Goal:
USD $100,000
Raised:
USD $14,261
Campaign funds will be received by Jenni Hunt
Supporting Hope: A Family's Journey Through Crisis and Healing
Meet James, a friend who is a husband and father of three who has recently undergone an incredibly challenging ordeal - he has suffered not one but two heart attacks within the last five weeks. We're asking you to stand with James and his wife, Jenni - warriors facing an unprecedented medical crisis and financial struggle - in their journey toward healing and recovery.
Summary:
James, a husband, and father of three, has recently faced a series of life-threatening health challenges in the last five weeks, including two heart attacks, severe vessel blockages, a blood clot, aspiration during a procedure, intubation, ICU stay, septic shock due to a staph infection, and recurring emergencies. Despite these challenges, James and his wife, Jenni, have maintained their faith and trust in God. The medical emergencies have resulted in emotional and financial strain for the family, with hospital bills totaling well over $500,000 and James and Jenni being unable to work. A crowdfunding campaign has been set up to help cover the medical bills and daily living expenses during James' recovery. We are asking for both financial support and prayers. Jenni is providing updates on her Facebook account and the crowdfunding platform. If you would prefer, direct contributions can also be made via PayPal at paypal.me/huntedtreasure or to jenni@huntedtreasure.com . The family appreciates the kindness, empathy, and generosity of all who support them during this challenging time.
James' Story:
Following God’s call on their lives, James and his family recently left their home in Oregon where he had been serving in men’s ministry and as their church’s middle school youth leader for the past 8+ years. James has a passion for discipleship and was in the final stages of launching a men’s ministry when he went to the ER with a racing heart rate of 186 bpm late July. This set off a series of events they could never have anticipated. The doctors managed to slow his heart rate, revealing that his heart was operating with a 20% ejection. He was admitted to the hospital for more testing. Despite this, James faced his situation trusting in His Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.
Further testing revealed that James had severe blockages in three heart vessels. Surprisingly, the cardiologist was able to insert five stents and report that, while his heart was still weak, the blood flow was good. After a full week in the hospital, he was discharged with a "life vest" that he had to wear 24/7 to guard against SCD (Sudden Cardiac Death), a constant reminder of the fragility of life. I was encouraged by his post on Facebook recently:
“As a child of the King of Kings I am a roaring lion, bold and ready to fight. I will not lie down, I will not give up, I will not go quietly away. I will stand strong and fight the good and righteous fight until the day My Lord calls me home and on that day I will sing my death song loudly and without fear for I am a warrior of the most high God!”
Five days later, James was rushed to the ER with severe chest pain. After over four hours in the ER, the medical team discovered that one of the stents in a main artery somehow had a new blood clot, causing a 100% blockage. James aspirated during the procedure to place a temporary heart pump in place. He was intubated and put in ICU for 24 hours. Multiple times, the cardiologist and nurses said that he shouldn't have survived. The Lord has bigger plans for him.
After removing the heart pump, he left the ICU and was set to recover in the cardiac ward. The medications and results of being intubated caused him discomfort and shortness of breath, which only worsened. It wasn't long before they discovered a staph infection, and he was treated for septic shock. James was discharged once again two weeks later with his "life vest" and the hope for recovery. Just a couple of hours after he arrived home, his heart started racing, and he found himself, once again, in the ER. We thank the Lord that they treated him promptly, and his heart rate stabilized after just a couple of hours. Headed home again, he and his family were all on edge, wondering if he would make it through the night without another emergency visit to the hospital.
They have been home for two weeks now, and it hasn't exactly looked like recovery. James has continued to lose weight and has yet to gain the strength his body needs. We hope that getting off the IV antibiotics soon (required for the staph infection) will help him turn the corner to heal.
We are reaching out on their behalf with both gratitude and concern. These unforeseen medical emergencies have taken an emotional toll and the overwhelming financial burden accompanying such circumstances. James has been unable to work during this time, and Jenni stepped away from her business for the last five to six weeks to help James in his recovery. She has come to find that James requires full-time care and struggles to find the time and energy to pour into her business. Together, we could help carry this family’s financial load for a while, giving them the freedom to care for each other, rest, and heal.
To date, the hospital bills total well over $500,000. They are grateful that much of that will be covered; however, the exact amount is unknown at this time. New medication costs, daily living expenses, and soaring hospital bills are overwhelming, so I humbly ask for your support on their behalf.
Here is the thing.
We, along with James and Jenni, fully believe that we serve a God who sees and knows these struggles. We believe He is a God who loves and uses all things for our good and His glory. We also know that He uses each of us to help meet the needs of others.
We have set up a crowdfunding campaign to raise funds that will aid them in covering their financial needs, ensuring that their family can make ends meet while James focuses on recovery. Your generosity will allow them to navigate this challenging journey without worrying about financial constraints.
Here is how you can help:
Pray: Please know that more than anything, they covet your prayers. They are the first to admit that the Church praying for James through this journey has gotten them through the most challenging times thus far and welcome prayers on their behalf.
Donate: Every contribution matters. A donation of $5, $50, or $500 - each contribution carries the power to turn a challenging journey into a path of healing. It will provide them with the financial support they so desperately need and remind them of the strength of community and the power of compassion.
Share: Even if you are unable to donate, sharing their story can be a lifeline too. The more people who know, the greater the potential for support.
We understand that times are tough for many, and your consideration alone is an encouragement. Please feel free to share this with your friends, family, and network.
Jenni is doing her best to continue updating her Facebook account and will also update on this crowdfunding platform. If you are uncomfortable supporting through this crowdfunding platform, however, you can send directly to PayPal at paypal.me/huntedtreasure or to jenni@huntedtreasure.com
We are eternally grateful for your kindness, empathy, and generosity.
I hope James is doing well - We wish you a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.
Love Y'all!
We love you and we are praying for you!
Praying for you all.
We continue to support and pray for you guys.
Prayers & Love❣️
Keep worshiping your way through the wilderness. He’s still the healer!
May God's grace and mercy be with you on this journey and know that your family has been in our prayers - Love and miss your fellowship
Don & Debbie Callaway
With you in prayer my friend and with you for the long haul. thank you for keeping us posted. Gather the manna! They're flakes of God's unending grace and compassion.
Love y'all!
Praying for you all! May our Lord bring healing, peace and support wherever you need.
Praying for your family. Wishing you Christmas blessings and a smooth operation on the 28th!
Love and praying for yall! So thankful for the kingdom work you all do and for your love for the Lord.
Heb 12:1,2 '...run with endurance the race that is set before us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross..' Praying you will be strengthened and encouraged in the Lord.
Anonymous
June 10th, 2024
Overdue for an update…
It’s so strange that we are coming up to almost a YEAR since our life turned upside down and sideways after James’ heart attacks last July and August.
How can it be a year, when it feels like just a month has gone by? And yet, at the same time, it feels like it’s been years.
One thing is for sure and that is that I have felt busy. Overly busy. And it has caused me to ponder what rest looks like in a crisis season.
I have often been reminded of a Martin Luther quote - that makes me chuckle because of the “ridiculousness” of it… maybe you have heard it before:
“I have so much to do that I shall spend the first three hours in prayer.”
I chuckle because it seems counterproductive in the world we live in to pray for three hours when there are meals to make, medicines to order, bills to sort through and pay, a house to clean, laundry, grocery shopping, webinars and work… all the things!
But I also chuckle because the Truth is my God isn’t bound by time. He could add hours to my day if need be so that I could get what He needs me to do done. It reminds me of Mary and Martha hosting a special guest. Jesus was in their home and while Martha was taking care of “all the things”, Mary chose the better thing and sat at the feet of Jesus.
“I have so much to do that I shall spend the first three hours in prayer.”
I have so much to learn.
James had a regular checkup with cardiology last week - or maybe it was two weeks ago, I don’t remember…
Nothing abnormal, just still trying to find his “normal” with more functionality. He has been faithfully going to the gym 3-5x/week but between that, eating and Bible study - he hasn’t had much energy for anything else. We have so much to be thankful for, but the lack of energy and just “not feeling good” most of the time has been an adjustment that we are still trying to manage and improve.
We are hopeful that he will be able to get off most of the 16 meds he is currently on. This last appointment was good in this regard and he dropped one of the meds and is replacing with supplementation. There is a protocol we would like to try for him that looks very promising - but we aren’t in a position to move forward just yet with the financial challenges around the medical responsibilities we already have. I have a much deeper empathy for all those who are challenged by prescription costs… maybe it’s one of those things you can’t truly empathize with until you are putting out an extra thousand or two bucks for meds/month. Every time I go to order refills I am sick to my stomach at the expense.
I have also gained an appreciation for runners. Marathons are no joke.
I always knew I wasn’t a runner.
But it really isn’t about what I am… but WHO our King is.
We still hold to the Truth that our God works all things for our good and His glory - and while we might struggle a bit at times, we are so thankful for YOU who remind us of this with your words of encouragement and prayer.
Thank you.
Thank you for being in this with us for the long haul.
As you think of it, some things to pray for:
* Community: Our energy levels are so depleted still which makes it difficult to build and be consistent in community the way our hearts desire to be. We are so thankful for the many new friends in the area who have been so faithful to reach out and continue to carry us.
* Health: Of course we continue to covet prayers for James’ complete healing. Please pray for energy and strength for him through the summer heat. Continue to pray for our son Caeden who is still struggling with crazy adrenaline rushes that impact his heart along with his HHT. Pray for encouragement for him as he longs to be “moving on with his life” at age 19.
* Provision: While I am so thankful for the years I’ve had to pour into my business… the relationships, and the growth - carrying this load to provide for our family right now is such a heavy weight combined with everything else. Pray for the burden to be lightened so I have the freedom to focus on all the things that come with caring for James, managing a home and medical “things”, and helping my kids move into more independence as adults.
Thank you, friends.
Your prayers have been a lifeline. Your texts and notes of encouragement and scripture have been so timely. Please don’t stop. We have come to understand in such a deep way the beautiful value of the body of Christ. And while we long to be able to pour back into those around us more than we are — we know that this is the season we are in… and while we might not understand, nothing is wasted.
To Him be the glory.
June 10th, 2024
This came up in my memories yesterday. It made me laugh… We had no idea that James would suffer two back-to-back heart attacks just three months later.
I realize I haven't shared an update since February, and I figure it's long overdue. When we were deep in the crisis of everything, it was easier to share for some reason.
In some ways, it can be easy to think that we need to get past all of this and onto the next part of life… and sharing can remind us that we are still here. Honestly, I don't know why that would be a negative thing - except that my mind tells me we've been here long enough. Maybe if we don't bring it up, it will just disappear or feel more "normal." I don't know.
I'll tell you this — it's too heavy. Not just the circumstances we find ourselves in… but I imagine you might also be in a heavy place. There seems to be quite a bit of that going around these days. But a friend reminded me last night that we were never meant to carry the heavy burdens.
**They aren't for us.**
They ARE too heavy. But Jesus says, "Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy, and My burden is light." (Matthew 11:28-30)
One thing I have learned in my life is that when Jesus says, "My yoke is EASY…" it isn't "easy" how I would consider it "easy." But it is the better. It is for my good… and for His glory.
So that is where we are: living, learning, navigating, and letting go—lots of letting go… putting down the heavy so we can hold onto the One who saves.
James continues to go to the gym regularly to build his strength. Regaining weight isn't the problem it was just a few months ago. He has a full appetite (!!). I'm just trying to keep the fridge full between snacks. 😉
Another priority for him has been to be involved with the men at our church, where he has found such a great community. If he isn't at the gym, he is studying to lead Bible study. He doesn't have the energy for much else right now.
For the last month, he has been feeling "off." The doctor checked his pacemaker and ran blood work. Everything looked fine except that he was extremely dehydrated. Even though drinking water and electrolytes are a priority… the diuretics he is on are doing a number on his system and kidneys. They have changed some of his meds, and he has labs again next week… We hope he starts to feel better soon so that he can feel like his strength is growing.
Looking back over the last four years has brought perspective for me. Four years ago, we decided to sell our home and go on a new adventure that the Lord called us to. I'll be real honest: it has been so incredibly difficult - I wouldn't have chosen it if I had known. But that is just one of the reasons I am not God. 😉 ��Even in this, I am confident of this very thing… and find hope because of it. He who began this work is faithful. He has proven it over and over, and He doesn't change. He was faithful before, and He will be faithful again.
Trust the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways, acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight (Proverbs 3:5-6).
It isn't about what I see... especially when I see a bunch of messy. We are tired and worn out. I struggle with running from one thing to the next, trying to manage our home and grow my business to meet our financial needs. It's too much in my own eyes… but its ashes turned to beauty in the hands of our Savior.
Thank you for continuing to remind me of Truth. I am so thankful for you who have sent texts, sat for coffee, listened, prayed over… all the things... and for your patience in my slow replies. The greatest gift is to know dear friends are bringing us to the throne room of the most high God on our behalf. Thank you.
Please continue to pray for:
- Complete healing for James. For renewed strength and rest from the constant experimentation of med changes.
- Wisdom as our lease comes to an end in June.
- Provision as I grow my business to further serve entrepreneurs and provide for our family.
- Deep rest for all of us.
- Continue to pray for Caeden as he is still struggling with his own heart/lung issues that are almost debilitating.
- That the One True King would be glorified in our weakness.
To Him be the glory.
February 10th, 2024
Yesterday, James had his first follow-up for his pacemaker. Everything went well, and we are thankful we got some questions answered. He is happy to be able to move his left arm fully now that scar tissue has developed to help hold everything in place.
In many ways, we can't believe it has been a month since he had the surgery to insert it. Time has been such a weird thing… I think when you are in crisis, it stands still and spins fast all at the same time. Or, maybe it is more accurate to say that in crisis, our time seems to stand still while the world is spinning at a record pace. I don't really know. It's just different.
As we have been figuring out what this next season looks like, I have struggled to climb out of this crisis mode. In some ways, I am waiting for the next emergency to jump out at me… so when something on a much smaller scale comes up, my responses are over the top and end up exhausting any energy left.
The other day, I was reading through the story of David and Goliath. You probably know the story… David, a young shepherd boy, faces the giant Goliath in battle and kills him with a stone to the forehead from his slingshot. The story has always fascinated me. Hearing it as a kid, I was always so amazed at the size of Goliath and how incredible it was that this little guy took him down. As I've gotten older, I've often heard the story used as a tool to consider the "Goliaths" we face in our lives.
