A tree in my backyard has died. This tree is tall enough that should it fall would possibly either land on my house or my son's camper. We have already dealt with a tree torpedoing his camper one time. I have talked with people about dropping this tree. Just dropping it nothing more. I'll cut it up as I believe my son's chain saw will work on most of this tree. Anyway, the best estimate I've gotten is $800. Ordinarily the cost is much more but still $800 is a lot of money with the fixed income I'm trying to get by on. So here I am...asking.

My dad is in the hospital. He fell yesterday and hit his head hard plus injured his knee.  We try so hard to watch out for him. We try to make sure he is safe, and he still fell. Asking for prayers on his behalf.

Yesterday was my mother's birthday. She-and we-celebrated her reaching a glorious age of 90. My dad should he make it, and not seeing any reason he shouldn't, will be 96 in July. Me? Lord willing, I will be 68 in August. While life hasn't always been easy, we have had a good life. We have fought the battles, struggled through the storms and watched amazing sun rises are the night. 

We took mom and dad out to eat yesterday to celebrate her birthday. It was a tiring experience as it was a Sunday and we were going at lunch time. We couldn't get into the first choice as there was no where at all to park. After close to ten laps around we decided on a second option. Larger parking area but no handicap available. So I parked as close as possible and we prepared to wait. Thankfully it wasn't too long. It also didn't take too long to get our meals once seated. After eating I took them home. They were both exhausted. Dad fell asleep on the bench on their front porch. They are still a bit tired this morning. Understandable at their age.

My brother paid for the meal. My niece and her family bought mom an indoor plant. Even though she told me not to, I need to find something for her. Somehow. Otherwise, things are good and we are blessed. It isn't easy to live to their age and still, even with the struggles, be doing as well as they are.

I really thought and hoped that this would help. That I could raise enough money to make life a little easier. I had no hopes for grand totals. No wishful thinking of amounts that would stagger the imagination. Just something that would make grocery buying and purchasing things for mom and dad easier. It did raise $410 dollars and for that I am thankful. Your gifts were a help.

Maybe, just maybe, the amount was God's way of telling me to depend on Him and not my own plans and strategies. His ways are not mine. I do trust in Him as we are not going hungry or homeless.

I will keep the account open, and dream a little. Because I do have a dead tree behind my house that needs to be cut down and that will be at least a thousand dollars. I have two other trees that are down but need to be cut up for firewood and I don't know what that is going to cost me. In the very least a new, larger chain saw and lessons on how to do it myself. If I raise more money, that's wonderful. If not, that's okay too. I know God will provide in His time not mine.

Taking care of my parents I sometimes get distracted and lose all sense of time. I realize that I have not updated with a proper thank you. The donations/gifts that you gave were a big help. Even as I realize that my requests may seem trivial to some, you saw it worthy of support. For that, I saw thank you, thank you, thank you.

Though the rewards are great. 

How was my yesterday? Thank you for asking. My mother called me around ten in the morning to let me know that my dad was sitting outside in his truck. He was leaving (again). I walked down to talk with him. He was sitting in the passenger side of the truck all buckled up, waiting.  My dad has not been allowed by any of us for almost two years now, but he still wants to drive. So all the keys are safely hidden away.  Though this time he was the passenger. I couldn't talk him out of the truck and it was neither too hot nor cold outside, so I left him there. I knew the home health care nurse was coming out in a couple hours so maybe if he hadn't gotten out by then, she could help get him out. Thankfully she called and due to a patient not being home, was able to come early. He was still in the truck, but together, we did finally manage to get him out and into the house.

My usual easy going, flirting, joking dad was stubborn, argumentative, and determined he was going to his other house. He did allow her to check his vitals and talk with him. After lots of discussion, between the nurse, myself and mom, we are leaning toward dehydration or UTI. I had some hydration packets at home so I went to get one of those for him while she talked with him. On the way I called my brother letting him know what was going on and he agreed that we needed to get him something like Gatorade as we had done at an earlier time.  The nurse's visit was slightly longer than usual, dad kept insisting that he had to go to the other house to pick up and bring to this place trucks he had bought. She finally got him to agree to wait on her to come back so she could bring help and go with him to drive them all back.

