This part, doing this fundraiser, is one of the hardest challenges I have had to do because of my pride, that for some reason is so hard to put aside. Let me start by letting you know why this is. I, throughout my life from the age of 13, which is when Unfortunately I was left on my own to raise and fend for myself. No parents or any kind of guidance or mentor to teach me, to guide me with examples for me to do what it takes to become someone in life, starting from a child to a woman, having substance, knowledge, skills, ability, strength, determination, successfullness, compassion, love, common sense, teachable, capability, morals, courage, intelligence, passion, emotions, forgiveness, caring, good mother, and a heart of gold. I was forced to do that by myself for myself, so I thought. I had God on my side for sure. I was determined from day one of that journey that I would absolutely accomplish everything I set out to do to become that woman. I have never in my life not been able to do something I wanted or needed to do, either physically, mentally, finacially. I always was able to figure it and do whatever it was I set out to do without asking for help. Now I have been told by the Medical Doctors on December 26, 2021 that I have a prognosis of 6 months or less to live. I didnt even know that I was having complete heart failure and I only had 5% ejection fraction working in my heart at that time. They told me there was nothing medically they could do further to change that because of only having 5% of my heart working and therefore any interventions that could be done on a person with at least 35% of heart function could not be done on me because my heart would not survive any of the medical procedures. I could not have a heart replacement or even be put on a list to receive a heart. I would not survive through any surgery. They told me that they are placing me on Hospice Care for end of life comfortability. Now this was a 4 minute discussion on a subject I was not aware I had such a serious medical issue with. At that time I was facing Non Hodgkins Lymphoma Cancer and it had been a battle I already was in and still did not believe that even the Cancer was going to kill me anytime soon nevermind a failing heart that I wasnt aware had failed up to that conversation with the Doctor. So needless to say that was one hard pill to swallow. So let me cut this novel down to a short film. After this day everything he said was put in place but I did everything in my power like I always had to do whatever i needed or wanted to do. Reality hit and when I would do some of the simplest things like walking around the block I physically was stopped by my body to achieve that. My mind was saying move your feet and keep walking but no matter how much my mind was telling my body to do that, my body physically would not comply. Right then and there is where I emotionally broke and for the first time in my life I could not, no matter how much I told myself to do it, I could not get my body to comply because it is broken and no scientific Medical Doctor or myself can change that. So my mental status was now getting to me because i now could not do everything and anything I set out to do and I had never not been able to do whatever I needed to do. So my pride now is being torn apart. My spirit and my positiveness I kept on the forefront, always, no matter how hard I thought I had it was being effected because of now my inabilities to be able to do the things and actions I have always been able to do on my own. So these illness I have are the easy part to get through my psychy is the hardest part to navigate through and not completely check out. I am stubborn as well and the last thing I ever wanted or want to do is ask for help from friends, strangers or anybody. My Pride has stopped me this whole time. I now had to realize that My children will suffer because of my pride getting in the way to ask for help because I am unable to physically make things happen to lessen their burden they will endure when the end comes and what comes with the ending of your loved ones life, like a parent, a mother. I only want my children to have to deal with the grief they will encounter when I close my eyes for the last time. That is enough burden that they need to deal with that is going to be a battle for them for many days and months and years to come before they can feel normal again and not be sad they are suppose to be happy and not have to take on the emotions that come with this situation. If I dont give in and ask for help, to be sure that all that other stuff that comes with a parents death, the after finacial burdens of putting me to rest, all of the beuracacy that comes that has to be dealt with after a parents death mostly regarding money that the government comes and steps in if I leave obligations I may have had during life that are not satisfied yet because of my death, then now those become my childrens added obligations to tend to. I always said as long as I am on this earth I will be sure to do whatever is needed to help make my childrens lives, while I am here, the most easiest, the most stressless, the most of good times and the least of the bad and with the least amount of struggle in anything, because I was capable to do for them throughout their life thus far, the things that they could of had to endure if I wasnt there to soften those bad times. There is plenty of struggles and obstacles and bad things they will have to come across and go through and deal with on their own in this world in their future that I wont be around anymore to help ease that struggle so I wanted the least amount of struggles, heartache, etc to have them have to experience. If I was able to be there to not let them experience more of that bad stuff then the less that they got to ever experience. There is plenty to look forward to in their future. This world is falling apart in so many ways. Imagine what are children are going to experience, good and bad, in 5 years 10 years life is not getting easier its only going to get harder. That is something I dont want my children to have to experience more than they had to. So with all that said there are things finacially I need to take care of for myself and this last part of my journey on earth and for my kids to have the least amount of added burdens and struggles. So here I am, I had a huge fight with my pride and I apologetically had to knock him out of my soul for a bit so I could take some steps necessary for me to finally ask for help and accept the help and not beat myself up for having to be human. Myself and everyone cannot do life absolutely by yourself with no help from other humans through life. Everyone needs somebody. That is called human nature and life. Something that everyone should know is that doesnt mean your weak, I thought it made me weak appear weak and that is something I have never been and everyone who knows me would say if asked, "Whats one thing about Kim that everyone would say about her"? Their answer, "If anybody can do it, can do anything Kim can and will do it, she is Superwoman. So for me to show those people Any sign of weakness any sign that I cant no longer do some things that I am not Superwoman anymore I though was showing weakness and I have struggled with my pride to allow anyone to see weakness from me. I wanted to go out being Superwoman still. But I I am not and its okay to need and ask for help. In fact it shows strength that I am able to show that Superwoman has left the building and its just Kim left here and I cant do life completely by myself and I now need help to help my children face lesser heartaches and struggles after my death. This is me showing I am human and I need help. Now even though I only have 5% of a heart working I want you to all know the ones who dont know me personally that my heart worked overtime all these years and it caught up to me 51 years later because my heart was always available for everyone who may had needed it and needed my help for something and I have made many friends in many area codes and was so blessed in that way to have had that in my life. And even strangers and acquaintences got a part of my heart as well. So now my heart is full and needs to be emptied so I have to go up north to the maker to empty it for me. But you all still can talk to me whenever you want and remeber I will see you all someday at that meeting place of eternal happiness he promised us all we would have someday. I will just get to start experiencing that sooner than the ones that are still down here. Someday you will join, when its time and have eternal happiness as well...
Campaign Created by: Kimberly Messinger Earley
The funds from this campaign will be received by Kimberly Earley.
Goal: USD $30,000
Raised: USD $ 0
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