My name is Justin, let me bore you with my story of failures , up and downs, God's grace , and the hell i have been put in particularly by mine own doing , I don't have a family anymore , they all passed with a 5 to 6 year period, was left no true Inheritance, and what I was left , I couldn't stand to live with someone like that, so I tried to sabotage and make him sell the house so I could move , if you have read this far, congrats I have your attention, I have no life , I have no reason to he here except to take up space, I stay alive everyday because I wanna get back to my children, it's such a petty thing to ask when there are others on here dying of cancer or other illnesses that deserve any donation way more than me, but wil the love of God , and his grace I have given it all to him, back to the family, i lost the mother of my first child caleb when he was only two years old and it crushed me 2002 18th May , i dont speak on that much because she was drugged and taken advatage of and it eats at me ,my dad passed away from cancer in 2008 right after we lost the house we had since 1985 to the banks during that crash , the home I'll always love, after that everything fell apart, my brother had a terrible accident leaving him disabled he rolled a car over on his head surviving that , dying twice on the table , then after finding a wife he settled down but they got separated because of drugs, she was moved to Boone and it devastated my brother who ended up taking his own like in 2013 on Halloween , my oldest son was there and just thought he was sleeping curled up at the foot of his bed but he was stiff as a board, and I had to come get him and still take them trick or treating, I got married to a wonderful girl and loved her heavily figuring this time but she was young and wild , so it was hard to keep her from cheating while all this madness was going on, so what does every person turn to when things go bad, DRUG, yep I used them to numb out the pain, after my brother passed it hit his wife hard so two days later she ended her life, they wouldn't even let my bury her besdie him.. my.mom was devastated and I wasn't helping because I had wrecked my motorcycle and was in bad shape, we where taking care of my grandma whi weeks earlier wrecked her car and cracked a vertebrae, (believe me I wish this was made up) ome day in February my grandmother wake me and say Justin your mother hasn't been up yet and it's 10am, I thought she had just a couple to many and passed out on the floor, well that wasn't the case. I walked in her room and she was fixed in a odd position I went to pick her up and she was froze that way and the blood had already settled at the lowest point of her body, I had my grandma call the police because there was no pulse and she had been gone, this whole time my wife was running around pushing and pulling my kids away from me blaming me for this and that just so she could be free from the drama.. I don't blame her it was a lot.. all at once, so I go wild go to prison for sabotaging myself and just wanting it to stop, so I started praying and giving more and more of my life to God, and things started happening well as soon as I get out my wife's father caught cancer, so I thought here we go again, even though we weren't together I stood by her and accidentally knocked her up which I was so excited about , finally get a chance to do it right , redemption, he father was like my father and so was her family I loved them dearly, I watched him slowly slip away we did all kinds of things for him before he left us, beach mountains, flea markets, etc, but I took care of him while kailey worked made sure he took his beds and ate and drank, well one day he got to where he wasn't eating or drinking, Bailey just got off work , we had him moved home from hospice because he wanted that, and we stood over him and they were talking and I looked at his face and could tell , he was gone. No breathing , no signs of life. Bailey or chuck hadn't noticed yet but I prayed that moment would lasted for years before they noticed, because I knew how it felt when I lost my father, and didn't want them to feel that pain, well she looks at me and she could tell by the look in my eyes and then looks at her father and falls out! So even though I did all that I guess it still wasn't worth it and I wasn't good enough. Because without warning she moves my kids outta the the state , to the beach , and I haven't seen my youngest in7 years. I just wanna RV so I can go down and see them , or so I could go start a life there , so I can be the father they think I am!! And wanna be, so if ya made it this far , ya know my story. Maybe you wanna help me, I have asked for help I dire times on Facebook and God has come thru!! He always does , but I have a job i work hard , but I wanna be with my boys!! With a rv I can go down weekends spend time with them and be a dad, father's you know how it is, if any.of you are reading this , you know what this pain is and I'm sure you had to fight to get what you got!! If you can help thank you, if you can't, I understand, I'm not perfect and I work on myself everyday! I read Job in the Bible, so it.give me hope, or maybe it's a curse, maybe it's me , but I won't stop as long as my lungs carry breathe, I will move forward!