As I read the story this time, Goliath wasn't much of a main character. Sure, he taunted the Israelites… but it occurred to me that the taunting wouldn't have been a big deal if they had just stepped up as David did.
See, the Israelites never had to fear Goliath. He was a distraction… clouding up the Truth of who the One True God is. He was never something to fear or be afraid of… He only became that because he was what the Israelites chose to fix their gaze on.
Then David comes along and can't understand the problem. "Who is this uncircumcised Philistine, that he should taunt the armies of the living God?" (I Samuel 17:26) It sounds like he is questioning who Goliath is… but I wonder if he was questioning the Israelites' cowardice. They were the army of the living God, after all.
Later, when David is face to face with Goliath… Goliath tries to intimidate David as he did the rest of the Lord's army. But David could care less who Goliath was and what armor or weapons he had on him… He wasn't moved. Why? Because His sites were on the One True King… the Living God.
"You come to me with a sword, a spear, and a javelin, but I come to you in the name of the Lord of hosts, the God of the armies of Israel… This day the Lord will deliver you up into my hands… that all the earth may know that there is a God in Israel, and that all this assembly may know that the Lord does not deliver by sword or by spear; for the battle is the Lord's and He will give you into our hands…" (I Samuel 17:45-48)
I've heard this story a million times since I was a little girl. But, of course, my perspective has changed since then, and this story struck me deeply this week. See, in crisis mode, it is so easy to see the crisis. It's so easy to run from fire to fire to fire when you are just trying to make it through. It's so easy to see all the things I tend to fear — health challenges, finances, our future… the list can be long.
But that isn't what the Lord has for us.
With Jesus as my Lord and Savior, He has offered abundant life… sure the Goliaths and whoever/whatever else will taunt and try to distract me from the promises of my King. They will tell me I have a reason to be afraid when I don't.
I want to be like David. I want to be so confident and firm in who my God is that I don't even blink at the enemy.
Many of you have been David to me. David tells Goliath, "I come to you in the name of the Lord of hosts, the God of the armies of Israel, whom you have taunted. This day the Lord will deliver you up into my hands… that all this assembly may know that the Lord does not deliver by sword or by spear; for the battle is the Lord's and He will give you into our hands."
As David so boldly reminded the Israelites who their God was, You have gently reminded me who my Lord is…
You have stood firm in your own battles with giants and reminded me of the Truth that we serve the One who saves. Thank you.
We also are overwhelmed with gratitude for the continued prayers. Thank you still isn't enough. Please don't stop… transitioning and figuring out "normal" has been much more of a struggle than I'd like to admit.
Here are some specific ways you can pray with us:
1. James' strength to increase & Caeden's health
2. Encouragement & Community
3. Provision as our income hasn't grown to what it needs to be for our expenses yet
4. Energy and clarity with priorities for me while juggling all the things
5. Wisdom
We are so grateful and deeply humbled by how the Lord has chosen to provide for our family. Please continue to pray for a heart of gratitude and that all our needs will be met in abundance so we can be to others what so many of you have been to us. Many of you continue to ask how you can help financially in this marathon of a season. A dear friend set up a way to do that through Give Send Go. The link will be in the first comment if you are interested.
May the Lord richly bless you and remind you that He is the God of deliverance. To Him be the glory.
January 14th, 2024
Just enough at just the right time, from unexpected places.
This has been the Lord's faithfulness to us.
I have been reminded of the Israelites and how the Lord provided for them repeatedly. He miraculously rescued them from Egypt. And even so, while the Lord showed His provision and patience to them, they often complained and grumbled. And as I reread their story, I realized I am so much like them. I often find myself complaining and grumbling… even in the midst of seeing God work!
One of my favorite parts of the Israelites' story is when God "rained" manna…
Exodus chapter 16 says it had been 2 1/2 months since they had been miraculously brought out of Egypt.
They were promised a new place… a new land—a home.
But see, their circumstances seemed to say otherwise.
Yet, over and over, these circumstances became opportunities for the Lord to show His power and Glory.
On this particular day, the Israelites had forgotten, once again, what the Lord had brought them through. They were complaining because they were hungry. They were so hungry, in fact, that they were wishing they were dead… or at the very least back in Egypt as SLAVES.
But God didn't leave them in their despair.
He provided just enough at just the right time, in the least expected way.
He poured bread from the skies for each day.
Can you imagine? Who would have thought? Bread from the sky??
"I have heard the grumblings of the sons of Israel; speak to them, saying, 'At twilight you shall eat meat, and in the morning you shall be filled with bread (manna); and you shall know that I am the Lord you God." Exodus 16:12
They called it "manna," which means - "What is it?"
Isn't this a beautiful picture of how our Lord works?
He is providing in completely crazy and new ways.
He provides just enough… at just the right time.
He provides us with things we cannot understand ("What is this?").
Sometimes, I find myself drowning in the fear of how my family will be cared for. I wonder… am I working enough? If I only did this… or that…
Years ago, a friend reminded me to "watch for the manna today."
Every day, it is NEW.
And it comes from unexpected places.
James got his bandage removed last Monday. Everything looks good so far with the pacemaker/defibrillator insertion. He is sore, and it is tender - and he has some physical limitations, but other than that, we are so thankful for no surprises this week. He has another follow up this week if the weather isn't too rough.
Right now, he is finishing up 3x/week at cardiac rehab. He will need to find a gym where he can work out regularly to continue strengthening his heart in the next week or so. While there are so many beautiful trails here, the cold, hot, or humidity (basically Arkansas weather, LOL) is more demanding on his heart… so a gym is recommended.
From what we understand, they have done everything they can now, and the rest is up to him (and his meds).
A couple of weeks ago, we got a permanent disability tag for the car to park in handicapped parking. That was harder to deal with emotionally than I thought it would be...
We are trying to settle into a "normal," - but to be quite honest, it isn't the normal we want… and I wrestle with that more than I'd like to admit.
Even so, I cling to the truth that the Lord is working.
I've been reminded of 2 Corinthians 1:3-4
"Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort; who comforts us in all our affliction so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God."
It seems like every week, I find out about someone who is walking a similar journey as ours. Please pray for wisdom as opportunities present to share the comfort only the Lord can give.
Other things to pray for:
--> Encouragement and community: We are so thankful for the friendships the Lord has blessed us with here. Please pray for the kids… for friends and encouragement as they journey through all these changes, too.
--> Healing and strength: Pray James' heart strengthens beyond what the doctors predict. Also, please pray for Caeden as he is still wrestling with finding the right medication dosage and significant diet changes with an HHT diagnosis.
--> Wisdom: We have some big decisions to make in the next few weeks. We need wisdom.
--> Provision and energy: Again, the Lord has been faithful to provide just enough at just the right time… but it is so easy for fear to creep in for our future. Pray our focus is on the Lord's faithfulness and not fear. James is not in a position to be able to work still. And, while I am so thankful for the flexibility of my business and the growth we are seeing, it is growing slower than our expenses have increased (meds, car repair, and now a gym membership). Pray for our needs to be met as we head into February… and for the energy I need to work while juggling all the other things going on.
I cannot tell you how blessed and utterly overwhelmed we have been by the generosity of so many. The thoughtful texts and scripture shared. The cards and gifts. And sometimes an unexpected check. The Lord has used you to pour "manna" over us. Our God has been so faithful to give us what we need at just the right time. We are so grateful. Please join us in praying for a heart that continues to overflow with gratitude and that all our needs will be met in abundance so that we, too, can pour into others the way we have been poured into. We continue to be asked how you can help support us financially while we get back on our feet. A dear friend set up a fundraiser with GiveSendGo. The details are in the comments if you are interested.
That's probably enough for now.
Well - let me say thank you.
I cannot tell you what it has meant for us to have YOU on our journey these past six months. A simple FB post that says "PRAY," and I know instantly that so many of you are praying. That is such a powerful gift… thank you. As things hopefully start easing, thank you for continuing to pray for our family. I didn't know marathons lasted so long… no wonder I'm not a runner! Ha! Seriously, we understand that this is a long haul… our need is great and overwhelming, BUT GOD. Thank you for being a part of our story… and His story. Words are not adequate.
To Him be the glory. Always.
January 14th, 2024
[update: ended up showing up at cardiology instead and they reinforced the dressing. That will get him through the night and he goes back in tomorrow (unless he happens to bleed through the reinforced bandages - but there is A LOT of gauze and pressure right now). Yay for no ER visit! Thanks for praying!]
Prayer need… the procedure went well yesterday to have the pacemaker inserted - but James’ incision is still bleeding. We saw the doc this morning for it, but it’s still going a bit. Just talked with them and they said monitor it for another hour or so and next step is take him to the ER to get help to stop it.
We’d like to avoid that. 🤪
Please join us in praying for the blessing to stop and for healing. Thank you!
December 29th, 2023
"Your delay is God's protection."
Years ago, we were on our first big road trip from Oregon to Texas for a business conference... and surprise, surprise, it didn't go quite as planned.
I was supposed to meet up with some colleagues beforehand for dinner, but our 4-hour drive into town turned into an 8-hour drive. Not only did I not get to freshen up from the long drive before the dinner, but I was incredibly late.
I was so frustrated!
After I posted my vent... er, prayer request on Facebook, a dear friend replied with a simple, powerful truth.
"Your delay is God's protection."
One of my favorite verses is Proverbs 3:5-6. You might know it.
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own understandings. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight."
Various parts of these verses have spoken to me over the years. Lately, what has spoken to me the most is that things are not how I see them.
What I see and understand on my path is so limited, yet I tend to lean on them and hold onto my perspective so intently. It is easy to base my understanding on what I understand about my circumstances.
But it isn't about my perspective.
"Lean not on your own understandings."
I don't know why we were delayed on our road trip that day. Perhaps there was a car accident we missed... who knows. It can be easy to speculate - but we will likely never really know.
This morning we had a different delay.
James was careful to follow the directions:
1. Don't take this med the night before.
2. Don't take this other med in the morning.
3. Oh, and if you are taking this other one, don't take that the day of either.
4. Eat a light breakfast, but nothing to eat or drink after 7 am.
5. Be at the hospital at noon.
Then, around 10 am, he got the call that the cardiologist had gone home sick and the ICD surgery would have to be rescheduled.
Just another blip to our plans today. Well, I can't say any of our circumstances these last 5 months (oh wait, 2+ years) have been part of our plans - but today, James' surgery to get off his 24/7 life-vest was delayed.
As we waited to find out how far out it would have to be rescheduled, my friend's comment from years ago came to mind.
"Your delay is God's protection."
While we don't understand why, I know my God doesn't waste anything. He is at work, and He is not unaware of the delay.
He might have even purposed it.
So, again, we are faced with a minute-by-minute choice.
I can focus on the delay...
or I can live my life expecting God to show up... It might not look like I thought, but He is so faithful.
When it comes down to it, it isn't about what I see.
the question is -
**Do I trust the One who does see?**
We are grateful the surgery has been rescheduled for Tuesday, January 2nd, and not months from now. Praying the Lord keeps James well (he had a low-grade fever tonight) and the road is smooth.
Thank you, again, for journeying with us. It is incredibly humbling to depend on others as we navigate these days. I have been staying up way later than I should. It is normal to be up until 2-3 am while I slowly spend more time pouring into my business to grow it back to what it was before we left Oregon and have it provide for our family. Appreciate continued prayers for "all the things." The Lord has been so faithful to show up in unexpected ways and places... and it is a regular thing that He uses His people to do so. Thank you.
December 20th, 2023
It's been almost five months since we first took James to the ER for a racing heart rate… we never could have guessed we would be traveling the road we've been on since. Some days, I feel stronger, while other times, the weight of grief and uncertainty feels suffocating. We've wondered why this is part of our story, and we have discussed and pondered much about the purpose behind what the Lord is doing in our lives - asking questions that, perhaps, anyone in our shoes would ask.
Where is the why?
Have you ever found yourself grappling with that same question in your own life? I cried out to the Lord a few days ago… feeling discouraged and alone… wanting to understand the purpose of all this hard.
He brought my thoughts to the story of Lazarus.
You know the story.
Jesus' dear friend, Lazarus, had gotten ill and was dead for four days before Jesus came back to see him. We find the shortest verse in the Bible in this story…
"Jesus wept."
(John 11:35)
Just before this, look what happened...
"So Jesus then said to them plainly, 'Lazarus is dead, and I am glad for your sakes that I was not there, so that you may believe; but let us go to him."
(John 11:14-15)
Did you see it?
Jesus shares that He is glad His friends got to see this ugly… so they could witness the beautiful that followed. Another translation says, "You're about to be given new grounds for believing."
This is what our King does. It is His very nature - He takes the ugliest of circumstances and transforms them into new grounds for believing.
He allows us to face the depths of the impossible so we can experience His glory in profound ways we otherwise couldn't.
My prayer is simple - To have eyes to see the goodness of the Lord in the midst of this unbearable hard.
"Yet this I call to mind and
Therefore I have hope;
Because of the Lord's
Great love we are not consumed,
For his compassions never fail.
They are new every morning;
Great is your faithfulness."
(Lamentations 3:21-23)
And my favorite… verse 32:
"Though He brings grief,
He will show compassion,
So great is His unfailing love."
While we might not always know the why… He does. And this longing stirs within us a thirst for eternity, where only beauty will remain.
As for James' health, the journey continues. He is scheduled for an internal defibrillator placement on the 27th - a measure that doesn't change the prognosis but serves as a precautionary backup. While we are so thankful this takes him off the life vest, it is hard not to be frustrated that it doesn't improve his heart health or output; it is a backup if his heart fails. In other words, we don't know what the future looks like.
He is getting stronger through the cardiac rehab program. It is important that he continue physical strength training to strengthen the healthy parts of his heart to compensate for the low output… but this strengthening has been incredibly slow. Besides having cardiac rehab 3x/week, every other week, some problem seems to arise, requiring more hospital/doctor visits.
We are thankful his recent staph infection was dealt with quickly, and the cold he came down with last week was short-lived. Praise the Lord!
