Mom's had heart, respiratory, and other issues for decades.  Has been through multiple cardiac crises and procedures, including catheterizations, a quad bypass in 1998, a heart attack in 2015, and another in 2022.  She survived and recovered from a stroke in March of 2024.  In June of 2025, she had a "mild" heart attack.  She had congestive heart failure and pneumonia.  She was transferred from the cardiac ward to a rehab facility.  I saw her literaly drowning in the bed because the fluid in her lungs was accumulating by the minute. I called for staff, and first responders were called. I held my mother's hand as she was in distress from pulmonary fluid accumulation until the first responders took her into the ambulance.  I told one of the responders that I would meet them at the hospital, but had to stop at home, first.  The responder said he couldn't talk anymore, because she stopped breathing.  When I was home, the ER doctor called and said he wanted to see me.  He told me that my mother had passed.  She was 84.

Since 2017, my dad was having balance issues. it was the last year he did gardening.  He was later diagnosed with Alzheimer's.  in 2020, he gave up his car keys and I was the driver for all 3 of us.

From 2022 on, it was a rollercoaster.  I took 5 weeks of family medical leave to take my mom to and from her medical appointments and rehab, due to the heart attack mentioned earlier.  Later, my father had a kyphoplasty and suffered from anesthesia-induced delirium.  A 1-day surgery resulted in a multi-week hospitalization.  From there, he went to a rehab center. From there, he came home.  There were medical emergencies for infections, hospitalizations, returns, etc.

Eventually, my mom found an attorney to help her file a petition in court to become my dad's legal guardian.  I was to become the backup guardian.  The services were pro bono because my mom went through a legal aid organization.

In August 2023, I quit my job to help care for my dad.  At a certain point, my dad's behavior became less rational, warranting calls to emergency services.  Late in 2023, he was placed in an advanced memory care facility.  By then, he was also on Medicaid, thereby placing the family home under the prospect of estate recovery.

Mom would visit Dad every other day, and I took her to and from there. She would do my dad's laundry to keep his clothes from getting misplaced by the facility.  However, because of her asthma, I had to handle my dad's wet pants. They had to be handled with disposable gloves, transported in plastic bags, aired out in the garage, and washed with additional disinfectant.

In February of 2024, my mother was granted her petition to become my dad's legal guardian, and I became the backup.

As indicated earlier, my mom had a stroke in March of 2024.  I took her to Bible study, and her friends had noticed that she "didn't seem like herself".  When Bible study was over, they suggested that I take her to the ER. I did. On the way, she was drinking some bottled water and she started choking.  I stopped the car, got her out, and gave her a Heimlich maneuver.  When breathing was restored, we continued on the way to the ER.  We were told that everything checked out normal. The following morning, she had a hard time speaking. She was unable to put her socks on by herself.  I had to help her.  We called a friend, who advised us to go to the emergency room.  She tried to drink some water but began choking, so I had to do another Heimlich maneuver on her.  I got her to the ER, and then they decided to call the stroke team. That week, I became her health care Power of Attorney.  The following week, she went in for surgery to remove plaque from her left carotid artery.  While she was recovering, she had a feeding tube installed.  However, there was very little that they could feed her through it because most of the formulas had something to which she had an allergy.  They were able to feed her by chopping her food into very tiny fragments.  When she took her medications, she needed to take them with applesauce. While she was still in the hospital, I was also designated as Durable Power of Attorney over all affairs.

Mom was transferred from the hospital to a rehab facility.  The therapy team was very good, but she was determined to recover ASAP.  She went from wheelchair to walker in 2 weeks!  However, I had 2 parents to visit separately.  Although I couldn't afford it, I was out of commission for a couple of days. It was very rainy and humid, and I had to stay pretty much in bed with a heating pad.

The same lawyer who handled the guardianship case came to the rehab facility to make my mom's will for her.

For quite a while, my mom didn't want my dad to know about her stroke.  When my dad would ask about her I would say that she was very busy.  Arguably, it was true because she was busy trying to regain as much function as possible.

