First of all... Thank you to everyone who has given, contributed and shared every shape and form of support from little to a lot… every act of kindness and generosity has not gone unnoticed. We are grateful for you all. 

It is time for an update… We saw lots of improvement as we completed ’s antibiotic cycle. 

Towards the end of May, I decided to discontinue the IC treatments due to the positive progress. He was perching again, always had a good appetite & there hasn’t been any change in weight. 

Last Saturday, I moved all the birds on the covered patio side of my house to get some afternoon sunshine. It was a beautiful sunny day, the outside temperature was 81°. I fed everyone at 4pm and everyone was eating as normal. Then about an hour later, I prepared to leave to go fruit shopping. I was actively placing security cameras on the birds. Even though I had a couple of assistants present, I like to be able to keep watch myself, wherever I am.

To my horror, I looked down & found lying sideways in his kennel. He appeared to be fading, this was a terrifying sight to see. I gasped & panicked. Then alerted my assistants & then brought inside. His body felt hot. I quickly handed him off to my assistant who quickly took him to the sink to run cool water on his body, while I ran to retrieve my vet kit. 

I was in shock.. I quickly returned to my assistant who appeared to be attempting CPR on him. I was in complete denial - I didn’t even know if he was still alive, we believed he may have been hanging on. I was in full panic mode.. I wept as loaded my needles with electrolyte fluid while I had my other assistant prep a syringe water. We administered fluids & despite our efforts, didn’t appear to be breathing -- or accepting the fluids. I then quickly retrieved my stethoscope & attempted to find a heartbeat… any beat at all… I could almost imagine something but it was my own pounding loud in my chest.. there was nothing coming from him. The quiet, the lifelessness, the void of a beat just killed me.. I choked out the words: “he’s gone..”.

My assistant refused to accept this fate. He tried to resuscitate but it was no use. None of us were ready for him to depart. The harsh reality hit - had passed on and we were forced to say goodbye. We held him, scritched & pet him as we cried. ’s body had cooled down & his eyes started to dry up. I kept holding him until his body started to stiffen. I didn’t want to let go… how badly I missed him!

The overwhelming emotions disabled me & my brain fought back logically - I realized I can not be selfish, his little spirit is no longer in there - it was now just a lifeless shell..

There’s so many mixed emotions. I felt the guilt and frustration of not being able to keep him from any possible suffering in his last moments.. I don’t know what he experienced. I don’t know what he felt or what he needed. I wished that I could have held him as he took his last breath. I blamed myself & was overwhelmed in the pain of loss and didn’t know what to do with myself. I kept having to say aloud that will no longer suffer or have to endure any pain or any future medical treatments. He is now in his afterlife flying somewhere.

I brought his body out to the other flock members. I told them he was no longer with us and showed his lifeless body to them, so they could see, in case they may have some sense of understanding.. (birds in flocks always account for each other). I gently placed his little body in a zip lock bag, recorded his weight & stored him into the refrigerator to preserve his tissues for necropsy. The body must be refrigerated (not frozen) for the best evaluation results.

Unfortunately, it was Saturday evening & no vets or local animal clinics were open. I called my vet & left a voicemail for instructions. I felt distressed with a strong sense of urgency. I did not know his age.. I yearn for answers and closure. 

Just because he was disabled, didn’t mean that he was dying. Despite the vet visit last month, all of the recent bloodwork, X-rays, microbiome tests, came out good. There was no expectation or justification for the sudden death. All of our findings deemed he was in normal limits. 

In the prior week had been perching on his high ropes again. 

I finally received a call from my vet, Dr. Molnar on Sunday late afternoon (exactly 24 hours post mortem) and I filled him in with the details. He said the body must be examined within 24 hours of death because of the rapid progression of tissue decomposition. Dr. M asked me to deliver ’s body to his practice immediately so that he could harvest the organs and preserve them. Once they are in formaldehyde, the tissues can be evaluated and studied for necropsy and histopathology for years. These examinations and findings are very necessary.. they are the most important data contributions that contribute to studies and research of captive toucans. There are so many mysteries, very little practice & documentation when it comes to these exotics.

I’ve debated whether or not I would post this, as it is one of the most difficult things I have ever done. This is the ugly side of reality and an experience of what it entails to lose a loved one. Humans and husbandry are responsible for the outcome. People can contribute and make impacts both negatively and positively. I choose to be here & share my experience with the opportunity I’ve been given and be a voice on their behalf. 

I’ve constantly question myself; “Am I strong enough? Was I built for this? No..” However, I am not doing this for me.. The mission is not about me, my needs and my feelings. I will need to continuously make the choice to dedicate myself and my life to this cause because these babies deserve to be loved and fought for. 

We are going to continue to share the campaign for ’s legacy.. we are still paying for the veterinarian bills and added costs of necropsy and histopathology. We also plan on memorializing 's skeletal remains (vs an urn with ashes) as a tangible donation & testament for research and reference to The Toucan Center.

There are many prices of death. The only thing that comes free is the pain and suffering of the deceased.

Fly high, boy. 🪽 He is greatly missed. 💔

Memoirs and media memorabilia of Mr. T / will be posted on Instagram and Facebook. 🤍