Everything seems magnified right now, so we pray for no new surprises that would delay his surgery on the 27th.
All five of us have struggled in some way with discouragement these last few weeks… And every time I pray for encouragement, the Lord meets me in my mess with one of your texts, emails, cards, or gifts. I cannot express my gratitude enough!! If the Lord nudges you to reach out to someone - even just to let them know you are thinking of them or praying for them- don't hesitate. The Lord uses it all.
Your prayers are a lifeline, anchoring us to the One who hears and answers. Please continue to bring us to the throne room of our God in prayer… We cannot marathon alone.
Would you join us in specific prayers:
* That the Lord would encourage and uplift each member of our family (all five of us), reinforcing our faith in His mightiness.
* For James' strength leading up to the surgery on the 27th, and for complete healing and renewed strength each day.
* Please pray for wisdom and connections I need to make
* Continued healing for Caeden, whose new medication shows gradual signs of improvement
* Provision. With our increased expenses and decreased income these last five months, we look back and see how generously the Lord has given us just what we needed at just the right time. We are so thankful for so many of you who have been so generous in supporting us. Pray the Lord blesses my work to be enough to provide for our family and that I am a good steward of my time… I'm struggling to have the bandwidth.
* Prayer for strength and guidance as we approach a different and somewhat lonely Christmas.
Ultimately, please pray that the Lord would be glorified through all of this. That, while we long for encouragement and community, we can be that to others. And that nothing is wasted.
Thank you for journeying with us and lifting us up in prayer. We cling to the hope that the Lord will use this for His glory and purpose.
To Him be the glory.
December 20th, 2023
I want a different blessing.
Yep. I caught myself whispering those words when I was getting ready the other day.
The last thing I want is to be a complainer… yet I have really struggled this week. I've found myself going from my son's room in the middle of the night to help rub James' feet so he can have some sense of feeling and circulation… then back to our son's room, who has been profoundly struggling with his own heart stuff.
I'm going from crisis to crisis - trying to put out fires or just making sure they don't burn everything down.
It is sometimes consuming… and when I allow my thoughts to camp there too long, I catch words slip from my lips that I don't want to claim.
A couple of weeks ago, in an effort to encourage me, someone said, "It won't always be this way." What they didn't know is that the Lord and I have been having a little wrestle on this one. While it has only been four months, it FEELS like it will always be this way. If I'm honest, the future is a bit scary when I feel like I'm barely carrying on as it is… how in the world can we continue to have crisis after crisis? It isn't sustainable. Surely, the Lord knows!
And that is when I am faced with a very real Truth.
I realize I may be being a bit dramatic - but I'm sleep-deprived, so bear with me…
What if it IS like this for the rest of our lives?
Plenty of people in this world face a lifetime of real suffering and trials. What if that is what our future holds?
Am I okay with that?
So this has been my wrestle.
I'm reminded of the story shared with me by someone whose husband was dealing with ALS. I might have shared this before - but it is worth sharing again…
One afternoon, she told her husband she had had enough… she was done with this struggle. She was, quite literally, watching her husband die, and it was too much. She wanted a different blessing. I will never forget her husband's response. He took her to the book of Luke.
In Luke 7:20-23 John the Baptist is in prison, and his followers go to Jesus to tell Him… probably thinking that if Jesus is who John the Baptist says He is, then He will/can get John out.
But Jesus doesn't.
They thought Jesus would fix it. Isn't that what He was supposed to do?… come and fix everything? Make everything wrong, right again?
Instead, Jesus tells them that John knows who Jesus is.
He knows that He is GOD… and then exhorts them by telling them not to be offended by what God is doing and how He does it.
I have a choice.
I am either IN, or I'm not. It really is that simple.
I either believe Jesus is who He says He is… and let this Truth change me. Or I don't. This Truth leads me to how I will respond to the circumstances in my life.
I can trust my King. I can trust that the things my Lord is doing in my life and around me are well within His loving arms…
Or I can choose to be angry and bitter about how I am treated in this world.
I can choose to be angry and bitter about my circumstances… and according to the world's standards, I might very well be right to choose that.
But HE is God.
I am not.
What if the healing doesn't come in this life on earth?
What if circumstances don't change?
What if this journey seems only to offer suffering and pain?
Do I still hold fast to what I know to be true?
Can I still know that He is King?
Can I still trust His love for me?
He still IS the God who fixes things… but maybe His fixing looks very different than my fixing.
Will I be offended even if the healing doesn't come as I think it should or want?
"Blessed is he who does not take offense at Me." Luke 7:23
So, my King gave me a beautiful gift today in the middle of this wrestling.
I was driving to pick up one of the kids out on the country roads of Missouri when I saw a HUGE rainbow out my window! I can't remember ever seeing one this big! And every time I looked over, it was BIGGER and actually a double rainbow! Then, when I went around the bend, I saw that it was also on the other side of me.
For 25 minutes, I drove these country roads, and the rainbow just got bigger and bigger the entire time. At one point, I had to stop and take a picture of the sunset on one side of my car and the rainbow on the other.
And you know what I couldn't help but whisper?
"Thank you. Thank you, Jesus."
For 25 minutes, I was offering my gratitude for the promises of a faithful God who sees, knows, and journeys with me.
I don't know what the future holds for us.
I don't need to know.
I only need to know that my Hope is found in the everlasting love of my Savior, Jesus Christ. He is faithful and brings new mercies every single morning.
"Now God has us where he wants us, with all the time in this world and the next to shower grace and kindness upon us in Christ Jesus." Ephesians 2:7
Again, we so appreciate your prayers and words of encouragement… and the Christmas cards - oh, thank you! They lessen the sting of being alone for the holidays.
Please continue to pray for James' healing.
His body is so sore. His arm is bruising now from the infection, and he isn't feeling well from the double dose of antibiotics they have him on.
Pray for much-needed encouragement.
So many are hurting and struggling right now… it burdens me not to be the giver right now when there is so much need. Pray that we can be an encouragement… and will be encouraged as we wrestle.
Pray for wisdom and good stewardship.
I want to be a good steward of my time and resources, but I struggle to escape this survival mode, making it easy for important things to fall through the cracks. I feel like I need to be at the top of my game - but I am so tired.
Pray for provision.
My mom raised me to be incredibly frugal… so every time I need to order new meds for James, I just about throw up.
Pray for peace.
The Lord has put so much on our hearts… we feel like there is so much work to be done, and yet we physically can't do it. Pray for peace to guard our hearts and minds when discouragement sneaks in.
Thank you isn't enough.
The Body of Christ is a beautiful gift. And, even if this isn't the blessing I want, the Lord has been faithful to carry us and journey with us through this incredibly painful time. And I am grateful.
December 20th, 2023
[update: doc called in 2 antibiotics for him to be on for the next week. We are praying his gut handles them well and he doesn’t spiral back to weight loss.]
What would your response be if you were waiting for someone who would change your life and suddenly heard, "LOOK! He's on his way!" or "He's Coming!"
I would be eagerly expecting Him to show up any time… Actually, I would more likely be eagerly anticipating Him to show up within the next 5 minutes.
Can you imagine if you were waiting and it took 400 YEARS before He came? If I knew someone would take another 400 years, I wouldn't say, "LOOK! He's on his way!"
After reading the beginning of Malachi 3 earlier today, it struck me how different the Lord's timing is than mine. This passage was written about the birth of Jesus... 400 years before He was born:
"Look! I'm sending my messenger on ahead to clear the way for me. Suddenly, out of the blue, the Leader you've been looking for will enter his Temple - yes, the Messenger of the Covenant, the one you've been waiting for. Look! He's on his way!" A Message from the mouth of God-of-the-Angel-Armies."
Malachi 3:1
It's sad to admit that sometimes my waiting feels like 400 years (!!)…
I'm impatient that way.
And, usually, when I'm waiting, I'm often complaining. I'm a builder… a do-er. Although I can appreciate sitting still - it doesn't take me long to start tapping my fingers or twiddling my thumbs, eager for MOVEMENT.
I once read that the word "wait" in Scripture often doesn't mean wait like we think it does. It isn't a "hoping for this to be over" wait; instead, it is an active wait… it is perseverance, enduring… continuing on. It often means to "dwell" or "stay". To "hang on"… also the same word used for "abide".
I'm reminded of John Waller's song, While I'm Waiting…
https://youtu.be/Bb7TSGptd3Y
As we come to celebrate the birth of our Savior, we are also in a place of waiting for His return… But, I think many of us might be in a place of waiting on a smaller scale.
Waiting for healing.
Waiting for answers.
Waiting for change.
Waiting for suffering to end.
As much as I want the waiting to end, I am learning there is purpose, and it won't be wasted. There is work to be done - even in the waiting. I am learning more about the character and, oh so deep, love of my King in this journey... and while I might not choose the journey, I can choose joy walking through it.
What are you waiting for?
Hang in there, friend! Read that verse in Malachi again…
"...Suddenly, out of the blue, the Leader you've been looking for will enter his Temple."
"Be brave. Be strong. Don't give up.
Expect God to get here soon." Ps. 31:24
He is faithful, and His mercies are new every. single. morning.
Over the weekend, James' right arm started to bother him. It progressively got more painful and started to swell on Monday. Last night, he had a good low-grade fever, redness, and increased swelling, triggering a doctor's visit. We were already going to be over there for cardiac-rehab anyhow - so why not make a day of it? While we are waiting to hear from the doctor (likely tomorrow at this point), the initial labwork looks like cellulitis. We are working to boost his immune system more tonight and keep him comfortable since we won't hear from the doctor about antibiotics until tomorrow.
Appreciate prayers—nothing like another good staph infection.
I would be lying through my teeth if I indicated that we weren't tired of this space. I have never been a good runner; this marathon is more than I can handle. While this issue has a simple solution, I notice that my first response is fight or flight. Of course, sometimes that is a necessary survival response - but in the middle of this survival mode, we desire to wait for the Lord patiently. He promises to show up - and His timing is always perfect, no matter how long.
Specific needs to pray for:
- healing
- wisdom. Still so many decisions that I need to get to and make.
- to use our time and resources well
- encouragement and community. I asked the kids what they wanted for Christmas and one of them said, "people"... that spoke deeply to my heart.
- provision. James hasn't worked since July. I'm so thankful for the work the Lord has prepared for me ahead of time. Praying I be a good steward of my time and have the focus/energy to pour into it well so that it grows to provide for our family.
I know it's been a while since I updated. This survival mode has become our "normal" for now... we are still running the marathon and so appreciate your prayers and encouragement. The notes, scripture texts, cards, meals... your generosity to remind us that we are seen and known meets a deep need. May we do the same for others who we know. ❤
December 20th, 2023
Our God is a God who turns things that are falling apart. He takes the broken and ugly and makes them beautiful. He is writing a story of taking ashes and giving a crown of beauty instead.
I was reading Isaiah 61, where that verse about giving beauty for ashes comes in. This passage explains over and over the things our God turns into beauty.
He binds the brokenhearted
He gives freedom to the captives
… releases from darkness for the prisoners
… comfort for those who mourn
… providence for those who grieve
… a crown of beauty for ashes
… joy for mourning
… praise instead of a spirit of despair
The brokenhearted, the captives, the prisoners… those who mourn and grieve, those with ashes, those in despair… "These will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of His splendor." (Isaiah 61:3)
What if we have to go through the mourning to experience the comfort? Can I recognize beauty without knowing ashes?
I won't know or understand the tremendous freedom found in Jesus if I don't recognize my sin. If I don't see my captivity, how can I know freedom?
In this world, in our sinful nature, we will have plenty of opportunities to experience these ugly and difficult things. I know we aren't the only ones going through a difficult season.
But it isn't about our circumstances.
Our King knows where we have been, and we trust He has a plan to transform and make things new and beautiful. Sometimes, I need to train my eyes to see it.
A while back, I came across this quote:
"The greatest oak was once a little nut that held its ground."
In our grief and despair - in our hard - the only way is to come to our King, choosing to stand firm in righteousness, clinging to our God, offering our ugly-hard to Him.
All these things - the prison, mourning, despair, and grief.
All of it is transformed when we come to Him.
And for what purpose?
Our Lord and King transform our ashes into His beautiful, making us like "oaks of righteousness" to display His glory.
All things worked together for our good and His glory… which I'm realizing are the same.
We are called oaks of righteousness, planted to display His glory.
How do we do that?
We share our story.
We share the struggle of our weakness.
We share our grief.
We share our ashes and brokenness.
And then, we share our story of being made new.
It isn't our "stuff" or circumstances that He turns around.
It is us.
It is His story of redemption in our lives.
"Therefore, we do not lose heart, but though our outer man is decaying, yet our inner man is being renewed day by day. For momentary, light affliction is producing for us an eternal weight of glory far beyond all comparison, while we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen; for the things which are seen are temporal, but the things which are not seen are eternal...
For we walk by faith, not by sight…" II Corinthians 4:16-18, 5:7
Wednesday was a hard day. We had seen the echo report going into the doctor's appointment, and it didn't look very encouraging.
The current ECHO cardiogram shows no improvement in James' heart ejection fraction (output). He is still at 25%. From what we understand, a part of his heart will never improve. Her word was "dead". On the other hand, the other parts of his heart are strengthening and will eventually help compensate for the low EF; however, it isn't expected to reach normal range.
To get him off the life-vest, next steps include outpatient surgery to insert an internal defibrillator. We hope that is sooner rather than later… nothing is scheduled yet.
Again, we can not express the blessing your prayers and encouragement have been. It was as if the Lord planned a wave of encouragement leading up to this appointment... and that was from you. Thank you isn't enough.
To Him be the glory.
Please continue to pray for James and our family. We are exhausted.
December 20th, 2023
“Bystanders. Do Not Interfere.”
We were in the hospital on Friday, walking towards the elevators after his ECHO appointment, and suddenly James said, “Oh No!”
His hands were full, and his life vest vibrated… then it started beeping loudly - indicating that it wasn’t reading his heart rate well. Usually, James pushes the buttons to turn it off, and then we figure out which pad isn’t connecting to his skin well, and he is good to go.
But in the hospital on Friday, he had his sweatshirt and a jacket over the computer part of the vest, making it difficult to get to quickly — By the time he got to it, it was belting out, “Bystanders. Do Not Interfere.” If he were unconscious and not able to press the buttons to stop it, the next step is that it shock the patient to restart the heart. We were laughing with relief that he turned it off, but it must have scared everyone in the lobby and on that floor as the voice echoed across the hospital waiting areas!