After she left, dad walked out and sat down on the front porch. My son called, asking if I was going anywhere that he was stuck at work and wondered if I could bring him a drink. I Used that as a time to get drinks for dad as well. By the time I got back he was inside, eating pie and drinking a soda. Not the best but at least something.

Mom called me again a little after six. Dad was back in the truck. By the time I got down there he was back inside the house arguing about the keys, demanding to know where they were. I again called my brother who told me to tell him that he accidentally picked them up when he was there last and would bring them back as soon as he could but it wouldn't be today. That calmed that but he was still leaving, he didn't need them anyway.

Back to the truck and back in the passenger seat. And there he sat waiting for the someone who was coming to pick him up. He wasn't at risk. He wasn't bothering or hurting anyone. Nothing I said would get him out of the truck. He was leaving. All I could do was wait him out. For a little over two hours I waited. I stood near the truck. I sat on the steps. I gave him the medicine he needed and the remainder of his first Power Ade since the store was out of Gatorade. As the time passed and the sun set, he was seeing the lights coming on around us. The solar lights at my house, the porch lights of the neighbors. The light on my niece's porch came on and off. He questioned that until I told him they had a camera that was motion activated. At one point he got out of the truck and walked to the front. No matter what I said, this person was still coming. I pondered out loud if they were lost, or if they thought it was too late and went home or even if they had gone to the casino without him. He only finally went inside when he grew cold and tired. I used the flashlight on my camera to help him across the carport and into the house. He went and sat down while mom prepared him something to eat. She called me a little later to let me know he did eat and take his medicine. He has one more of those drinks, but if he will drink them I'll go get more today. I have not spoken with mom yet this morning so I don't know how their night went. The nurse is also supposed to call some time today and discuss yesterday.

Yesterday was an exhausting day, mentally and somewhat physically. It was the worst day my dad has had in a while. Mom was fearful over him getting worse. If we are right though and its dehydration, if we can get him to drink enough he will be fine. Or as fine as one can be with dementia.

And that is why I can't get a job. They don't want anyone else in the house right now. Mom still thinks she can do most of it herself. She doesn't want anyone to see dad like this. The struggle is real. So this is my gift and blessing, to be able to care for my parents.

Thank you. To each and every one who has blessed me with your financial gift. It was and is deeply appreciated. Your gift helped me pay down a bill that I was struggling with and I want to thank you deeply for that.

Now and update on dad. Yesterday the physical therapist came out for her weekly visit. For the most part dad is doing well physically, we are working on helping him with balance and walking. But yesterday, the therapist got a first hand look at some of what we are dealing with mentally. He would bring things from out of left field that had the therapist looking at me questionably. All I could do was shake my head and shrug. We've heard most of it before,but she hadn't. If only he really did own all that he claims. All those super powers of his like flying and walking on water though are concerning. I would hate for him to be mid-flight and suddenly forget how to fly. The fact that he is so articulate makes so much of what he says believable.

Today he had mom call me so he could ask me if I had a minute to come talk with him. I knew it would be more than a minute but of course I had time. Besides that, if I or anyone else, is talking with him, it gives mom a break. She looked like she really needed one when I got down there. Turns out once again he wants to find out everything (nothing) that he owns because he is tired of dealing with it and wants to sell everything. Once everything (nothing) is sold, he won't ever have to work again. We've sold all this stuff before, but he just bought (no, he didn't really) more and now its time to get rid of all that. He's the best kind of hoarder, all his stuff is imaginary, except to him. But I promised to look into it and find him the perfect group to handle everything. There would be one to handle the on sight stuff, one to research all his holdings and one to bring everything together and take care of business. He was satisfied with that, so I am now researching realtors (I'm actually writing this) for him so we can get everything sold and his money from the sales safely deposited in the bank.  

If it wasn't so sad seeing him this way, it would be humorous. At least the lizard people weren't involved in this visit.

It is those unexpected, out of the ordinary things that hurt.