Before her stroke, my mom's ambitious visitation schedule and cooking endeavors created a housekeeping backlog.  Therefore, 6 ladies from her church came over about a day before she came home and helped get rid of the backlog.  Also, I was involved, but collectively, it was done faster than I could have done by myself.

When my mom got out of rehab, she was declared "housebound" and was visited by speech, occupational and physical therapists. Also, a visiting nurse came a few times to show me how to clean around her feeding tube and set up her medications in the daily dispensers.  Finally, she was released from "housebound" status and was free to go out into the community again.  Eventually, the feeding tube was removed. She continued speech therapy on an outpatient basis.

She finally felt up to visit my dad, but she could no longer stay as many hours as she used to.  While she used to go every other day, it was down to every 3 days or so. I still made sure that I got my dad's laundry home, washed, and returned to his room.  Also, my mom and a great Christian friend, and I would advocate for my dad so that he wouldn't be medicated into a stupor.

Also, when I would visit, I would wheel him around the corridors of the facility at night, or when the weather was cold, rainy, etc.  However, when it was warmer, I would sometimes wheel him around the front of the facility. Either way, I did it to give him a change of scenery from the dining hall where he would spend most of his waking hours. Usually I would stop and position his wheelchair so that he could watch the cars go up & down the road.

I was missing my father while he was still alive.  He was intelligent, resourceful, and funny.  Life seemed so stable before his cognitive decline.

My last memory of him was in August of 2024.  The weather was sunny and warm, and I had him out watching the cars come & go. I don't remember any particular conversation.  Eventually, I returned him to his usual place in the dining hall.

That weekend, I had a lot of work to do because I had to make accommodations for the workers to change from lead laterals to copper laterals for the water supply.  I was up very late.  Around 5:00 in the morning, I received a call that my father had fallen and that they would be taking him to the ER, as per standard procedure.  I told them not to call my mother, since she would insist that I take her to see him there, and that I was in no shape to drive at that time. As per staff, he checked out normal and was returned to the care facility.  Staff also said that when he returned, he wanted to go back to bed.  They tried to wake him, but he never woke up again.  Later, the facility called to notify us that my dad had passed.  I moved all of his belongings into the car and was able to bring them home in one trip.  While I was loading the car and making some phone calls, my mom stayed with my dad's body until the funeral personnel took him away.

About a week later was his funeral and burial.  We had a deficit of just over $3k.  However, with generous gifts, and some payments, we were able to get my dad's final expenses paid off by October of 2024.

There are other things I would like to say, but I will save the remainder for my X account.

The photo of my parents at the restaurant was taken by a friend who wishes to remain anonymous.  Also, I wish to express gratitude for Christian friends who were a great help to my family. One wishes to remain anonymous who did extra things.

About my need for a new home, it's a matter of probate. I have yet to find out how much Medicaid spent on my dad.  My parents paid off the house in 2015. Their worst mistake was not having put it into an appropriate trust.  As per Estate Recovery personnel, I shoud be able to stay in the home as long as I pay the property taxes.  However, when the assessment increased by more than 1/3 in one year, I'm not sure how long I can afford it. My new home has to be somewhere that has a much lower property tax burden.  Most of my neighbors are great.  Some even have bigger and better houses.  I'm happy for them, but I shudder to see their property tax bills.

I'm getting closer to my space limit.

Before I try to move to a state with lower property taxes, I need to get several repairs done on my 2003 Buick. It spent the 4th of July weekend at the shop due to coolant system issues.  Have more to say on X.

Your help will mean that I can achieve housing stability (444) and a new beginning (888) after all this chaos.  I'm looking for an unrestricted lot outside of any city limits. My new lifestyle ALREADY includes eating dandelion, chickory, and other such that my mom taught me to eat.

I know I have a little bit of space left, but I'll say more either on X or on any updates.

Thanks, be lucky and well! You deserve it!