Every day or so, he changes the vest to a clean one… and I clean the pads and connectors while he showers - not going too far in case there is an emergency while he doesn't have it on. It is a regular reminder of the fragility of his heart. Honestly, I wouldn’t say I like doing it. It’s a hard reminder that I’d rather not have in the forefront of my mind — but somehow, I find joy in it.
There is something about doing the hard… maybe it’s that I’m learning to embrace it? No, that’s not it. I think I’m learning to lean into the Lord in the midst of the hard… learning to embrace HIM, not the difficulty itself.
See, the thing is, as we journey through whatever is before us... if we walk with our eyes turned towards the Lord, our perspective changes from the hard to Him.
Somehow, as I wipe the pads down on his life vest, the thoughts of a fragile life and this difficult season turn to the gift of life… maybe I enjoy cleaning them because I enjoy rediscovering that perspective.
“I would have despaired unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; Be strong, and let your heart take courage; yes, wait for the Lord.” Psalm 27:13-14
Many of you have been asking about results from Friday’s ECHO. We get results from James ECHO this Wednesday. We are hopeful his EF is much improved. While we aren’t expecting it to be this high, it would be amazing for it to be above 50!! (50-75 is normal range) Last tested it was around 25% and I think it has to get up to 35-40% for the vest to be removed.
The ECHO also was used to test for abnormal blood vessels (HHT) in the lungs. It is suspected. Caeden’s ECHO came back positive — and considering it is genetic, we are expecting to see the same results from James. I’ll share more about that later - but it involves more big changes to our lifestyle.
The Lord has been so faithful to encourage us this week. Thank you for inviting us for a meal, the cards, the reminders of scripture, the generosity and financial care. All these reminders do not get old but are a lifeline, pointing us to the Truth that our Lord uses everything and has new mercies every morning.
Please continue to pray for:
- James’ EF to be 50+!
- Continued healing for James and Caeden
- Encouragement & community
- Wisdom and energy for me as I’m trying to work more
- Provision
November 14th, 2023
Date night… er, morning (although it feels like night 🤪).
At the hospital with James for his 3 month follow up ECHO. We get results on Wednesday.
Praying he gets the life vest off and the best possible outcome. Even if… we trust the One who saves. To Him be the glory.
November 14th, 2023
So much this in these last few days and weeks (months). More than ever realizing just how weak I am... This adventure has been hard. But I know the One who is strong in my weakness.
It is so easy to desire to be more. To be strong. To be able to handle "it"... or at least to portray strength.
We are trained to believe limits are weakness.
You only need to be stronger...
faster...
smarter...
taller...
skinnier...
richer...
more this...
more that...
more (you fill in the blank)...
But what if we embraced our limits as an opportunity to invite our King in?
What if in our weakness, we had eyes to see the unseen... eyes to see the strength of our Lord working in ways we never thought imaginable?
Over and over in scripture we read how our God steps into the impossible...
Our God is the God who steps into the firing furnace and saves.
Our God is the God who turns ashes into beauty...
who heals the sick and makes the blind see!
He is the God who takes the little we bring and turns it into abundance.
The One who rained manna from the sky.
He is the God who parted the Red Sea and turned water into wine.
Our God is the King who raises the dead!
Our limits are an opportunity to see His work in the impossible.
To Him be the glory.
"But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me."
II Corinthians 12:9
Again, thank you for praying for us! What a gift we can give each other… to pray. ❤️
James Rx finally got through! And it looks like Caeden will be able to get in to see cardiology this week. He has been on meds for almost 2 weeks and not seeing the results he hoped for… so thankful he gets to see the same doc James is seeing. That’s Thursday and then James has his echo Friday. 🙏
(I find it interesting that I wrote this in 2018… and I wonder what was going on in my life at the time 🤔🤪 Doesn’t really matter - in big and small circumstances, this Truth remains).
November 4th, 2023
“Return to your rest, O my soul, For the Lord has dealt bountifully with you.”
I don’t know about you, but when I read Scripture, I often find myself having a conversation with the Lord about what I’m reading.
Tonight, I was reading Psalm 116 -
I love the Lord, because He hears
My voice and my supplications.
Because He has inclined His ear to me,
Therefore I shall call upon Him as long as I live.
The cords of death encompassed me,
And the terrors of Sheol came upon me;
I found distress and sorrow.
Then I called upon the name of the Lord:
“O Lord, I beseech Thee, save my life!”
Gracious is the Lord, and righteous;
Yes, our God is compassionate.
The Lord preserves the simple,
I was brought low, and He saved me.
Return to your rest, O my soul,
For the Lord has dealt bountifully with you.”
Hmm.
I don’t feel like the Lord has dealt bountifully with me. I’d say it feels like we have gotten the short end of the stick for a while now. LOL… Even others, when they hear our story, are surprised by all the “bad luck” we have had…
Yep. That was my honest response to reading Psalm 116.
Then it hit me like a ton of bricks…
What if instead of people seeing the “bad luck” in our circumstances over the last few years, they saw the Lord transforming a family of five into people who walk deeper with the One who saves in the middle of these “bad luck” circumstances?
What if the depth of joy and peace we can choose - regardless of circumstances - was so loud and clear that others left changed because of it?
That’s what happened with Paul. He was in prison and sang praises! His faith was so evident in terrible circumstances that others came to know Jesus as their Lord and Savior, and entire families were saved.
What if I lived that way?
What if I understood that this bounty and abundant life the Lord gives those who choose to follow Him was not based on circumstances at all… but was bigger and better… with eternal value?
If I had just kept reading, this very Psalm clearly states what this bounty is…
Verse 7:
“Return to your rest, O my soul,
For the Lord has dealt bountifully with you.
For Thou has rescued my soul from death,
My eyes from tears,
My feet from stumbling.
I shall walk before the Lord
In the land of the living.
I believed when I said,
‘I am greatly afflicted.’
…What shall I render to the Lord
For all His benefits towards me?
I shall lift up the cup of salvation,
And call upon the name of the Lord,
I shall pay my vows to the Lord,
Oh may it be in the presence of all His people.
Precious in the sight of the Lord
Is the death of His godly ones.
O Lord, surely I am Thy servant,
I am Thy servant, the son of Thy handmaid,
Thou hast loosed my bonds.
(And look at this…)
*To Thee I shall offer a sacrifice of thanksgiving,*
And call upon the name of the Lord.
I shall pay my own to the Lord,
Oh may it be in the presence of all His people,
In the courts of the Lord’s house,
In the midst of you, O Jerusalem.
Praise the Lord!”
Psalm 116
We’ve been through many challenging seasons… this one takes the cake so far. I am spread so thin both physically and emotionally - it is difficult to get to all the things I need to take care of. (and I promise, I am taking naps!)
Here’s the thing. And I’m smack in the middle of learning this in ways I never wanted to. Did you catch that my first response to reading this Psalm was about my feelings?
I don’t *feel* like the Lord is dealing bountifully with me.
But, the Truth tells me otherwise… in fact, my experience with my God tells me otherwise... and the Truth matters because it sets captives free. My feelings aren’t going to set me free like Truth will.
So - while I wish it wasn't such an effort, I’m working on acknowledging the feelings and comparing them with Truth. Then to not lean on what I see but on what the Lord says… because He is worth trusting.
We are nine days from James’ ECHO, which will help us know the next steps. We are encouraged that he continues to gain strength with cardiac rehab 3x/week… but he seems to be dancing with this congestion constantly.
Caeden started a medication to help with the adrenaline and heart issues he is struggling with. Things have consistently gotten more difficult since this began for him in March - and while we are hopeful for him to find relief soon with this medicine, we have yet to see it work for him and he is discouraged. I’m planning to hear back from the doctor tomorrow about it.
There is so much hard in all of this, I wouldn’t even know where to begin - we are all so exhausted emotionally, physically… and weary spiritually. This is a lonely road, and we are hungry for your encouragement and reminders of Truth… knowing we are brought to the throne room of the One True God is still such a lifeline. Thank You!
Please continue to pray for our family - specifically for:
- Complete healing for James and Caeden
- Wisdom
- Encouragement & Community
- Provision
- Good solutions for symptoms for Caeden and side-effects for James
- Patience
To the One who is ABLE and loves more than we understand... the One who works all things for our good and His glory... we offer our praise.
October 22nd, 2023
I’ve been struggling to know how to share an update.
The Lord is teaching me so much in this season - but I think this wrestle I find myself in with Him is just between us for now.
I think our God is working deep in all of our hearts as we grieve plans and dreams… don’t get me wrong, we have so much to be grateful for - and we have hearts of gratitude - but, there is a grief in this place that is hard to put words to. Right now it is a deep feeling… and I appreciate prayers as we all process through what the Lord is walking us through. I knew this was going to be a marathon - but I’ve never run a marathon before and my legs are tired.
After dealing with increasing pulmonary edema two weeks ago, James started cardiac rehab last week and it finally feels like we are having days of recovery. He has a few weeks left in his “90 day window” to get his ejection fraction up above 40%. When he was tested last, he was at 20-25%. His next echocardiogram is November 10th and that will give us more info about whether it has increased. At that time, from what we understand, we have three options:
- Good to go
- Internal defibrillator
- Start talking about a heart transplant
Cardiac rehab has been encouraging as they work with him to strengthen. Not being able to keep anything down and losing almost 40 pounds took it’s toll, but he is impressing the nurses with his progress. Much to be thankful for!
After a massive nose - and a few other symptoms, cardiology has brought up another concern that we may be dealing with, a rare, genetic, disorder where the blood vessels don’t always properly develop. These can cause trouble with major organs (heart, lungs, brain, liver)… so his echo he has on the 10th will include looking for signs of these malformed blood vessels. He also has an MRI scheduled for his brain because of the noses. While a huge pain, HHT can be controlled (mostly) by a highly restrictive diet. Something else to be thankful for!
Our 18 year old has his echo-cardiogram scheduled for Monday. He is eager for answers but also extremely nervous. Once the echo is back, it sounds like cardiology will see him and order a longer heart holter monitor. Because HHT is hereditary and Caeden has some similar symptoms as James, they are going to be looking for this disorder on his echo as well.
We continue to be in awe of how the Lord has carried us through these last few months. In many ways we are shocked to already be coming up to the end of October — we are still stuck in July when all of this started. It is easy to feel like the world is passing us by, while we are stuck still. Being still isn’t a bad place to be though — but, not going to lie, FOMO is a struggle.
Please continue to join us in prayer… especially going into a new week.
Specifically pray for:
- Encouragement and community
- Complete healing for James
- Answers for Caeden and the heart issues he is dealing with
- Our eyes to be fixed on the One who is worth trusting
- That we would be good stewards of our time
- Provision
We continue to be asked how people can help with the overwhelming financial burden we have been facing. The Lord has been faithful to provide and Jenni has started to work a few hours a week again… but not working much since July has put a burden on us. We cannot express the depth of gratitude we have for so many of you who have generously prayed us through this time and/or helped with our financial obligations. You can visit givesendgo.com/TheHunts for information on how to donate or even send a prayer (I JUST figured out how to see the prayers people are sending!! THANK YOU!!).
To Him who is able to do all and more than we could ever ask or imagine… who gave His life so we could live an abundant life with Him… to Him be the glory forever. He is worthy of our praise.
[pic of James during his first lap at cardiac rehab last week]
October 13th, 2023
Can you imaging a warrior going into battle without armor? Wouldn’t it be ridiculous for them to show up with just a sword? Or only a helmet?
That’s what I did last night.
I was done. Tired. Ready for a new season… and I forgot my shield.
Ephesians 6 talks about putting on the FULL armor of God. It isn’t a “pick and choose”, it’s a “we need all of it” sort of deal.
We have a strategic enemy twisting Truth at every turn… whispering lies...
“It’s always going to be like this.”
“You are forgotten.”
“No one understands.”
“You will never get your feet under you.”
“You might as well give up now”
“You don’t have what it takes”
Now some of these aren’t lies at all — but they are reminders of who we are without Jesus.
I’ll be the first to admit that I don’t have what it takes to walk this journey right now. Ask my kids or the young adults who were hanging out at our house last night when I ended up needing to take Caeden to the ER.
After trying all our “tricks” to get his heart rate down from racing to over 150 bpm for an hour, I said, “I don’t know what to do.” See, I had forgotten my shield of Faith. But one of the young men said without hesitation, “Let’s pray!” And continued to do so.
The kids helped me get Caeden to the car and I turned and said to Halle and a couple of her friends, “I am really angry right now.” And one of them stepped forward and hugged me, said, “I know” and then reminded me that our God has this.
I don’t have what it takes.
But my God does - and sometimes we need little (or big) reminders of this powerful Truth. We need each other, guys! We need to be reminded and remind others of the simple things like “let’s pray!”
After a few recent trips to the ER, I have a mental checklist of what to bring:
- Phone/power cord
- Shorts for the patient
- SNACKS and water
- Sweatshirt
- My Bible
I packed my things then went in the living room to ask Caeden if there was anything he needed me to bring.
“My Bible. Can you get my Bible?”
Of course things settled a bit as soon as he got on the hospital bed… but the doctor hung out for an hour answering all of Caeden’s questions. He was the perfect doctor for Caeden to see.
We left with more tools in our tool belt and instructions to continue care with our primary to get the echocardiogram in a couple weeks.
We got home around 2:30am and slept in until about 2pm today. When I got up, I caught a glimpse of Caeden’s Bible on the table…
“Grab my Bible, mom!”
Of all the things he wanted with him in crisis, he chose Truth. We have much to be thankful for. ❤️
Please continue to remind us of Truth… especially in this season. We are tired of the journey, and yet we desire to live it well.
Join us in praying for:
- More answers for Caeden as he has a few more tests this month
- More answers for James as a new possible diagnosis has become part of the discussion
- Complete healing - James starting losing significant weight again and is struggling with fluid around his heart and lungs once more.
- Encouragement, energy, and wisdom
- Community
- Provision
May our Lord use all these things for His glory. Even in my frustration and anger - He is my Savior and I trust Him fully.
