People who know me in daily life know that I have one child, a daughter, and that she has not been with me as often as she used to be. Most people are polite and do not ask for many details, and for the sake of both prudence and privacy, I will not be able to share many details here either.

But two friends prayerfully reflected that if more people knew what our family has been going through, they might be moved to help. And we certainly need help. God has provided every step of the way, and I trust He will provide going forward, too, but at the moment we are in a deep valley of need.

My daughter and I have been affected by a dynamic in family courts that is so shocking and illogical that, even after a year of studying this issue, I continue to be horrified that it exists and is permitted to go on. (See below for selected articles and reports that explain how this dynamic unfolds. Research has shown that mothers who are attempting to protect themselves and their children from family violence lose custody at astonishing rates, while fathers with a history of abuse and control are now able to continue these patterns for decades through legal means.)

In our case, I was stripped of custody without due process and on a supposedly temporary basis. More than a year and a small fortune in legal fees later, I have yet to receive due process.

For my daughter, the consequences have been heartbreaking. At the age of five, she was abruptly separated from the mother who had fed her, cared for her, and sung her to sleep every night from the day she was born. Despite the temporary nature of the court order, she was told that she would never live with me again.

For more than a year, my daughter and I were permitted to see each other only two hours per week, with a social worker or other professional observing and recording our interactions. Two hours per week is one percent of all the hours in a week. Supervision means, among other things, that every word, look, or hug we exchange can be weaponized as ammunition in a legal battle.

Despite these restrictive and coercive conditions, my daughter and I maintained our bond, by the grace of God. We looked forward to our weekly visits. Once, my daughter even said that she wished she could live at the supervised placement center for the rest of her life. Some days, I felt the same way—because that’s where we were able to be together.

Had my daughter and I been able to keep this one-percent-time arrangement for the remainder of her childhood, I would have been grateful to God for letting me love her and stay in her life even two hours a week.

But now we are at a crossroads.

One ray of hope is that we were recently allowed to have our first unsupervised visit. A trip to the zoo, which many parents would take for granted, felt for me like Psalm 126. I felt like I was dreaming. I couldn’t believe I was allowed to take my child on an outing. I will be forever grateful for the gift of four hours together with my child feeling like a normal mom and daughter. Over and over, we were told that such a day would never come.

However, after that glimpse of freedom, we are now facing even more severe separation. My daughter is relocating out of state this summer, despite the fact that our divorce is not yet final. This, too, is being ordered on a supposedly temporary basis.

What that means for my daughter and me is that our visits together will now be monthly, instead of weekly. Our calls will be fewer and shorter. Instead of paying for hourly supervision, I will need to start paying for travel and lodging halfway across the country—and this after the last two years of litigation have completely exhausted my savings, my available credit, and my mother’s savings.

On a human level, I do not know how I will be able to afford to visit my daughter, which will likely cost upwards of $1,000 each month. I also don’t how I will be able to continue paying my lawyer through the next stage of legal proceedings, which could be as much as $50,000 (and, like previous stages of legal proceedings, even that amount will not necessarily guarantee that I will receive the due process to which all Americans are theoretically entitled). The vastness of my current need embarrasses me, as does my inability to provide for my daughter on my own. Without adequate legal representation, mothers in my position have had their parental rights terminated and have even been jailed, again simply for telling the court about their experiences of family violence.

On a supernatural level, we are told that “with God, nothing is impossible” (Luke 1:37). It is only by a series of providential miracles that my daughter and I have made it this far.

I no longer know how to pray for a specific outcome to this ordeal. Even attorneys with decades of experience are shocked by the details of our case, and unsure of what a best-case scenario now would even be. But I would gratefully ask for prayers that, whatever happens, my daughter and I can always remain steadfast in the faith in which we were baptized. She has been looking forward to her First Holy Communion for years and is now moving away at exactly the moment when she should be preparing to receive that sacrament. As far as I know, she will have no way to attend church or to receive religious instruction out of state. Throughout this ordeal, I have been amazed time and again at my daughter's trust in and love for God, despite our very heavy crosses. I pray her childlike faith will be rewarded.

Thank you for any help you can give, financially or through prayer. May God bless you abundantly.

“Whoever gives even a cup of cold water to one of these little ones in the name of a disciple—truly I tell you, none of these will lose their reward” (Matthew 10:42).

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Please note that I am making all donations anonymous and disabling comments in an attempt to minimize retaliation and preserve our privacy.

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Text in third image reads (with standardized spelling), "I love you Mom with all my heart. I love Mom very much, very much."

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LINKS:

https://www.forbes.com/sites/naomicahn/2020/01/26/why-women-lose-custody/

https://www.ohchr.org/en/press-releases/2023/06/urgent-reforms-needed-protect-women-and-children-violence-custody-battles-un

https://www.bigissue.com/news/social-justice/left-abuser-family-court-custody-children-parental-alienation/