I wasn't expecting the $191 bill for one vaccination. I'm still hoping to get that brought down some once I get the paperwork to submit.  One thing that is frustrating me, is getting two and a half trees cut up. They have been down for months, but its something that isn't an emergency and family who could help are tied up with their responsibilities. My son's electric chainsaw first isn't big enough and even if it were, I don't have drop cords to reach that far. It is coming down to me having to pay someone to cut those trees up into chunks that can be split on a log splitter. My dad has one, I know how to use it and have helped split wood before. But these are still trees. Yet another reason I had hoped the fund raiser would help make things like this possible.

Palliative care was out today to visit with dad. Super nice individual. They stayed a little over half an hour. Dad's doing well and they said they would be back some time next month. I was back at the store again today for mom after going to the insurance office and paying her bill. When ever possible she prefers to pay the big bills in person as sending them through the mail makes her all paranoid. But with the way things are now a days, its understandable.

I shouldn't complain though, it really could be worse. I'm very thankful it isn't and I'm thankful for those who have helped us in any way.  The photo is of one of the trees, the other is a bit larger.

Life in general was a struggle sometimes, just trying to get by, working a low paying job. Losing my husband, then three years later my job. Covid ended a nearly thirty year career. It did give me something though, it gave me the ability to take care of my parents. I live next door to them so I am readily available. One phone call and within minutes I can be walking in the door. The past five years has been a roller coaster of emotions. Both of my parents have spent time in the hospital. Mom will soon be ninety, dad is ninety-five. The fact they are both still with us is a miracle and a gift. I am blessed to be able to be here for them. It is however, a different struggle. Especially now with tariffs causing prices to rise even worse than they were before.
I started the fund raiser in the hopes of some financial help. I took early retirement and social security only goes so far. Its impossible currently for me to work, even a part time or at home job of any sort. I never know when mom will call needing something. This is an on call job that never ends. Any time away has to be carefully structured and scheduled. Even then, I worry. I take them with me, not physically, but in thoughts and concerns. I trust those I know are stepping in for me, but I still bother them with phone calls or text messages checking on how things are going. I couldn't get away if not for my son. Then I feel guilty, as if I'm taking advantage of him, allowing him to pay for so much. Nothing is cheap any more. That is why I was hoping for help.
This past weekend my son took me for a weekend away. I called mom every morning. Sunday
My mother had a follow up appointment with her optometrist today over her cataract surgery. Thankfully she got a very good report. Tomorrow dad has nurses coming out from  home health care. Since that appointment is early I will probably go for mom's groceries afterward.  We are still trying to get a transport chair for dad in case he has to go somewhere with us. Hopefully the nurse will be able to tell us something tomorrow.
As it is, I do thank everyone who has helped, your financial gift is a blessing.

While I was with my mother at her follow up visit after her cataract surgery I noticed I had a text message from my primary care doctor. The text said I owed $191. ?? As soon as I got home I called and found out it was because I had gotten a tetanus shot. The insurance denied the charge. The very kind lady I spoke with told me that most insurance don't pay for vaccinations at the doctor's office and next time go to a pharmacy where it will be covered. Like that makes sense.

But, more importantly, mom and her eye is doing really well.

I was finally able to find some ankle weights for dad to help with his strength and balance. I'm hoping to get him to try them here in a few minutes but I'm not sure it will happen. The reason? My mother had cataract surgery this morning. We were up by 5:30 so she could get ready. My brother arrived to stay with dad and mom and I left at 6:30. We arrived early but I'd rather be early than late. We walked into the building at seven, she took a seat and I got her signed in. It wasn't long before she was called back. I sat out of the way as all the preparations were made. It took longer to prepare than it did for the actual surgery. They brought her back into the room and did the finish up stuff. As they finished I went to move the car to the door and got there just as they came out.

 Once mom was home I spoke briefly with my brother and cooked breakfast for dad. He was cold so I built a low fire in the wood stove. Mom was in her chair, dad was eating, so I walked home to eat myself. Just as I finished mom wanted to go to bed so I went and helped her to bed. While she rested I tidied up her kitchen.

I walked down a couple times to check on them, when she finally got up I went for a sandwich for them. I also made sure mom got the eye drops in her eye. I'll go back a couple more times, the last being to get the drops in her eye before she goes to bed. Tomorrow morning is the follow up visit with the surgeon.  Tomorrow afternoon the physical therapist will be coming out. Next week is a visit with their optometrist to follow up on her surgery.