October 13th, 2023
I think we have been to the hospital or lab everyday this week… and it seems to always be an all day thing. Honestly, it feels like there just hasn’t been a break and I can’t put words to the exhaustion… sometimes all I can think about is how tired I am. I can’t imagine how much more James’ is fatigued.
In my weakness I am thankful to know where my strength comes from, though. I’ve been camping in the Psalms the last few months and when I read through Psalm 61 the other day, I couldn’t believe I didn’t have this one verse underlined! I love how needed Scripture pops out at the right time.
“…Lead me to the rock that is higher than I.”
This. More of this. Less of me and more of Him because He IS the Rock that is higher than I. Where I can’t walk, He can… and He is so gentle with me.
We are thankful that a nose in the middle of the night (lasting a couple hours) didn't end up to a trip to the ER. Advice nurse on the phone was very helpful in working with us to get it under control. Today we are off for more labs because of a fever that keeps popping up. That combined with the fluid build up he is having in his heart and lungs right now could be of concern.
He is out of breath so easily… We did have a good appointment with cardiology yesterday. Even though they were behind and super busy due to an emergency the cardiologist had to attend to, they spent an hour with us answering all our questions.
Prayers that there is no resurfacing of the blood infection he was on antibiotics for before. [update: tests are negative]
Also praying his kidney function and heart are on the mend and not causing the fever.
Thank you for joining us to pray for his meds to show up before needing to buy them at the local pharmacy. We are still waiting…. It the Lord is so faithful and provides.
The two he is out of are $15+per tab at Walmart (with discounts) and he takes them 2x/day. But at this international pharmacy, it’s $per tab… so we are picking up just a few at a time at Walmart to get him through until the others come. If you need a deal on meds - hit me up. Just know it takes 3+ weeks to arrive so plan accordingly. 😬🤪 [update: all meds have arrived!]
October 4th, 2023
After a couple of days with more energy last week, It’s been a couple of rough nights… James is struggling with shortness of breath and he is coughing constantly. Waiting to hear from the doc - but they’ve been trying to help give him relief for almost a week now. He is on 3 nasal sprays, 2 inhalers, and a couple other allergy meds. At this point I think all the things are being counterproductive… he just needs relief.
We know the One who sees and knows and heals… asking for continued prayers for James to progress towards healing.
Thank you! ❤️
Update: Mild pulmonary edema and small left and right pleural effusions.
Waiting on lab work.
Low grade fever tonight with slightly elevated blood pressure and heart rate. Other symptoms have eased some… praying for good rest tonight so his body heals.
October 4th, 2023
I've been sitting here for a while trying to have the words to share an update. Last week was busy with daily doctor's appointments or visits.
Things are moving along. While James can’t be left alone because he wears a life-vest, he does continue to eat and eat and eat. He is gaining at a healthy pace, and we have much to be thankful for. He is struggling with a cough that wears him out pretty quickly, though. I have noticed he is sleeping better - more restful… although still on the couch to be better propped up. As he tries to push through, it is hard to know where the balance is between resting well and being up and about.
Our youngest is working his way through different tests… so far, things look good, and we are thankful for those answers and being able to rule out some issues we were concerned about. He has an echo-cardiogram later this month, giving us an even bigger picture of what is happening.
A few have asked us if we have found a rhythm or "normal,"… After a couple months of this adventure, I would have thought we would by now; however, I still feel like I'm spinning plates trying to figure out which ones to let fall - and then being okay with them falling (without being grumpy 😬). I don't really know how I feel right now.
Busy.
Maybe a bit numb.
Overwhelmed with simple things like meal planning and just getting to the store.
Frustrated that I can't seem to get caught up. My efforts don't seem to do enough… and that thought is what brought me to this timely Truth.
Do you remember the story of the feeding of the five-thousand? Can I refresh your memory?
"After these things Jesus went away to the other side of the Sea of Galilee (or Tiberias). A large crowd followed Him, because they saw the signs which He was performing on those who were sick. Then Jesus went up on the mountain, and there He sat down with His disciples. Now the Passover, the feast of the Jews, was near. Therefore Jesus, lifting up His eyes and seeing that a large crowd was coming to Him, said to Philip, "Where are we to buy bread, so that these may eat?" This He was saying to test him, for He Himself knew what He was intending to do. Philip answered Him, "Two hundred denarii worth of bread is not sufficient for them, for everyone to receive a little." One of His disciples, Andrew, Simon Peter's brother, said to Him, "There is a lad here who has five barley loaves and two fish, but what are these for so many people?" Jesus said, "Have the people sit down." Now there was much grass in the place. So the men sat down, in number about five thousand. Jesus then took the loaves, and having given thanks, He distributed to those who were seated; likewise also of the fish as much as they wanted. When they were filled, He said to His disciples, "Gather up the leftover fragments so that nothing will be lost." So they gathered them up, and filled twelve baskets with fragments from the five barley loaves which were left over by those who had eaten. Therefore when the people saw the sign which He had performed, they said, "This is truly the Prophet who is to come into the world."
John 6:1-14
This story is recorded in all four Gospels in the Bible - but I think it is interesting that only the book of John tells us where the food came from.
It was a little boy who shared his lunch.
This stops me in my tracks.
This boy clearly did not have even close to enough to feed all the people… offering his lunch to Jesus anyhow. This single obedient act ushered the way for Jesus to perform that amazing miracle story we still talk about today.
See, if I was there… I may have had a packed snack or a lunch - but I certainly wouldn't have offered it to Jesus… because I KNOW BETTER.
It isn't enough.
That's the truth.
What I have to offer isn't enough. But maybe that is the point.
I have a broken mess - and "common sense" (or maybe the enemy) persist to tell me I don't have enough. But the TRUTH is that my Jesus invites me to come anyhow. He does the rest… Out of his great compassion and love, He does the rest.
I don’t have to have enough, because He IS enough.
May I remember how deep my Jesus loves when my plate of stuff to do is overwhelming. So good to be reminded of this Truth and fight the enemy’s discouragement with it. Lord, Jesus, remind me that out of this battle, a story is being written of my God using my “not enough” because You delight in inviting me to be a part of Your story.
I am so humbled by the texts and notes from you all… the reminders of Truth and encouragement are life giving. Thank you for continuing to pray for us through this marathon. Thank you for not growing weary or tired of praying for us. I cannot tell you how much you are being used to remind us that we are not alone. Thank you.
Please continue to pray that:
* James' meds come before he runs out Monday night. The doctor is out of samples, and the delivery is slower than anticipated. This particular medication is an anti-platelet they put him on to replace the one that caused him going to the hospital the second time.
* Complete healing - James is almost 60 days into his 90-day window of rest and healing. Pray these last 30 days are filled with a strengthened heart.
* Encouragement and peace (especially for James and our son)
* Wisdom and clarity of thought
* Community
* Provision
September 27th, 2023
My happy place.
The beach has always been a place for me to find respite. Even in the most challenging moments, listening to the waves crashing reminds me of a God big enough to create such majestic seas. When staring at the waves, I find comfort in knowing that He can hold the waves back with a single word if He so chooses. I hear it in the thunderstorms now that we are in Arkansas. A mighty God… and yet, one who sees and knows and is so very gentle with me.
Today was hard.
The waves feel like they keep crashing over and over… only this time, instead of watching them, they are crashing over me. Sometimes, it seems like we can't get a foothold before the next wave comes, and we tumble, trying to stand. It would be comical… if it wasn't.
It's too deep for me.
Not only are the waves crashing, the waters are deep.
My feet can't stand… and the words from Psalm 42:7 have a new meaning:
"Deep calls to deep at the sound of Thy waterfalls; All Thy breakers and Thy waves have rolled over me."
This morning, I brought our youngest to the doctor because he has been presenting symptoms mimicking the heart issues James’ was having when he went to the ER in July. We know some anxiety has been contributing - but he has had enough recent episodes of a significant racing heart rate that we wanted to take him in to rule out anything more serious.
We chose to bring him to the same doctor overseeing James' health right now… and I'm thankful we did. She is "no nonsense" and isn't afraid to dig deep. She is the one who finally did something about James losing weight. We knew she would understand our concerns and dig past anxiety for our son. Because of James' history, she pushed through some things that I'm not sure another doctor would have done.
Listening to his heart, she recognized something that called for an EKG. The EKG confirmed her suspicions of an extra heartbeat and other things that might be of concern. They will be doing an echocardiogram and a few other things still. She will refer him to James' cardiologist.
It isn't easy to go through this with your husband.
And it isn't easy to go through this with your 18-year-old.
It's really not easy to go through both at the same time.
Wave after wave.
Deep calls to deep.
We are in deep, friends. I don't know how else to say it. It is a scary place. It's a raging sea.
But deep calls to Deep.
Where the depth of our troubles are… where we feel like we are drowning and can't get footing… we also find that our King is deeper still.
My deep calls to our Lord's deep.
"Why are you in despair, O my soul? And why have you come disturbed within me? Hope in God, for I shall yet praise Him, The help of my countenance, and my God."
Psalm 42:11 NASB
An old song has been on my mind. In a different, difficult season, I remember singing it on a walk on the beach one morning while on retreat… Actually, it was more like crying than singing it out to the Lord.
---
There's a ragin' sea right in front of me
Wants to pull me in, bring me to my knees
***So let the waters rise if You want them to***
I will follow You, I will follow You, I will follow You
I will swim in the deep 'cause You'll be next to me
You're in the eye of the storm and the calm of the sea
You're never out of reach
God, You know where I've been and You were there with me then
You were faithful before, You'll be faithful again,
I'm holding Your hand
[Let the Waters Rise by Mikeschair]
---
Even in the deep.
Even in the raging sea.
…in the crazy chaos all around…
My God was faithful before, and He will be faithful again. I'm sticking to that Truth.
Again, we covet your prayers.
I am so humbled by each of you blessing us in so many ways. Some might seem like small ways, but they are all big in my heart.
May all the glory be to the God of all creation, who loves us so.
Please pray specifically for the following:
*That the Lord be glorified!
*Complete healing
*James' continued weight and energy gain - he has had much better energy the last two days!
*A covering of peace, especially over our son
*Restful sleep
*Provision
Let the Waters Rise by Mikeschair - worth a listen: https://youtu.be/3rm5U4wb85g?feature=shared
Many of you continue to ask how you can help financially. I don't have words at the generosity we have experienced. If you'd like to help us that way... or send a note of encouragement or prayer - you can do that here on this GiveSendGo page.
September 21st, 2023
James was able to meet with his Saturday morning group of guys last week for the first time since July. Wore him out… but he needed it. As he shared a bit we found ourselves full of gratitude for the Body of Christ.
I know I’ve shared this before… but it is worth saying again. We have never experienced the body like we have these last couple of months.
And you know what? Our kids are watching… and your kids are watching.
Did you know that the first time James was in the ER, two young men (17 and 21) were the first to come down to pray with us?
My daughter, Halle, shared a poem she wrote about the body of Christ… brought me to tears. I share it below.
Thank you for stepping in to answer the call. We could not walk this journey alone… and none of us are meant to.
A poem about Christian Community by Halle Hunt
To bring the comfort and peace of the
One who gives love, unknown you came.
As we prepared the burial of our dreams
and received the joy of His, with peace you came.
As we faced the storm and almost faltered
from the force of it all, with His strength you came.
Even as we stood alone to face a cavern
filled with giants, with swords you came.
In silence of our sufferings, when we had no voice
to speak, with words you came.
Now I understand, if only a little bit, the ways of the Lord
and I have hope because when He called you, you came.
September 15th, 2023
Earlier today, James listed all the foods that sound good to him. I would say his appetite is good 🤪
Sushi
Turkey Sandwich
Pad Thai
Chinese food
Mexican - specifically Chipotle
Potato salad
Teriyaki
Cheeseburger
Potatoes and eggs
Tamales
Burrito
Fruit
Tacos
I'm grateful.
Turns out we have a lot to be thankful for.
* James has been home for four weeks now. Eight weeks since this adventure started… Seems like a lifetime and only hours at the same time.
* There is so much to process these days… sometimes it comes easy, while other times I feel stuck. There is just so much… and each day brings something new.
* As much as there has been impossible, there is much to be grateful for. It seems appropriate to dwell on these things. I've noticed that the things I find gratitude in have come out of the impossible. Hmm.
* Today, I am thankful that James is keeping food down and gaining weight.
* The thought crossed my mind how thankful I am that we are not in the trailer and trying to travel right now.
* I'm thankful for the little lunch date I had with James yesterday. He was utterly exhausted from showering and a doctor's appointment - but on the way home, apparently, his appetite was more substantial than his fatigue.
* I'm thankful the doctor found samples today for our multiple $500+ea meds 😳 AND grateful for a friend sharing a less expensive pharmacy option.
* I am thankful for the community and men reaching out to James, praying for him, and reminding him of the Hope he has.
* So much gratitude for the prayers of fellow saints. Every time we ask for a specific prayer, it has been answered.
* I am humbled and deeply grateful for those who have helped us financially. Sometimes, we only realize the weight we carry once it is lifted. While I'm working when I can, it is such a blessing to be able to step away and care for my family as needed.
* I'm amazed how we have been encouraged and carried so far in many different ways. Each of you brings a unique gift that blesses… a new friend mowing our lawn… cards of encouragement showing up in our mailbox 😍… advice for dealing with car issues… many of you jumping in because you saw a need I didn't even know we had yet… help with medical decisions… hosting webinars for me last minute… and so much more.
Care-giving is a lonely place… but you guys carry that burden with me, and I am thankful. ❤️
We are into month two of the three months James has to strengthen his heart. After the 90 days, they will evaluate where he is, and we will discuss the following options:
- Good to go!
- Get an internal defibrillator
- Start discussing heart transplant options
We are praying for good to go! Join us?
Please pray specifically for:
* Continued strength
* For the rest of us to be healthy
* Rest and peace… patience
* Wisdom - I'm finding that I have to make decisions I never dreamed I would be faced with making.
* Provision
If you would like to help us financially in this journey - or even just send a quick prayer and encouragement, check out our story here: https://www.givesendgo.com/TheHunts
❤
September 9th, 2023
I'll update more later...
But - again, thank you for praying us through the last few days.
