I need help - BIG help.

SITUATION

As most know, I have been struggling for many years with a variety of issues. It has led me to a place that sometimes feels like an inescapable hell. Trapped in a cycle of survival rather than resolving the issues necessary to move forward. I recently had what I would call a depressive breakdown after an unusually long period of progress forward. The setback is incredibly disappointing. I am feeling quite a bit hopeless but I understand that I need to continue moving forward in a BETTER direction. This is where you come in... hopefully.

Don't misunderstand - many people have helped me - and I am very grateful. I would be in a much darker place without the help I have received. There are many times I have neglected to ask for help though, out of shame, pride, stubbornness, not wanting to be a burden on others, or not know how to ask. I think I have hurt myself and possibly those I love in doing this. So I am asking now.

HELP NEEDED

Understanding/Tolerance: The biggest thing I am asking for is understanding. The past many years have been difficult for every single one of us. I have said things I regret and hopefully in most cases apologized when appropriate. I also have felt misunderstood, misjudged, mistreated, and hurt at times, real or imagined. Regardless of that, I have a sincere desire to make amends with anyone if and when they desire it.

Financial Help: Here goes the homeless addict asking for money. I know that eventually I could get out of this dark hole without asking for financial help. I have made a some progress so far. But without safety rails, when I stumble or life puts an insurmountable obstacle in the way, I often find myself back in the same place.

There have also been a couple people who have financially helped me out - just to get back to survival mode. I need to escape this cycle. I desperately do. Which means I need a plan and guardrails in place and then the means to follow through. I will outline this plan in the next section.

Accountability: Through my observable behavior as well as posts to this page, I will provide status updates of this plan and I will account for all money used.

THE PLAN

My current situation is that I am living in Veterans transitional housing. This is a step up from couch hopping or the RV, which themselves were a step up from living in my car. I got here for a variety of reasons. I don't even know anymore how long I have been technically homeless. I have a voucher for housing assistance that I cannot take advantage of until I am on financially stable footing.

I am unemployed, though I have been trying to drive and deliver for Instacart to pay basics such as gas, food, storage, interlock/DUI fees, insurance, money to spend time with the kids, basic needs such as soap, etc. It has been moderately successful but is not sustainable. Every time I have an unexpected expense I have no safety net and go back to square one.

I have an interlock device installed in my car due to the DUI I have been charged with and am dealing with in court. It has been nine months of dealing with this and it has been very expensive. My next court date is in February and hopefully it will be resolved then.

I am in Intensive Out-Patient treatment (IOP) for substance abuse. This takes up three days of the week for the most part. I am also working on resolving other significant mental and physical health issues through the VA. This is very time and energy consuming.

MENTAL HEALTH: This is a TOP priority right now. If I can not get my mind right, I cannot do any of the other things I need to do. This means focus on recovery and IOP, maintaining balance and routine, and managing stress. A huge stressor is the financial burden that I cannot meet because of IOP time consumption and the barriers my mental health issues are presenting. I am also considering a program that a counselor has recommended to me: https://www.woundedwarriorproject.org/programs/project-odyssey

How your help will help me: By lifting the stress temporarily of the monthly financial burdens I can focus on recovery. Once my third month of IOP is done, the time requirements become much less and it won't be as much of a barrier to working.

HOUSING: This is another big priority. As it sits, I have a voucher that will assist me in getting into a place of my own that I can have my kids. I cannot get stable let alone ahead enough financially to take advantage of this voucher. It expires at the end of February, so I need to get a place soon. Of course I would also very much like to live with my children half-time as I used to.

How your help will help me: Getting over the financial hurdle to move into a place will move me forward a great deal. Not only mental health-wise to a SIGNIFICANT degree, but will be better for my children, will save me money on not having to pay for storage. It will in general, make every other thing I need to do easier.

EMPLOYMENT: As I stated above, right now IOP is a difficult but not impossible barrier to employment. What I am doing right now with Instacart is NOT working. In fact, in many ways it is taking away from my other progress. I will be done with my third month of IOP sometime in February and have a time obligation of only one day. Third priority is to apply for jobs to start work the end of February. My court case will also (hopefully) be resolved at that point and barriers to employment should be non-existent.

How your help will help me: By not wasting a whole lot of time to make very little money, I can focus on the other priorities until full-time employment becomes a reasonable goal. Being gainfully employed at that time will obviously be a huge factor in success.

OTHER FACTORS: Court case, Bankruptcy, Continuing education, Physical health concerns.

SUMMARY: I know this was a whole lot. I am willing to provide more information to anyone who asks. I have been transparent for the most part on my situation other than how increasingly depressed and exhausted I am from treading water for years now.

So I am asking for help in the form of $5000 for all the reasons stated above. That would be $2000 for two months of regular expenses, $2000 for two months of subsidized rent and utilities, and $1000 as a buffer. This is a lot of money and while I think it is unrealistic to expect anyone to provide this kind of help, I DO NEED HELP if I ever want to escape this... and I so desperately do. So if you can, please help me. Thank you.

- Luke

This campaign is unpublished.

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