The occupational therapist was out today. An individual who obviously knew their stuff. After time spent talking with dad, me and mom she then had him do a few things to test his strength and balance. In the end it was decided that as of now he doesn't need occupational therapy but the physical therapist would help him work on his balance and walking. At one point she had him step into and out of the tub. It was then I noticed that the bath mat they had-note had- was not safe.

After the therapist left I got mom's list and headed to the store for her. One thing on the list, a new bath mat. One that has backing that will prevent slipping. 

The therapist is going to message the nurse and discuss the transport chair idea and see if they think dad needs that and if their insurance will cover it for them. If not, we will probably order one anyway just to have it and help keep him from tiring himself out too badly.

On another note, the music cd's I ordered for him came today and he's been enjoying them at a nice loud level. I'll wait a couple weeks and then order more for him.

Yesterday was one of the more difficult days with dad. Largely because it was one of the busiest. What with the nurse and therapist coming and then taking mom to her follow up appointment being busy enough. Then there was taking him shopping for the first time in close to if not a year. He is not accustomed to that much activity. All the walking tired him out quickly. The more tired he became, the more grouchy.

Last night he had a time of confusion, not knowing where he was. This caused him to shuffle stuff around and eventually unplug the house phone leaving mom unsure what was wrong. It simply needed to be plugged back into the wall but with everything else there with cables and wires she was at a loss at first. We know that all of the activities of yesterday brought this on. He simply got overstimulated.

My brother came and showed mom what was wrong with the phone. While he was here we discussed yesterday and came to the decision that if we are going to go anywhere that entails a good bit of walking we may need a wheelchair. Dad's age and lack of exercise causing weakening muscles has brought us to the point that it would be safer for him and less frustrating for everyone.
One more expense to look into but worth it for him.

The one thing dad loves, that I have read is what many with dementia enjoy, is their music. He will sit for hours listening to many of the variety of music compact discs that he owns. He was complaining recently that he had played the ones he has to death. Today, thanks to donations, I have ordered him two new cd's. Once I have a better idea of what his music library entails, I can order him more. I'm trying not to get duplicates. Thank you, so very much to everyone who has donated and helped make this possible. 

I am in talks with my brother on what type lighting would be best for outside their home and tracking device should he wander. That too, will be thanks to your help.

It won't allow but one image. the other cd is Country's Greatest Gospel Songs.

For those who do not know me, please allow me to explain the situation and why I started a give send go account.

Closing in on five years ago, I was laid off from my job that I was just shy a few weeks of working thirty years. I was falsely lead to believe I would be called back when things picked up and the virus problems faded. Yes, this was early in the Covid days. I lived on my unemployment until it ran out. By that time my parents had become very dependent on me. They were getting up in years and becoming less able to handle many things on their own.

Mom had a close call with her car which made her afraid to drive. Dad was beginning to forget things so it was safer for me to become their on call Uber driver.

Mom had a couple of health scares spending time in the hospital. We are getting closer at getting that issue under control after working on it for the last few years. Then dad fell causing a traumatic brain injury and sending him spiraling into the world of dementia. He spent time in the hospital before being allowed to come home.

Lord willing, Mom will soon be ninety, Dad will be ninety-six this year. While they are surrounded by family, my son and I live on one side, my sister-in-law on the other. My oldest niece and her family live in front of mom and dad. My brother has a job that understands and in an emergency he can be right there for them. The thing is, everyone else has other responsibilities for their families. My son is a help but also works full time. That leaves me. I went ahead and took early retirement to be able to be here. Physically, mentally, I could still work, but then I wouldn't be able to be here should I be needed. Mom has fallen several times recently. Its getting warm again, dad has a tendency to wander off the front porch and into the yard. So far never further, but the chance is there. Sometimes they want take out food, neither of them drive so there is me. I'm also responsible for remembering and getting them to doctor's appointments. I do the shopping. I have helped in household duties. I'm not bragging or trying to earn brownie points. I'm explaining how my need to be here and available means holding a job would be difficult. I have no clue on how to do any online, home based jobs but even those would be difficult not knowing when a call from my folks would come. I am not a crafty person, I have friends who can work magic with their abilities and equipment, but that's not me.

I sit here and watch family and friends have a life and I do get envious. I'm happy for them, glad they are able to do the things they do as they have earned those times. They work hard and need time to escape the daily drag and responsibilities. I know that this is where I am supposed to be and I'm doing what is more important than anything else. I know this time is a gift and a blessing. I do not mean for this to sound like a gripe, a complaint or a pity party because I do know I am blessed.  Sometimes, it does get hard. I'm trying to live on my social security and half of the pension from my late husband. Together that's $1500 a month total, if my house and car wasn't paid for it wouldn't make it thanks to groceries being so high. I do carefully make a list and try to hard stick to it, but its always so high. My son helps as he can, and pays his bills but he does have other responsibilities as well.
So I started the fundraiser in hopes of the generosity of others helping me in my bid to be here for them. And yes, I did post that update about the races. Maybe I shouldn't have, maybe it seemed wrong or greedy, wishful thinking maybe, or I don't know, wrong. If so, I apologize. But I do want to be upfront and honest in everything.