James is on his third anti-nausea med... (He is now on 16 different medications!). He started it this morning and so far so good! While he was down a pound this morning, he has eaten more today (still hardly anything... but improvement!).
We are hoping and praying that after today things might turn around. Spent a few hours at the doctor's office waiting for lab work to try to find the root cause... I imagine we will have results Monday.
Things to pray for right now:
- good sleep: Going on 3 or 4 (I lost count) nights with lots of wakings and restlessness.
- not more vomiting or dehydration
- peace over James' mind
- encouragement
- provision
He still has a long road ahead but if we can get ahead of this weight loss, he will be in much better shape to get his heart stronger.
September 7th, 2023
Have you heard or read the story about the four men who literally tore the roof off of a house to get their paralytic friend to Jesus? Look at what happened:
“And many were gathered together, so that there was no longer room, even near the door; and He (Jesus) was speaking the word to them.
And they came, bringing to Him a paralytic, carried by four men.
And being unable to get to Him because of the crowd, they removed the roof above Him; and when they had dug an opening, they let down the pallet on which the paralytic was lying.
And Jesus seeing their faith said to the paralytic, “My son, your sins are forgiven.”
Mark 2:2-5
I’m going to be brutally honest here.
I wrestle with this passage… a lot.
Do I believe Jesus has the power to forgive sins? Absolutely.
Do I believe Jesus has the power to heal physical ailments? Yes!
But I have read this passage a hundred times… and what got my attention a few years ago was that this paralytic came to Jesus because he wanted to be physically healed. His friends went through some trouble to bring him to Jesus - THEY wanted him to be physically healed… and if I was in the shoes of this paralytic I would very likely be disappointed by what Jesus says here, “My son, your sins are forgiven.”
“My sin, Jesus?”
“What about my body? I know you can heal me… why don’t you? That’s why I came. That’s why my friends brought me.”
“That’s what we have been praying for and here we are.”
I wrestle with this because I realize just how clueless I am.
I don’t have a clue that it is the better thing for my sins to be forgiven than my body to be healed.
But it IS the better thing… and I want the better thing.
We know the end of this story.
Jesus does end up healing the physical body of this man.
But He didn’t have to. He would be no lesser God if He hadn’t. And, in fact, there are many times in the Bible where He chooses not to heal physically because His mission was to save spiritual (Mark 1:36-39).
This story has been in the back of my mind as we have walked this journey with James’ heart. It has been confirmed by many that there is no reason James should have survived in the Cath-lab a month ago. And as miraculous as it is that he did… the greater miracle is that while we are sinners, we are forgiven by the Most High God who loves.
As I’ve been pondering this story over the last few weeks, another detail has resonated with me.
Other people had to bring this man to Jesus.
Friends.
He couldn’t go on his own… there was no way. And even if somehow he could get to the house — he would never have been able to get on the roof and lowered to the feet of Jesus without others stepping in for him.
I have a new appreciation for the sacrifice these friends made… and my guess is, it didn’t feel like sacrifice at all to them. I have a new gratitude for the beauty of others helping, serving, stepping into my life to bring me to the feet of Jesus when I can’t get there on my own. And I have the deepest gratitude for the way so many selflessly step in to bring my husband and children to this place too.
A dear friend reached out when James was in the hospital the first time in July, offering to set up a crowd-funding campaign to help us with the incredible costs we have incurred. At the time I said no. Apparently, the Lord needed to show me just a bit more how much we need the community we are created for.
We have been so humbled by the generosity of so many. Over and over again I have seen thing change after asking for you to join us or lift us in prayer. Prayer has become a life-line for us… I will do my best to continue to update, and please don’t stop lifting us up in this way. But many of you have asked how you can help us financially… this is a way to do that.
Thank you isn’t enough.
Know that we are praying for you, too… that the Lord would bless each of you with His goodness. Even in the messy, He is a good, good Father.
To Him be the glory. Always.
September 7th, 2023
Friends. The doctor said to take James to the ER again… please cover him with prayers. And our children. And me.
Update: Every time I reach out and ask for prayers I see the Lord move! This is why I am overwhelmed with gratitude that so many are carrying us in prayer. Thank you.
As we were in the driveway ready to go, we felt like we needed to wait and monitor him more at home before heading in.
Pray that he is able to stop vomiting and get hydrated. And wisdom. ❤️
September 7th, 2023
I’ll update later…
For now we appreciate prayers for James’ doc appointment at 9am CT in the morning (Tuesday). Neither of us are feeling great (some sleep tonight would be nice)… hoping for some better support and help with his weight loss and lack of nourishment.
❤️
September 7th, 2023
We pray for blessings
We pray for peace
Comfort for family, protection while we sleep
We pray for healing, for prosperity
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering
And all the while, You hear each spoken need
Yet love is way too much to give us lesser things
'Cause what if your blessings come through raindrops?
What if Your healing comes through tears?
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You're near?
And what if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise?
We pray for wisdom
Your voice to hear
And we cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt Your goodness, we doubt Your love
As if every promise from Your Word is not enough
And all the while, You hear each desperate plea
And long that we'd have faith to believe
And what if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise?
When friends betray us
And when darkness seems to win
We know that pain reminds this heart
That this is not, this is not our home
It's not our home
What if my greatest disappointments
Or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can't satisfy
And what if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are Your mercies in disguise?
- Blessing by Laura Story
So much over the last few years in particular have reminded me that this world isn’t home. This older song came on the radio the other day and that part towards the end always get me.
Asking why about circumstances?
“What if my greatest disappointments
Or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can't satisfy”
Only One can truly satisfy in the darkest places and that is Jesus. He is the Way, the Truth and the Life.
He is the Prince of Peace and offers peace that the world cannot fathom… and He loves and knows and heals. He is the One we willingly serve because He has saved us from ourselves. ❤️
Please continue to pray. A new friend reached out yesterday with some suggestions to help James turn a corner. Looking forward to trying this new strategy. He was able to eat a bit more yesterday afternoon and kept it down… was only down a couple ounces today - instead of a couple pounds. We’ll take it!
He is struggling today though so continued prayers are so, so appreciated.
He has 3 months (less than 2 1/2 now) to get his heart strength up… and this weight loss and lack of nutrition is taking a huge toll.
Thank you, again… for everything.
For the continued texts and messages, for praying, for sitting with us, for the meals and checking in. For running errands for us and sending surprise $. This is such a long road.
It’s a weird thing to feel blessed in the middle of crisis.
September 7th, 2023
James is having a hard night... praying for good restorative rest. Thank you!
September 7th, 2023
One of the songs sung in our wedding paints a beautiful picture of the Body of Christ. It might have been in your wedding too - it was a popular song at the time. https://youtu.be/kJM0hFvz_64?feature=shared
The way the Church has served our family in this terribly difficult season has had a profound impact on me. It has been humbling beyond words. Terrifying to be so authentic and raw in our time of need. Beautiful. I wish I had all the words to express my heart… but here is what I’ve seen…
The gifts in the Body are the people.
- Some are gifted to just come and sit with you.
- Others pray behind your back.
- A few walk you into the ICU to see your intubated husband for the first time… and pray healing over him.
- And there are those precious hands that provide meals so we just don’t have to think about one more basic need.
- There are those who send Scripture through texts throughout the day, reminding me that we are known and seen and deeply loved.
- Others see a need for provision they can fill.
- Some recognize a need before we even know it’s there so that it is met ahead of time.
- And others who stop what they are doing to pray over and with you.
These are the hands and feet of Jesus and they drive me to a deep gratitude for all He has done for us.
We have hit those days where we are just plain tired and done. To be honest, we were there a long time ago… but these last few have been exceptionally difficult. I’m not exactly sure why, except that the hard is getting old.
Why are you in despair, O my soul?
And why have you become disturbed within me?
Hope in God, for I shall again praise Him for the help of His presence.
[Psalm 42:5]
I know that the presence of the Lord is with me all the time. But tonight, the kids and I did everything we could to go to the worship night at church. I knew I needed to gather with others and worship the One who has saved us… but I didn’t know how badly I needed to go. If I didn’t know better, I would have thought the night was set aside just for me. I sobbed my way through most of the songs, considering the sacrifice of praise… choosing to dwell in the presence of my God, eyes on the One who is worthy of all of my praise… even in the hard… because that is where my help and hope comes from. His presence is my help.
“Hope in God, for I shall again praise Him for the help of His presence.”
James has been off the IV antibiotics for two days and is on capsules for the next 3 weeks. He is continuing to lose weight - we really need to see that turn around soon. Today was the first day he kept what little he is eating/drinking down in weeks… we are praying it shows as weight gain in the morning.
It’s moments like these where the enemy speaks (shouts?) lies like:
“No one wants to hear about this anymore.”
“People are tired of your needs.”
“All you are doing is complaining.”
Maybe you’ve heard them at times in your life as well. But I’m learning - and YOU are reminding me of this Truth - that we NEED each other. We are created for community… and while we probably would all prefer to be on the giving side than the receiving side, the Lord uses all of it. Nothing is wasted.
Again, I cannot express the depth of gratitude I have for how you have carried us through this season… and especially to the throne of the most high King. I don’t know how long this season will last - but thank you for journeying with us.
❤
Please continue to pray for:
* James to gain healthy weight
* Encouragement and strength
* James’ body to be strengthened and healed
* Peace
* Provision
* Community
September 7th, 2023
I’m reading through the Psalms right now… I found encouragement in this particular Psalm yesterday. ❤️ Maybe you will too.
How blessed is he who considers the helpless;
The Lord will deliver him in a day of trouble.
The Lord will protect him, and keep him alive,
And he shall be called blessed upon the earth;
And do not give him over to the desire of his enemies.
The Lord will sustain him upon his sickbed;
In his illness, Thou dost restore him to health.
Psalm 41:1-4
I will update soon…
We are so grateful for the continued prayers on our behalf. The reminders of Truth and words of encouragement have had a big impact in our attitudes and energy on this journey.
For now we are focused in on praying specifically for weight gain for James.
September 7th, 2023
In Thee, O Lord, I have taken refuge;
Let me never be ashamed...
Be Thou to me a rock of strength,
A stronghold to save me.
For Thou art my rock and my fortress;
For Thy name's sake Thou wilt lead me and guide me.
...Be gracious to me, O Lord, for I am in distress;
My eye is wasted away from grief, my soul and my body also.
But as for me, I trust in Thee, Or Lord,
I say, "Thou art my God."
...As for me, I said in my alarm,
"I am cut off from before Thine eyes";
Nevertheless Thou didst hear the voice of my supplications
When I cried to Thee.
O love the Lord, all you His godly ones!
The Lord preserves the faithful,
And fully recompenses the proud doer.
Be strong, and let your heart take courage,
All you who hope in the Lord.
[Another translation says:
Be brave. Be strong. Don't give up. Expect God to get here soon. ❤]
Psalm 31
One of the things I love about the Psalms is they show us how David wrestled. He would come fully to the Lord in his distress... and his encounter with His King always brought fresh, eternal perspective.
I want to be like that.
Coming into the presence of my Abba Father... messy, just as I am... knowing that because of my time spent with Him, I leave changed.
We've been home a week now, and - to be honest, I thought things would look a lot more like recovery than they do. Every day seems to bring a new something-or-other to learn or decide or consider. When we start down the road of discouragement, I am reminded how the Lord worked miracles not too long ago when James was in the cath lab. It's such a comfort to know it is the same God who walks with us now.
Things are still critical with James' heart health (and will be for a couple months). And while the bills are starting to come in... and the follow up doctor appointments are being scheduled a few times a week... I am beginning to see rhythm to this new reality.
To be honest, though, the most predictable rhythm seems to be my wrestle between what I feel and what I know is Truth. I have seen the incredible value of the Church body as so many of you have sent texts or messages sharing a verse or encouragement. Please keep it coming. The longer we are on this road, the easier it is to grow weary.
Please continue to pray... specifically for:
- James to gain weight. His weight loss is starting to be of concern.
- Rest and peace
- Wisdom as we look at next steps
- Provision
❤
To Him be the glory. Always.
September 7th, 2023
Eight or nine years ago, some dear friends gave us this sign.
"Have More Adventures!"
It was staring at me from the mantle earlier this week, and I contemplated returning it to them... that or burn it. 🤔🔥😬
I've wanted to give an update on this latest adventure our family has been on with James' heart... quite honestly, the words just haven't come. The heaviness of this journey has hit home in ways I'd prefer to keep to myself. I'll be the first to recognize that I desire to display strength. I want to be strong enough and be the one to help others in their time of need... not be vulnerable to share my own. I've even tried to pretend that our need isn't real. I suppose I'm a slow learner.
Here's the truth of the matter:
We are so very weak.
We have heard multiple times from others, "The Lord must think you are pretty strong for Him to allow this."
But we aren't strong.
If any strength is visible in this incredibly difficult journey... make no mistake, it is the strength of the Lord - and only Him.
"And He has said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness." Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, that the power of Christ may dwell in me. Therefore I am well content with weaknesses, with insults, with distresses, with persecutions, with difficulties. For Christ's sake; for when I am weak, then I am strong." 2 Corinthians 12:9-10
We decided a long time ago that we were either IN or not.
We either believe that we are saved by the power of the blood of Jesus Christ... or we don't.
His Word is either True... or it isn't.
Do we wrestle sometimes? Of course. There comes a time when fear has to face your God, and even in that wrestling, we are confident that our King is the One True God, and there is no other. We know He loves so intimately and works everything for our good and His glory. This is our Hope... and so we continue to live the adventure of following Jesus - wherever that leads.
We are overwhelmed with gratitude for the way the Church has come around us. Thank you for the texts, the reminders of Truth. Thank you for the meals, for mowing our lawn... for the encouragement and reminders that we don't journey alone. Thank you for thinking of our needs before we recognize them. This journey is long. Most of all, thank you, again, for carrying our family to the throne room of the One True God. ❤
While we are thankful James is no longer in the hospital, this has been a hard few days. We are all a bit edgy as we hope for no more "surprises" and trips to the ER. I am learning when to call the on-call nurse, and when to let things ride out. More than anything I am starting to understand the long road to recovery James is on. These next 3 months are critical to his long term care. The goal is to increase his heart strength and ejection from where it currently sits at about 20% (normal is ~60%). We are thankful for nurses who say it like it is - but I'm learning that I need a couple days to process what they say. It is just so much.
