about 85% of that roof, the entire front hallway, and the left side of the driveway. They are terrible roommates, they never do the dishes, and they demand a massive chunk of my paycheck every month just to let me keep sleeping here.

​We’ve tried asking the bank if we could just keep the living room and return the rest for a refund, but their customer service line is remarkably unhelpful.

​So, I’ve decided to bypass traditional financial wisdom and appeal to the internet.

​Why am I doing this?

Because modern adulting is essentially just transferring money from your bank account to a larger bank account until you die. I’m trying to break the cycle. I want to look a bank manager in the eye and say, "We had a good run, but I'm seeing other people now. Specifically, financial freedom."

​Where the money goes:

100% of these funds will go directly to the principal of the loan. It will not be spent on a jet ski. It will not fund an avocado toast addiction. It will go entirely toward making the bank's portion of my house smaller, and my family's portion larger.

​How you can participate in this financial experiment:

1. ​The "I Appreciate the Audacity" Donation: Throw a few dollars in the bucket just because you respect the sheer boldness of asking strangers to pay for a house.
2. ​The Coffee Swop: Skip your morning barista coffee today and buy me 1/10,000th of a concrete slab instead.
3. ​The Moral Support: If you think this is a ridiculous thing to crowdfund for, that is entirely fair. Please feel free to share the link anyway so others can laugh at (or fund) my optimism.
4. 
   

​If you made it this far, thank you for reading, thank you for laughing with me, and if you choose to donate, thank you for helping us tell the bank to pack its bags.

​Cheers,

Steve