I'm not sure how to start my story. I'm a mom of three, a wife, a combat veteran, and a survivor of military sexual trauma. My husband is a firefighter serving our community and works his fingers to the bone for us and many others. Both of us have dedicated our lives to serving. I am burdened with multiple physical and mental health conditions.

My career was ripped out from underneath me after nearly 19 years of service to the Army. I was forced out “medically” because I was sexually assaulted by my high-ranking boss. I sought out treatment for my mental health and instead of being helped I was relieved of my duty. I never reported it; I needed my job, and believe me when I say, there is no real justice in that situation. I felt like this man would eventually have to answer to God and then justice would be served. So I chose to drive on the best I could and get the help I desperately needed to stay alive. I’ve been on multiple combat deployments and dedicated my entire life since I was 17 years old to serving our nation. I am so blessed and grateful to not have to serve any longer, but it hasn’t been easy. I planned on eventually retiring from the military, just on my terms. That’s not what happened though.

Shortly after I was discharged I went through tons of exams and multiple surgeries. Some I am still not fully recovered from. But I had no choice but to go straight to work. It hasn’t been easy fining a job that can accommodate for all of the issues I have been left with. My husband is currently working three jobs, my teenager is also now working to help ends meet and it’s still just not enough to get us caught up. See, we basically survived off of credit cards and loans when I was fighting for my life.

After loads of therapy, medication, suicide attempts, and losing some of the only “friends” I had, I was denied my appeal to continue to serve, and lo and behold, the very man that assaulted me was the man of power that signed my paperwork to finalize me out. I can’t even hang my retirement certificate because seeing his name triggers me into manic depression and ptsd episodes. I've been doing my best to try and work, but I haven't been a “civilian” since I was 17. Now nearly 37… I've used every resource I have available to survive the last year. I am drowning in debt from the sudden loss of income and costly medical bills. I can no longer provide for my family the way I could before, and I find myself even dodging my normal mental health care appointments because I can't afford to lose the hour of pay it takes to attend them. My kids deserve a mom that is present mentally. 

I can finally physically be here for them—no more constant traveling for work, deployments, trainings—but I'm struggling not to drown in the stress of a world I've never really navigated before. It's been a year, and I need help! Please, anything helps!

I know Jesus sees me, I can feel his presence everytime I internally fight my way back to the real world. I know it’s him pulling me out and keeping my head above water. But day after day I drain myself of energy being dunked over and over and over. Please help my family. I don’t know how much longer I can go before I we lose everything. We are working tooth and nail, but can never seem to catch up.