I know that I started this fundraiser to help me financially as I care for my parents. (Thank you to everyone who has donated, every cent will be put to good use and is greatly appreciated.) Here is the thing though. Years ago my son reminded me how much I enjoy NASCAR, whether it is on the television or even more going to the actual races. My son has a camper and last year we went to a few races and spent the weekend camping. We got the entire experience that way. He told me this week what the weekend is going to cost for one of the races we were contemplating attending.
Going to these races, getting away for a weekend, is my healing time. I know that mom and dad are under careful watch and are safe. With my brother, my niece's family and my sister-in-law all close I'm comfortable escaping for those weekends. Now I'm not sure we will be able to go as we have before.
If anyone could help with that, I and my mental-emotional health, would be deeply appreciative. These weekends are my escape, mentally, physically and emotionally. As I said, I know my folks are cared for, this is my time for me. So I can reset and prevent burnout. So I can come back rested and ready to begin again, better, stronger, rested.

Last night mom called me in a near panic. It was well after dark and dad had gone outside and she didn't know where he was. I told her I was on my way, grabbed the flashlight and was there within a couple minutes. Dad was just off the porch step looking out toward the road. He had told mom he was just going out onto the porch but then stepped out into the yard. Since he did that, we will need to put up some motion sensor lights that will illuminate the yard enough where mom can see where he is. That will calm her while I head that way. 

While I really don't worry too much about him wandering off, to say he won't would be foolishness on my part. So we're going to need some form of tags to either put in his shoes or on his person somewhere. I don't worry too much about him going far. I worry more about him falling in the dark. 

With the weather beginning to warm up, hopefully we will be able to start walking soon to build up his strength.

There was a nurse out today to see him. Looks as if we will be having home health care again for a while. Which is a good thing as it helps him focus and follow instructions better.

This thing with dementia is an odd journey. You never know from moment to moment what may happen. I took dad to his primary care doctor this week. When ever I take either of my parents to the doctor, I try to sit quietly and let them talk and or answer questions. Sometimes that isn't possible but for this visit it was. He answered all the questions, followed all instructions, and even tossed in a surprise. He asked about the doctor they once had who had retired. He not only called him by name but remembered he played in a band. His doctor was very surprised but also very pleased. When we were leaving he fluctuated back and forth about stopping at a nearby restaurant but in the end we headed for home. He mainly wanted some new music. I hope to be able to order some online for him soon.

We talked briefly with an individual from Palliative care earlier today. She asked the usual questions and then set up an appointment for a nurse to come out and visit with him. Hopefully this visit will set up a schedule for someone to come in ever so often. It's a couple of weeks away though so now we wait.

The weather is warming up finally. I'm hoping to be able to get dad out walking some at a nearby church. I'm sure getting him out of the house will do him and mom both good. He gets exercise and she gets a break.

I am deeply grateful for those who have donated. This will help me get those music cd's for dad and hopefully a location tag just in case he starts wandering with the warmer weather allowing him to be outside more.

Latest blog over on wordpress dealing with life as a careegiver. https://rebeccasrevels.wordpress.com/2025/02/28/turkey-among-swans/

The Meet and Greet. I am always on the look out for something that will get my parents out of the house even for a short time. Neither of them walk all that well when it comes to distances so it has to be something that only takes short walks. I have found a place that tries to take care of the full person. Medical and emotional. It all depends on mom though as to whether they will go, even if it is only for the community/social events. Bingo, crafts, chair yoga is only a short list. This place is also not that far from home.

I wasn't sure if mom was going to go to the meet and greet yesterday. She did not sleep well the night before and wasn't feeling well because of that. I wasn't sure if my brother, who works full time, was going to make it either as I hadn't spoken with him. It ran from 12pm to 2pm officially but I was sure that if anyone wanted or needed to leave earlier it would be fine.
I walked down to mom's at eleven to see if dad would go. He was on the couch watching television when I walked into the room. I told him that I had found a new place that I wanted him to see. They had a place where they held parties and gatherings for various reasons. I told him that maybe when they had a party when he couldn't get to his house we could go there as it was much closer. I asked if he wanted to go see the place and he said yes. I told him I would be back in about thirty minutes and we would go then. When I got back down there mom was ready to go with us.
When we arrived I parked as close as I could so they would have less distance to walk.  I got dad in first and helped him find a seat. He walked very slowly and carefully. Even though we had to cross the roadway in front of the building, this place is in a shopping center, no one got impatient with waiting on him. Once he was seated I went back for mom. She sat on one side of dad and I sat on the other. I had gotten a text from my brother letting me know he wasn't going to be able to be there so we didn't worry about saving him a seat. The place had a table of snacks set up and I got plates for mom and dad then went back for something light for me.
It wasn't long before they began the introduction part of the meeting. I sat and listened to what they were sharing, I listened to the answers to the questions of others. I asked a few myself. I had already had a tour of the facility a week ago so I didn't need that. I wanted to meet the staff and see what sort of people they were.
I left impressed.
I got mom and dad home and settled then had to make a run to the store. Dad's sweet tooth was acting out and even mom wanted a plain cake. I had to take back a pair of shoes that didn't fit so I did that first. Then, as I walked through the store mom began calling and adding to the list she had given me. I was able to find everything on the list but a light weight blanket. I may end up trying a different store or even searching online but it wasn't an essential 'I need it today item' so it can wait. I did get everything to her house and into the kitchen for her.
My son sent me a message shortly afterwards inviting me to join him out to eat. After the meal I checked to see if they had any music cd's that my dad didn't have and managed to find one. He does love his music and it does seem to help his moods. Once we got home I took it down to him and made sure they had firewood in the box. While I was there he went from he was leaving, people were coming for him, to well I guess I'll stay here.
Typical day.