I hate doing this. I am so embarrassed. It sucks to be in this position. And it sucks even worse to be prideful and be in this position.  I thank God daily for the wonderful people in my life and I pray to never have to ask for your help like this ever again.

Here's the reader's digest condensed version of the last 2 years and why I'm doing this:

• Hired a home inspector who told me 'you got a good house girl!' - I trusted him and it was not a good house
  
• The house had serious structural, drainage, and electrical issues and a water loss that was not disclosed
  
• No legal recourse > spent all my free time and $ correcting issues over the last 1.5 years
• My IT Project Manager contract ended and I worked as a substitute teacher for part of 2024
  
• Thankful for the opportunity to fulfill a lifelong dream of being a teacher!!
• However, 7th and 8th graders are hormonal cretins and the pay was terrible (just like 'they' said it would be)
  
• I started driving for Uber/Lyft which is flexible so I can do things like repair my subfloor....for the 3rd time....so I could finally put my hot water heater back after 6 months of boiling water to bathe and do dishes
• Winter weather and college breaks really affected driving - people aren't going out and aren't tipping when they do
  
• I also started having some physical symptoms in December that have impacted my ability to drive
  
• The doc found a mass 'larger than a softball, smaller than a football' on ultrasound and tried to remove it from my lady guts on 2/7/25
• Unfortunately, the mass 'shifted' so they anesthetized, intubated, and catheterized me but weren't able to remove it
  
• Looks like I will need a whole hysterectomy - MRI will confirm exact mass location and surgical plan
  
• Biopsies from 2/7 came back today 2/11 and it's benign!! THANK GOD! Please pray this thing shrinks completely
  
• I believe in miracles :)
  
• While I was doing doc exams, referrals, labs, scheduling blah blah blah...my mom was also in the hospital in Idaho
• She went in for a diverticulitis flare/infection and was treated successfully for that, but was getting confused on where she was, why she was there, and her own name and birth date when the nurses came in to treat her
  
• Within 3 weeks of going to the hospital for stomach pain, she was diagnosed with leukemia of the brain, discharged to hospice at home, and passed on 2/3/25 (within a week of being home) - it went SO fast!
  
• Although we didn't have much of a relationship my first 45 years...the last 2 have been really good getting to know each other from a place of forgiveness, love and friendship
  
• It sucks because if it weren't for the last 2 good years, my heart wouldn't be so broken missing her now...but I'm SO grateful I got this time with her! I didn't make it in time to say goodbye in person, but I wrote her the letter I've always wanted to write and read it to her on FaceTime.  She opened her eyes for the first time in 3 days when I read it to her and I know she heard my voice and my heart.
• It was so healing to tell her all the things I loved about her and to cherish THOSE things and let go of all the rest.
• It's never to late to love someone and let go of old . At the end of the day, life will always be too short.
• Calling hours for my mom will be on 2/17
• My mom will be buried on 2/18 in the tiny mountain town in Montana where I grew up for a time.
• My brother CJ's ashes will be entombed with her when she's buried - I wasn't able to be at his funeral in 2018, so it's doubly important for me to be in Montana for her services next week to say goodbye to him also
  
• Driving my car from MO to MT is the best travel option so I can avoid dog boarding, renting a car, or cancelled/redirected flights from teeny tiny airports
  
• I've missed a LOT of work and am financially struggling right now
  
• I'll miss even more work traveling to bury my mom and brother - plus expenses
  
• I'm going to miss even more work having a more involved surgery pretty soon
  
• At this time, I cannot afford to go to her funeral...so I'm asking you for a loan

I've been SO gratefully humbled the last year of life kicking me around...it seems like this should be easier.  But alas, asking for help is a bitter pill to swallow no matter how sweet the humble pie has been.  As you can see from the timeline above, this is happening fast and I'll need to get on the road Friday to make it safely...and I've known I can't afford it...and I STILL procrastinated asking for help because it's embarrassing.  At this time, I've got no other choice.  BUT please know...this is help and not a handout!

It's my understanding that when I lend money, I will never see it again and I'm happy to do it because that's just how it goes.  Yet...I need you to understand that I am different haha... Ima need to pay you back ;)

 I have a plan:

• My friend is scheduled to finish plumbing the sink, drains,etc so I have an actual kitchen when I return from MT
  
• Still cooking and doing dishes in my spare bedroom for almost a year - ugh! Can't wait to get this done!
  
• All the kitchen stuff and stored home furnishings that have been in the spare bedroom can finally be put away!
  
• Clean up spare bedroom and rent it on Airbnb like I did in SD or just as a room-for-rent for extra $
  
• I'll be done with house stuff and have time (and the confidence) to get a really real job again
• Turns out cooking in a makeshift euro kitchen in your spare bedroom is super distracting and detrimental to your professional opinion of yourself when applying to middle management jobs
  
• I'll continue to drive for uber/lyft on the weekends after I have a really real job so I can catch up financially and pay everything back sooner than later - plus...I actually really like it. People are nice and I like learning my city
  
• In the case something happens to me (such is life right? you never know), my sweetheart of a friend and attorney assigned to my personal matters will distribute the equity in my house and proceeds from sale of car, art, etc to pay my debts

HEADS UP - THIS WILL TAKE A WHILE - Seriously. My realistic goal is by 2025, all things considered. I really really appreciate you reading ALL of this. I've learned a LOT in the last couple years...and grown...and been humbled...but I'm still long-winded.  Thank you for your time, friendship, LOVE, and help (not a handout).

Love, T