One thing that I have planned from the beginning of this journey, was to write about everything. My hope is that by writing, and then publishing a book on the journey, it will light a candle for someone else to follow. Currently I am careful in just how much I share as I do not want to put them in any danger as there are unscrupulous people out there who take advantage of those they feel weaker than them. Even though my parents have someone with or watching out for them at all times, I don't want to risk their safety. So I write enough to guide and later will fill in the blank spaces.

As it is, I'll be looking today for the ankle weights the therapist recommended to help with his strength and balance.

The physical therapist was out today. She had called me yesterday to set up a time. Mom was worried about how her kitchen looked so I walked down and helped her get everything cleaned and organized. 

The therapist had dad doing exercises he had done before, but with a twist. She had him using ankle weights. Not a lot, just two pounds each. He did very well. She also had him standing on a cushion to work on balance as well as using a step since there is one step down off their front porch. She also had him walking again using the rolator walker doing laps around the kitchen table. 

An hour after she left the nurse came. This individual was amazing! She was knowledgeable. She was personable. She knew how and was able to deal easily with one with dementia. As she was preparing to leave I walked out to the car with her and talked briefly with her. Telling her some of what I really don't like talking about in front of dad. His fears and concerns that are unfounded to anyone but him. I wanted to make sure I told her all we are dealing with. She too said she thought we were doing things exactly as we should. I talked with her too about the transport chair. Hopefully we will hear something soon because she agreed that it would be something good to have on hand.

The occupational therapist was out today. An individual who obviously knew their stuff. After time spent talking with dad, me and mom she then had him do a few things to test his strength and balance. In the end it was decided that as of now he doesn't need occupational therapy but the physical therapist would help him work on his balance and walking. At one point she had him step into and out of the tub. It was then I noticed that the bath mat they had-note had- was not safe.

After the therapist left I got mom's list and headed to the store for her. One thing on the list, a new bath mat. One that has backing that will prevent slipping. 

The therapist is going to message the nurse and discuss the transport chair idea and see if they think dad needs that and if their insurance will cover it for them. If not, we will probably order one anyway just to have it and help keep him from tiring himself out too badly.

On another note, the music cd's I ordered for him came today and he's been enjoying them at a nice loud level. I'll wait a couple weeks and then order more for him.

Yesterday was one of the more difficult days with dad. Largely because it was one of the busiest. What with the nurse and therapist coming and then taking mom to her follow up appointment being busy enough. Then there was taking him shopping for the first time in close to if not a year. He is not accustomed to that much activity. All the walking tired him out quickly. The more tired he became, the more grouchy.

Last night he had a time of confusion, not knowing where he was. This caused him to shuffle stuff around and eventually unplug the house phone leaving mom unsure what was wrong. It simply needed to be plugged back into the wall but with everything else there with cables and wires she was at a loss at first. We know that all of the activities of yesterday brought this on. He simply got overstimulated.

My brother came and showed mom what was wrong with the phone. While he was here we discussed yesterday and came to the decision that if we are going to go anywhere that entails a good bit of walking we may need a wheelchair. Dad's age and lack of exercise causing weakening muscles has brought us to the point that it would be safer for him and less frustrating for everyone.
One more expense to look into but worth it for him.

The one thing dad loves, that I have read is what many with dementia enjoy, is their music. He will sit for hours listening to many of the variety of music compact discs that he owns. He was complaining recently that he had played the ones he has to death. Today, thanks to donations, I have ordered him two new cd's. Once I have a better idea of what his music library entails, I can order him more. I'm trying not to get duplicates. Thank you, so very much to everyone who has donated and helped make this possible. 

I am in talks with my brother on what type lighting would be best for outside their home and tracking device should he wander. That too, will be thanks to your help.

It won't allow but one image. the other cd is Country's Greatest Gospel Songs.

For those who do not know me, please allow me to explain the situation and why I started a give send go account.

Closing in on five years ago, I was laid off from my job that I was just shy a few weeks of working thirty years. I was falsely lead to believe I would be called back when things picked up and the virus problems faded. Yes, this was early in the Covid days. I lived on my unemployment until it ran out. By that time my parents had become very dependent on me. They were getting up in years and becoming less able to handle many things on their own.