Please continue to pray for:
James' body to strengthen and for weight gain
That he can eat well and keep things down
For rest and peace
That I would use my time wisely
Encouragement
Provision
September 7th, 2023
My view from the other side of the couch…
Even the uneventful days wear us out right now… a full morning of home nurse visits and understanding meds feels like 12 hours!
Learning to take those 15-30 min naps when I can.
September 7th, 2023
Your prayers and reminders of where we find our confidence got us through the night. ❤️ Please keep pointing us to Truth.. it is our life line.
Working to organize meds and meds and more meds 😳 Every surface seems to be getting covered with medical equipment… reminders of our Lord’s grace.
I’ve come to realize that we aren’t out of the woods… and may not be for a very long time. Praying these next few days and weeks allow us to find our rhythm so we can give attention to some other things that need it.
Prayers for wisdom, health, rest and provision are greatly appreciated.
Thank you… we are so grateful for you. ❤️
“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9
September 7th, 2023
Back at the ER…
Update #2:
We are home. Please pray us through the night. ❤️ Fear and discouragement has a way of sneaking in. So many of you have shared Truth tonight and it is a lifeline. Thank you
Update:
His heart rate skyrocketed again.
They said if it lasted longer than 5 min to bring him to the ER.
Got here a little over hour ago - they gave him whatever they gave him last time (last week) and it resolved quickly. They are looking at next steps.
September 7th, 2023
When Liam was young and we would watch movies together, I noticed that he would start backing out of the room if things got a bit too intense… or looked like they were going downhill.
I always encouraged him to stay and watch through to the end. If he left in the middle, that would be the end in his mind and he would never see the resolution or redemption.
I was thinking about that on my way home last night…
I don’t like this chapter. I don’t want it. It’s **** and it is hard and scary and full of unknowns. But it is the middle of the story.
We have to journey through if we want to see the good the Lord works it into.
The beauty is that our God is an intimate King. He is there in the **** and the dark… doing His work.
This is a long road ahead.
I thought the marathon had started a couple weeks ago… but I think we are just getting to the starting line.
Thank you for sharing scripture to encourage, for providing meals, for the texts and messages, for the cards and generosity… for sitting with me and/or James… for loving on our kids… and thank you again for being an army on our behalf.
Please don’t stop.
We pray for blessing over each one of you as you have stepped out to serve and be there for us.
After 2 additional weeks in the hospital and multiple “miracles” (nurses words ❤️), James is getting ready to come home today.
As we transition to new care and a new rhythm for a while, please continue to pray:
- For complete healing and restoration
- For wisdom, clarity and energy
- For peace and rest
- For provision… not working for a month takes a toll
- For community… so thankful for the community coming around our kids during this time! ❤️
- For eyes to see the goodness of the Lord
September 7th, 2023
A little over a week ago, after finding James with 100% blockage in a main artery stent that he had inserted a week prior, the cardiologist sat across the room from me said, “He shouldn’t have survived this.”
But God heard the cries of an army coming to His throne on our behalf. ❤️
They are weaning James off antibiotics for the infection now and it looks like he goes home Monday. 🎉
We are praying for no more surprises. 🤣😬
Thank you isn’t enough.
We are utterly exhausted… I’ll update more later.
September 7th, 2023
Not gonna’ lie…
We are tired. And as tired as I am, I know James is so much more. I came home early today and slept through the not so big-scary storm. ❤️
But James hasn’t been sleeping well. Please continue to pray for healing… in some ways today was better than yesterday and we are so thankful.
If you are up and see this tonight - I wanted to ask for an army to pray him through the night. That his body and mind would find deep rest and wake refreshed.
Join me?
❤️
Yet those who wait for the Lord Will gain new strength; They will mount up with wings like eagles, They will run and not get tired, They will walk and not become weary.
Isaiah 40:31
I will both lie down and sleep in peace; for you alone, O Lord, make me lie down in safety.
Ps 4:8
September 7th, 2023
While I was running some errands on the way to the hospital, this song came on. I don’t remember hearing it before…
https://youtu.be/vRUU6uY9n8E
God Jehovah, Jehovah Rapha
You're our healer
You and You Alone
We will trust You, Jehovah Rapha
You're our healer
You and You alone
In the middle of doubt
In the thick of sorrow
You say look up
To where our help comes from
If everything around us
Says there is no hope
We're never gonna let go
Of the hem of Your robe
God Jehovah, Jehovah Rapha
You're our healer
You and You Alone
We will trust You, Jehovah Rapha
You're our healer
You and You alone
We're standing on the promise
The foundation of Your Word
Everyone is healed
Who comes before You, Lord
We're leaning on your power
You'll do what can't be done
Either now or forever
We know it's gonna come
God Jehovah, Jehovah Rapha
You're our healer
You and You Alone
We will trust You, Jehovah Rapha
You're our healer
You and You alone
All depression, every worry
Every sickness Lord, You heal
All addiction, every family
Every heartbreak Lord, You heal
You're gonna do it You're gonna do it
Jehovah Rapha, we know You will
You're gonna do it You're gonna do it
Jehovah Rapha, we know You will
God Jehovah, Jehovah Rapha
You're our healer
You and You Alone
We will trust You, Jehovah Rapha
You're our healer
You and You alone
Source: Musixmatch
Songwriters: Stephen Mcwhirter
Rapha lyrics © God Is Real Global Publishing
Exodus 15:26
Today we are praying for relief from James’ cough and rest.
Continue to pray for complete healing.
Thank you! ❤️
September 7th, 2023
While James is sleeping I came up with our next book idea 😬
Kidding.
September 7th, 2023
Good time to pray. Heart rate spiked.
Update:
Crazy 3 hours.
Cardiologist scared his heart back to normal rhythm. 😬
He was in tachycardia at 180bpm - but then went in to afib… so they were going to shock him.
But don’t have to now.
Unbelievable.
Grateful.
September 7th, 2023
I guess we are back in the woods… Thankful that after a hard couple of days, James is finally resting well.
He is being treated for preliminary septic shock and pneumonia while they continue to try to find the root cause of an infection.
This is a wilderness. It isn’t really where I want to be… but in the middle of it, this verse kept coming to mind - so I looked it up to make sure I was remembering it correctly.
Hosea 2:14
“Therefore, behold I will allure her. Bring her into the wilderness, and speak kindly to her.”
Today we experienced the kindness of our King.
All day, friends have stopped in to pray over James. Five friends plus the chaplain…
We know so many are praying - all over the world - and we are so grateful! But what a gift of kindness that the Lord would send us these tangible reminders of the army fighting for and with us.
❤️
September 7th, 2023
A fever and a few other things decided to show up yesterday - it looks like there is infection somewhere. They are trying to determine where…
Once again, I’m asking for continued prayers… for relief, healing and answers.
When I ran out to pick up a couple things at the store for James, the song “Gratitude” came on.
There is one part in the song that gets kind of intense.
So come on, my soul
Oh, don't you get shy on me
Lift up your song
'Cause you've got a lion inside of those lungs
Get up and praise the Lord
If you know the song, you’ve likely caught on to it… I always thought of it as an encouragement to be bold and not shy away with our praise.
Today I heard it differently.
Gratitude is a choice. Sometimes we have to fight to choose gratitude. It tends to go against my “flesh” or what I’m feeling…
Today I heard it as a declaration of my will to praise the One True King. I didn’t feel like it, I was kind of done… but I know where the praise belongs - no matter my circumstance.
By the end of the song, I was belting it out… praising the one who is God, the One who saves and who loves so deeply… even if I struggled to feel like it.
September 7th, 2023
It’s been a day…
I’ll update later — but overwhelm sneaks it’s way in sometimes. Or it comes kicking the door down.
Please pray for morale and that sweet peace… and good rest for James tonight.
Again, you are an army and we are so grateful that so many are interceding on our behalf… ❤️
September 7th, 2023
While traveling the country in the RV, we quickly realized inviting people over for dinner was difficult. We were already rotating seating just for the five of us.. it wasn't going to happen with more people! This impacted us so much that we started inviting people over for dinner as soon as we moved into a house. We were so hungry for the depth of relationship that happens around a meal.
That has always fascinated me. Most ways we care for our bodies are more private - and yet, eating together is something we share with others. There is an intimacy - a relationship changes and deepens while breaking bread together. Even Jesus tells his followers to use a meal to remember him and what he has done for us.
Did you know that our King also invites us to a table in the middle of battle?
It's in the 23rd Psalm - I'm sure you know it:
The Lord is my Shepherd
I will not be in need.
He lets me lie down in green pastures;
He leads me beside quiet waters.
He restores my soul;
He guides me in the paths of righteousness
For the sake of His name.
Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I fear no evil, for You are with me;
You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies;
You have anointed my head with oil;
My cup overflows.
Certainly goodness and faithfulness will follow me all the days of my life,
And my dwelling will be in the house of the Lord forever.
Did you catch it? It is found in verse 5:
You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies.
The entire Psalm is an incredible picture of our King... our Shepherd... caring for us so intimately, even in the face of our enemies.
Can you imagine?
You are in the middle of a fight with your enemies - and the Lord is setting up a table to FEAST right smack in the middle of it. Then invites you to come and dine with Him...
**As if the fight is nothing to worry about.**
As if it isn't a fight we need to fight... rather, we can rest in His presence because He is smack there in the middle of it with us.
This is where the Lord has been with me these last couple of weeks. Sitting at the table He has prepared while all the crazy goes on around. You praying has played such a beautiful part in this story. Your prayers are sustaining - because HE is sustaining. They are healing because the One you pray to is the Great Physician. Our gratitude doesn't seem like enough, but it is overflowing.
Please continue to pray for:
Rest/peace
Strength for James and increased appetite
Provision
Community
Thank you.
Years ago, we enjoyed a small concert with Matt Maher. He shared a song he wrote from Psalm 23, and this same line gets me every time. This isn't one of his more popular songs, but it is one of my favorites.
Are you fighting a battle?
Are you battle-weary?
Our Savior has prepared a table for you... go and dine with Him. Be refreshed and nourished... and find rest. I promise it's there, even in the scariest of times.
"Rest"
https://youtu.be/uMurT34YWwE?feature=shared
September 7th, 2023
I’m thinking somewhere soon down the line we need to sit on a beach… or get on a boat somewhere close by.
Missing the therapeutic ocean.
I’ll update more later… not much change today - other than me realizing the long road of recovery ahead… and the patience we will need for it 🥴.
Please pray for James to gain strength and be able to eat more soon.
❤️
September 7th, 2023
James’ nurse has a shirt on that says, “You are enough”… I keep thinking if that was true, we wouldn’t be here.
Then I look out the window of his room… and there are 3 tall crosses. I pass them every time I drive to and from the hospital.
HE is enough.
I promise.
He sustains and is so faithful…
James is sleeping most of today. Weak and tired.
Please pray he gets comfortable and gets some good rest. ❤️
September 7th, 2023
More later… but it looks like we are out of the woods for now.
So much to praise our Lord for…
James is out of the ICU. He is tired and weak… continued prayers are so appreciated. ❤️
September 7th, 2023
He is off vent!! Everything is out! 🎉
September 7th, 2023
Update: 2pm - He is out! Went well… vent should come out in a couple hours.
Good time to pray. Taking James to cath lab to remove heart pump and likely see with a few other things.
September 7th, 2023
Update: 8am CT - Update: they hope to get the heart pump removed at noon today…
You are an army. I have nothing but gratitude for how the Church has come around and prayed on our behalf. Thank you.
James is stable.
The cardiologist said that he doesn't know how he survived this. I'm still trying to piece together exactly what happened. He had 100% blockage in the main artery to his heart. I believe in one of the stents inserted last week.
He is sedated in ICU... still very critical... and we still are relying on prayers. Our God is still King and we trust Him to work all things for our good.
How you can pray:
His heart needs to strengthen.
Limited damage to his heart. It took hours for him to get in with the cardiologist.
Peace/Rest
Wisdom and understanding
Provision
Community
When leaving the hospital tonight, this song played. I love how the Lord uses music to remind me of great Truths.
https://youtu.be/e13_fqkVQDU
"His mercies are new every morning"... this line comes from one of my favorite parts of the Bible - Lamentation 3. I am counting on this Truth right now...
"Remember my affliction and my wandering, the wormwood and bitterness. Surely my soul remembers and is bowed down within me.
***[BUT] This I recall to my mind, Therefore I have hope. ***
The Lord's lovingkindnesses indeed never cease, For His compassions never fail.
They are new every morning; Great is Thy faithfulness.
The Lord is my portion." says my soul, "Therefore I have hope in Him." The Lord is good to those who wait for Him, to the person who seeks Him.
It is good that he waits silently for the salvation of the Lord.
It is good for a man that he should bear the yoke in his youth.
Let him sit alone and be silent since He has laid it on him. Let him put his mouth in the dust,
Perhaps there is hope.
Let him give his cheek to the smiter; Let him be filled with reproach. For the Lord will not reject forever,
For if He causes grief,
Then He will have compassion according to His abundant lovingkindness. For He does not afflict willingly Or grieve the sons of men..."
Lamentations 3:19-33
September 7th, 2023
This would be a good time to pray for the doctor’s hands. 🙏
Update:
Just talked with the doc.
James is stable. They are watching him overnight. He is sedated…
Doc says he is amazed he has survived this.
He is still very critical. Please continue to pray.
September 7th, 2023
Pray.
Edited 4:18pm CT - they just took him back for a heart cath to see what could be going on. I don’t expect to hear anything for an hour.
Edited to add… paramedics took James to the ER. He is in a lot of pain. They are still trying to see what is going on but will likely admit him again. I think they have ruled out a heart attack… but could be related to the recent stents he had put in.
We are relying on the prayers of the body of Christ… he is able to do so much more than we ask or think. Thank you for journeying with us and praying for James. ❤️
September 7th, 2023
"But the Lord is my stay."
I was reading in Psalms today and this line in Ps 18:18 caught my attention. David is thanking the Lord for deliverance from his enemies... who were too much for him. I guess I felt like I could relate because there have been many moments in the last couple of weeks that were too much for me.
"He sent from high, He took me;
He drew me out of many waters.
He delivered me from my strong enemy,
And from those who hated me, for they were too mighty for me.