Mom had a close call with her car which made her afraid to drive. Dad was beginning to forget things so it was safer for me to become their on call Uber driver.

Mom had a couple of health scares spending time in the hospital. We are getting closer at getting that issue under control after working on it for the last few years. Then dad fell causing a traumatic brain injury and sending him spiraling into the world of dementia. He spent time in the hospital before being allowed to come home.

Lord willing, Mom will soon be ninety, Dad will be ninety-six this year. While they are surrounded by family, my son and I live on one side, my sister-in-law on the other. My oldest niece and her family live in front of mom and dad. My brother has a job that understands and in an emergency he can be right there for them. The thing is, everyone else has other responsibilities for their families. My son is a help but also works full time. That leaves me. I went ahead and took early retirement to be able to be here. Physically, mentally, I could still work, but then I wouldn't be able to be here should I be needed. Mom has fallen several times recently. Its getting warm again, dad has a tendency to wander off the front porch and into the yard. So far never further, but the chance is there. Sometimes they want take out food, neither of them drive so there is me. I'm also responsible for remembering and getting them to doctor's appointments. I do the shopping. I have helped in household duties. I'm not bragging or trying to earn brownie points. I'm explaining how my need to be here and available means holding a job would be difficult. I have no clue on how to do any online, home based jobs but even those would be difficult not knowing when a call from my folks would come. I am not a crafty person, I have friends who can work magic with their abilities and equipment, but that's not me.

I sit here and watch family and friends have a life and I do get envious. I'm happy for them, glad they are able to do the things they do as they have earned those times. They work hard and need time to escape the daily drag and responsibilities. I know that this is where I am supposed to be and I'm doing what is more important than anything else. I know this time is a gift and a blessing. I do not mean for this to sound like a gripe, a complaint or a pity party because I do know I am blessed.  Sometimes, it does get hard. I'm trying to live on my social security and half of the pension from my late husband. Together that's $1500 a month total, if my house and car wasn't paid for it wouldn't make it thanks to groceries being so high. I do carefully make a list and try to hard stick to it, but its always so high. My son helps as he can, and pays his bills but he does have other responsibilities as well.
So I started the fundraiser in hopes of the generosity of others helping me in my bid to be here for them. And yes, I did post that update about the races. Maybe I shouldn't have, maybe it seemed wrong or greedy, wishful thinking maybe, or I don't know, wrong. If so, I apologize. But I do want to be upfront and honest in everything.

I know that I started this fundraiser to help me financially as I care for my parents. (Thank you to everyone who has donated, every cent will be put to good use and is greatly appreciated.) Here is the thing though. Years ago my son reminded me how much I enjoy NASCAR, whether it is on the television or even more going to the actual races. My son has a camper and last year we went to a few races and spent the weekend camping. We got the entire experience that way. He told me this week what the weekend is going to cost for one of the races we were contemplating attending.
Going to these races, getting away for a weekend, is my healing time. I know that mom and dad are under careful watch and are safe. With my brother, my niece's family and my sister-in-law all close I'm comfortable escaping for those weekends. Now I'm not sure we will be able to go as we have before.
If anyone could help with that, I and my mental-emotional health, would be deeply appreciative. These weekends are my escape, mentally, physically and emotionally. As I said, I know my folks are cared for, this is my time for me. So I can reset and prevent burnout. So I can come back rested and ready to begin again, better, stronger, rested.

Last night mom called me in a near panic. It was well after dark and dad had gone outside and she didn't know where he was. I told her I was on my way, grabbed the flashlight and was there within a couple minutes. Dad was just off the porch step looking out toward the road. He had told mom he was just going out onto the porch but then stepped out into the yard. Since he did that, we will need to put up some motion sensor lights that will illuminate the yard enough where mom can see where he is. That will calm her while I head that way. 

While I really don't worry too much about him wandering off, to say he won't would be foolishness on my part. So we're going to need some form of tags to either put in his shoes or on his person somewhere. I don't worry too much about him going far. I worry more about him falling in the dark. 

With the weather beginning to warm up, hopefully we will be able to start walking soon to build up his strength.

There was a nurse out today to see him. Looks as if we will be having home health care again for a while. Which is a good thing as it helps him focus and follow instructions better.

This thing with dementia is an odd journey. You never know from moment to moment what may happen. I took dad to his primary care doctor this week. When ever I take either of my parents to the doctor, I try to sit quietly and let them talk and or answer questions. Sometimes that isn't possible but for this visit it was. He answered all the questions, followed all instructions, and even tossed in a surprise. He asked about the doctor they once had who had retired. He not only called him by name but remembered he played in a band. His doctor was very surprised but also very pleased. When we were leaving he fluctuated back and forth about stopping at a nearby restaurant but in the end we headed for home. He mainly wanted some new music. I hope to be able to order some online for him soon.

We talked briefly with an individual from Palliative care earlier today. She asked the usual questions and then set up an appointment for a nurse to come out and visit with him. Hopefully this visit will set up a schedule for someone to come in ever so often. It's a couple of weeks away though so now we wait.

The weather is warming up finally. I'm hoping to be able to get dad out walking some at a nearby church. I'm sure getting him out of the house will do him and mom both good. He gets exercise and she gets a break.

I am deeply grateful for those who have donated. This will help me get those music cd's for dad and hopefully a location tag just in case he starts wandering with the warmer weather allowing him to be outside more.

Latest blog over on wordpress dealing with life as a careegiver. https://rebeccasrevels.wordpress.com/2025/02/28/turkey-among-swans/

The Meet and Greet. I am always on the look out for something that will get my parents out of the house even for a short time. Neither of them walk all that well when it comes to distances so it has to be something that only takes short walks. I have found a place that tries to take care of the full person. Medical and emotional. It all depends on mom though as to whether they will go, even if it is only for the community/social events. Bingo, crafts, chair yoga is only a short list. This place is also not that far from home.

I wasn't sure if mom was going to go to the meet and greet yesterday. She did not sleep well the night before and wasn't feeling well because of that. I wasn't sure if my brother, who works full time, was going to make it either as I hadn't spoken with him. It ran from 12pm to 2pm officially but I was sure that if anyone wanted or needed to leave earlier it would be fine.
I walked down to mom's at eleven to see if dad would go. He was on the couch watching television when I walked into the room. I told him that I had found a new place that I wanted him to see. They had a place where they held parties and gatherings for various reasons. I told him that maybe when they had a party when he couldn't get to his house we could go there as it was much closer. I asked if he wanted to go see the place and he said yes. I told him I would be back in about thirty minutes and we would go then. When I got back down there mom was ready to go with us.
When we arrived I parked as close as I could so they would have less distance to walk.  I got dad in first and helped him find a seat. He walked very slowly and carefully. Even though we had to cross the roadway in front of the building, this place is in a shopping center, no one got impatient with waiting on him. Once he was seated I went back for mom. She sat on one side of dad and I sat on the other. I had gotten a text from my brother letting me know he wasn't going to be able to be there so we didn't worry about saving him a seat. The place had a table of snacks set up and I got plates for mom and dad then went back for something light for me.
It wasn't long before they began the introduction part of the meeting. I sat and listened to what they were sharing, I listened to the answers to the questions of others. I asked a few myself. I had already had a tour of the facility a week ago so I didn't need that. I wanted to meet the staff and see what sort of people they were.
I left impressed.
I got mom and dad home and settled then had to make a run to the store. Dad's sweet tooth was acting out and even mom wanted a plain cake. I had to take back a pair of shoes that didn't fit so I did that first. Then, as I walked through the store mom began calling and adding to the list she had given me. I was able to find everything on the list but a light weight blanket. I may end up trying a different store or even searching online but it wasn't an essential 'I need it today item' so it can wait. I did get everything to her house and into the kitchen for her.
My son sent me a message shortly afterwards inviting me to join him out to eat. After the meal I checked to see if they had any music cd's that my dad didn't have and managed to find one. He does love his music and it does seem to help his moods. Once we got home I took it down to him and made sure they had firewood in the box. While I was there he went from he was leaving, people were coming for him, to well I guess I'll stay here.
Typical day.