They confronted me in the day of my calamity,
BUT THE LORD WAS MY STAY.
He brought me forth also into a broad place;
He rescued me, because He delighted in me."
Psalm 18:16-19
In the high water... where I think I might drown...
In the overwhelm...
In the moments of waiting and uncertainty of the future...
In the silent cries or grief and sadness...
No matter what happens in this world...
The Lord is my stay.
He is my strength in my great weakness.
He is the One who saves me from myself.
He is a strong foundation... and a refuge in trouble.
The Lord is my stay.
He takes my broken and turns it into something useful...
He turns the most difficult journeys into the sweetest times of experiencing Him in the hard places.
The Lord is my stay. He is constant and faithful. An ever present help. There is no other like Him!
❤
We've been home a few days now... the first couple I was running around like a chicken with it's head cut off trying to find all the things James' needed. I found myself overwhelmed by it all... but we have some things figured out now and this week we are focusing on getting doctor appointments scheduled and next steps.
More than anything we are focusing on strengthening his heart. They tend to see the most improvement after a heart attack in the 90 days that follow... After 90 days, if his heart isn't strengthened, he will have an internal defibrillator inserted. Needless to say, we would like to avoid that.
Please continue to pray with and for us over these 90 days. Pray for:
wisdom
rest
James' heart to be strengthened beyond expectation
provision
community
We are so grateful for each of you. Your prayers are truly a lifeline for us. ❤
September 7th, 2023
Sometimes when we are in the middle of an adventure, we don't have words. There are too many thoughts and feelings and lessons that our hearts ponder to be able to put them into words. And, maybe there is some fatigue or exhaustion as well.
That's where I am today.
We celebrate as James got to come home after spending 8 days in the hospital. We have known the seriousness of his symptoms and diagnosis - but it hit harder today as he was being fit for his "life vest". He will have to wear it all the time for the next 90 days to help avoid SCD (Sudden Cardiac Death - I had to look it up 😭).
It's marathon time. And while I've shared that I'm clearly not a runner - this is a different kind of race.
It's the kind of race that Daniel had to run... when he refused to bow to anyone but the One True God and was thrown into the lion's den because of it. That race started long before that day... Daniel had been training for it his entire life. The Lord had him right where he wanted him. He had spent years praying to the One True God - it was an easy choice when it became a life or death situation to continue to do what was right.
Or even David - when he faced Goliath. He knew the One True God would save His people and didn't hesitate to remind Israel's army when he saw them cowering at the site of her enemy.
That's how I want to be.
I want to be well trained so that when the fire gets hot, I hold fast to the Truth that HE is God... and I am not.
I want to be so confident in who I am in Christ, that when I face something as big as what Goliath must have seemed to the Israelites, that I don't cower - but instead I step up to battle, trusting my King for the outcome.
I want to trust in my God so deeply that when my husband is close to losing his life, I find rest in the Truth that my King is a refuge and strength like no other... a very ready and real help in trouble. To discover unbelievable peace in knowing that He is the One True God and there is no other... and that no matter what happens, He works all things together for my good and His glory.
When we started our adventure on the road back in 2021, the song Psalm 46 by Shane and Shane became our fight song.
https://youtu.be/2emelR7lGmw
Want to know how to stand firm when life gets tougher than you? Armor up. Eyes on your King… and remember who you are and who He is. It changes everything.
It has been a lifeline in this last week’s journey to have friends remind me of these Truths. To be encouraged to speak LIFE over my husband… over my kids… over myself.
Thank you for loving us well. For checking in. For understanding my overwhelmed heart. Thank you for meal planning for us when it was the last thing I could handle… Thank you for being the hands and feet of our King. We are blessed to journey with you all…
Will you continue with us?
This is how we are praying:
- James’ heart to strengthen (from 20-30% ejection) in the next 90 days
- diabetes to stabilize more and even reverse
- provision
- for eyes to see the work of our Lord
❤️
Psalm 46
God is our refuge and strength, A very ready help in trouble. 2 Therefore we will not fear, though the earth shakes and the mountains slip into the heart of the sea; 3 Though its waters roar and foam, Though the mountains quake at its swelling pride.
Selah
4 There is a river whose streams make the city of God happy, The holy dwelling places of the Most High. 5 God is in the midst of her, she will not be moved; God will help her when morning dawns. 6 The nations made an uproar, the kingdoms tottered; He raised His voice, the earth quaked. 7 The Lord of armies is with us; The God of Jacob is our stronghold.
Selah
8 Come, behold the works of the Lord, Who has inflicted horrific events on the earth. 9 He makes wars to cease to the end of the earth; He breaks the bow and cuts the spear in two; He burns the chariots with fire. 10 “Stop striving and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted on the earth.” 11 The Lord of armies is with us; The God of Jacob is our stronghold.
Selah
September 7th, 2023
“I’m tired. I think I’ll go for a run.” - said Jenni, never.
I keep thinking about this marathon in front of us… and how I have never been a fan of running. I’ve always wanted to be a runner, but - I have never really gotten to a point where I found it enjoyable. at. all.
There was a time I tried the "Couch to 5k" program. It was simple enough… Each running day I’d listen to instructions. Day one was something like, “Walk for 1 minute,” after a minute, it would say, “Now run for 10 seconds.” And then. it would repeat for 20 minutes. It sounds easy enough… but I thought I was going to die. Seriously.
Gradually, as you worked through the program, the running portion would increase, and the walking portion would decrease… until you eventually ran the entire time.
I never made it that far.
I didn’t have the endurance for it.
There are a lot of references to running in Scripture. Here are a few:
"... And let us run with perseverance the race set before us, fixing our eyes on Jesus..."
Hebrews 12:1-3
"I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race..."
2 Timothy 4:7
"I press on toward the goal to win the prize..."
Philippians 3:14
Most of them encouraging the believer to keep going… to finish strong… like the onlookers for a marathon cheering on the runners from the side of the running path.
I am most encouraged by what Isaiah 40 has to say about running though:
“Do you not know?
Have you not heard?
The everlasting God, the Lord, the Creator of the ends of the earth does not become weary or tired.
His understanding is unsearchable.
He gives strength to the weary,
And to the one who lacks might He increases power.
Though youths grow weary and tired,
And vigorous young men stumble badly,
Yet those who wait for the Lord will gain new strength;
They will mount up with wings like eagles,
THEY WILL RUN AND NOT GET TIRED,
They will walk and not become weary.”
THAT is the kind of runner I want to be in this marathon in front of us.
But I’m not going to lie… Already tired and struggling with low energy going into this, I find it daunting and like my feet will fail.
Did you catch how we can run and not get tired, though?
Those who WAIT for the Lord.
That’s the secret!
I don’t have to practice a run/walk… or have my own running plan. Waiting on the Lord IS the plan!
We know what that means… intentionally bind myself to my King - moment by moment (because we all know it is not a one -and-done kind of deal), and we can run what the Lord has put in front of us and not get tired.
After FIVE stents, a Type 2 Diabetes diagnosis, and almost a week in the hospital, James comes home today. Today we have what we need. A good friend reminded me today that that is provision. ❤
You have been an army of prayer warriors on our behalf… it is one of the greatest gifts given. Thank you.
So many have asked us how they can help… and in the last week's whirlwind, I couldn’t think through a response other than, “PRAY!” It has been our lifeline.
Want to know how to pray for us moving forward?
This. Pray we can run and not get tired. That we would be so intertwined with our God that we will not grow weary running the race before us.
September 7th, 2023
He is out and everything went extremely well… more later.
Thank you for praying! We are thankful.
September 7th, 2023
Don’t tell me the Lord only gives us what we can handle.
The Truth is that He does this all the time. He gives us exactly what we CAN’T handle so that we lean into Him and His glory is revealed. (2 Corinthians 12:9)
Do you know the story of Moses - and when he asked to see God’s glory? (Exodus 33:17-23)
In Exodus it says that Moses wouldn’t be able to handle seeing all His glory… “You cannot see My face, for mankind shall not see Me and live!” (Exodus 33:20) so He put Moses in a dark place. A hidden place. A crevice in the rock, covered him with His hand and after He walked by, He removed His hand so Moses could see His back. (Exodus 33:22-23)
My life is a testament to the Lord revealing His glory in the dark places. He does some of His most beautiful work there… because we get an opportunity we couldn’t otherwise have. We get an opportunity to experience the depth of the love of our God.
Tomorrow (Tuesday) will be a week since this adventure with James' heart started that led him to the ER. It would be an understatement to say that this has been an uncomfortable week. It’s been hard in so many ways. We have been surrounded by things that are too much for us to handle… But God.
“Be brave.
Be strong.
Don’t give up.
Expect God to get here soon.”
Psalm 31:24 MSG
Today we waited for the results of the MRI so that we could find out if a stent would help James… or if bypass was a better option for him. We discovered things were a bit worse than we understood… seems like we keep peeling back layers to what is going on. He is facing moderate and severe blockage in 3 vessels to his heart with only 20% ejection.
Early in the afternoon, we saw a cardiac surgeon who said James was not a candidate for the bypass surgery. We thought this was our back up plan 😬. Finally our cardiologist showed up after looking over the MRI and is confident a stent will do the job.
The procedure is pretty non-evasive and should happen around 8am today, Tuesday. It should take 1 to 1 1/2 hours and if all goes as planned, James goes home Wednesday.
Thank you again for your prayers. Prayer warriors, please pray for:
-- Blockage is soft and easy to clear with the stent
-- Zero complications
-- Renewed energy and rest
-- Community
-- Provision
This has all been more than I can handle. It’s been more than James or the kids could handle… and that is right where the Lord wanted us because in this weakness, His power and glory are revealed. Praise the Lord for His goodness!
Now to Him who is able to do FAR MORE ABUNDANTLY BEYOND all that we ask or think, according to the power that works within us, to Him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus to all generations forever and ever. Amen.
Ephesians 3:20-21
September 7th, 2023
When waiting is a gift…
I’ve been thinking about these last two days of waiting. We have some answers, but not all the answers we need for the next steps. So we wait.
“I would have despaired
unless I had believed that
I would see the goodness of the Lord
in the land of the living.
WAIT on the Lord.
Let your heart take courage. Yes, WAIT on the Lord.”
(Psalm 37:13-14)
We don’t just wait, though.
We wait on the Lord.
Here’s the deal…
I can choose what I wait on.
I can wait on questions, worry, doubt, fear… lies.
Or, I can wait on the Lord.
The funny thing is I can’t wait on both.
The word “wait” in Hebrew (gavah - H6960) means “to bind together.” In other words, I can’t serve two masters… I can only be bound to one.
I choose to bind together with my Lord. It is life-giving even when it looks like we are surrounded by despair. When we bind with the Lord, we get to trade despair for the goodness of the Lord.
We don’t know what this day brings with the MRI, but the waiting has been a gift to sit closely with our God, to be reminded of the Truth that has carried us through before, to pray with others, and be prayed over. I’d like to think that this waiting on the Lord has prepared us for what is to come… it provides the way to let our hearts take courage.
James has his MRI at 6 am CT today- Monday. It will reveal the next steps. We are praying that it comes back clear, showing zero blockage. But even if it doesn’t, we put our full trust in the Lord who saves. Even when I don’t understand, He is always God, and He is always good.
The body of Christ is an army… thank you for fighting with us.
What to pray for:
Complete healing
Least invasive solution
Peace/rest
Wisdom
Community
Provision
September 7th, 2023
Will update more later… James’ MRI is at 6am CT tomorrow (Monday). This will give us answers to know next steps.
We are praying for a clear MRI showing zero blockage that other testing has shown.
September 7th, 2023
I keep asking this question in my head… how do you tell your kids that their dad might need open heart surgery? That he is basically a ticking time bomb… and his heart is very weak and working at just 20%?
What do you say?
I went home last night to update the kids about James… I think they knew as soon as they opened the door. I had prayed the entire way home… one of Caeden’s favorite songs about God’s goodness running after me played on the radio… but nothing prepares you for this. Please pray for them. ❤️
Thankful for God’s grace in the middle of it all… and His goodness. His goodness doesn’t always look like I think it will. His goodness is so much deeper. Often I don’t recognize it until I’m on the other side of it… but our God is always good.
Aslan is a lion- the Lion, the great Lion." "Ooh" said Susan. "I'd thought he was a man. Is he-quite safe? I shall feel rather nervous about meeting a lion"..."Safe?" said Mr ****** ..."Who said anything about safe? 'Course he isn't safe. But he's good. He's the King, I tell you.
- C.S. Lewis
“And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.” Romans 8:28
September 7th, 2023
I remember when a friend of mine’s son was in the hospital, she said she could see the life flight helecopter pad from the hospital room… and every time it went out or came him, she was compelled to pray for whoever it was for. ❤️
That has stuck with me. Because if I’m honest, prayer isn’t always the first place I go. I often find myself in constant conversation with my King in my thoughts… but I don’t always see the things around me as an opportunity to intentionally pray. But over the years, I’ve asked the Lord for eyes to see. Eyes to see where I can stand in the gap, walk someone else to the throne room of the God most High… and not just say, “I’m praying for you…” but, in that moment to pray. With them if I can.
Today while we sat in the ER, there was a man in the room across the hall who obviously was struggling immensely to talk. With the doors open, we could hear most everything… “Norman. You’ve had a ******.” “You’ll be okay Norman.” “Calm down. Don’t do that, Norman.. stop. It’s not time to leave.”
As followers of Jesus, we have an opportunity - wherever we find ourselves… and whether we choose the circumstances we are in or not, to get our eyes off ourselves and what seems like our troubles, and intercede for others. As I followed the ambulance to the hospital, I couldn’t help but pray for Norman… will you pray for him with me? For a full recovery… for peace… for him to know the One who heals and saves?
September 7th, 2023
Something about driving behind the ambulance that is taking your husband to the hospital… and this song plays:
https://youtu.be/8Wb_WD1emFQ
And through it all, through it all
My eyes are on You
And through it all, through it all
It is well
And through it all, through it all
My eyes are on You
And it is well, with me
Prayers are appreciated. Super rapid heart rate got us here… that is under control, but there is concern there is a deeper problem. ❤️
To the One who works all things for my good and His glory. We trust Him. ❤️
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