My testimony is something that I am just becoming comfortable enough in knowing just how empowering and enlightening that all my stories and tribulations may be. Throughout the pain, hardships, constant struggles, disappointments, failures, betrayals, abandonments, Set backs, deliberate acts to slander me, ruin me, belittle me, block me, harm me, spite me, refuse me, constantly making Me remain in an unenlightened low vibration, I have graciously learned and gained much wisdom and felt much sorrow. I’ve took every single battle as an opportunity for knowledge. I embraced the wrongs that were attacked upon me and somewhere in my mind I learned to turn it into a positive experience or opportunity for gain. It’s kinda ironic how I’m a natural born leader in a world with no followers, a spiritual enthusiast with healing capabilities, though I can’t heal myself of all these wounds. I’ve learned that the only way I experience wholeness as one with my Mother Earth, pureness, happiness from my heart and soul, is by that of healing or helping others along their journey. Sharing ideas, forming opinions, welcoming of insight, sharing amongst open minds and expressing a willingness to learn. I’ve helped those that have deliberately worked against me. I have fed and housed my darkest enemies. I’ve cried enough that I caused this huge conflict within my own understanding that I surely have reached levels of dehydration. I’ve lost my mother, 2013, my grandmother 2014 and my fiancé, my best friend, my soul mate, 2015. And One if the hardest to swallow, my beautiful sister, 2021. Everyday I’ve found a way to smile, laugh, and have enough strength to wake up and do it all over again. I’ve lifted myself out of dark dark realms time and time again. I suffer from some psychological issues that I feel were even embedded within my blood, my genetic code of life. I’m not sure if I’m absolutely crazy or if it’s this all powering intuition that reminds me of my devout faith and loyalty to the universe, ‘God’, and some understanding of how this world works. Balance, duality, masculine and feminine energies that we all have inside of us, polars, magnetism, the cosmos, astrology, the occult, and much more that I hope and wish to explore deeper. My family has refused to advise me of my inheritance, my other family has refused me of my sense of self, confidence, my energy, my individuality and even restricted my ability to take care of myself. Whether this a means of codependency that has spread amongst my generation and previous generations or just a learning aspect upon parenting, I’m determined to break these toxic chains. My kindness and generosity has been horribly mistaken for great weakness. However I refuse to allow that to define me. It don’t matter what I have to go through, my spirit will not break. My character will not budge, I cannot stoop to their levels of digression. I won’t respond in an energy of the same sort. It doesn’t matter how many times they attempt to break me and to what extreme extent they go, I will prevail, by the grace of god and the ever so present energies that existence within our universe.

I want to write, I want to be able to enlighten, inspire, and even teach others some of these valuable lessons I have learnt. I’m often unheard, pushed aside, talked over, or even laughed at for my inputs... but I know my worth, I know my intelligence, and I have strong faith and desire to spread the love that I have and share the knowledge I’ve gained. 

Every time I seem to get a foresight of a break, it all tumbles and crashes down before I even feel the warmth of its embrace. My taxes have been stole by my hired on husband, who undoubtedly was sent to marry me to gain some kind of access to my inheritance. He’s opened bank accounts, cashed bad checks through these accounts, forged my name,  and even misrepresent me and the use of my daughters vital information. He refuses to divorce but absolutely is not with me in the least. He flaunted his affair even in our small town friendly courthouse with falsified statements against me and even mockery because he was actually the one guilty for the crime committed. The local police helped him obtain my vehicle out of my yard, no license, no insurance, no tag and no proof of ownership. Along with his 12 page wrapsheet of larcenies, b&e, drug charges, countless driving offenses and still helped him literally steal my vehicle out of my yard. As he cuddled and smooched his tramp/dope head mistress just months after our marriage in the same court house. I couldn’t even begin to share the amount of emotional, psychological, physical, spiritual abuse, neglect and abandonment that he continues to embark on my life.

I’m not asking for sympathy, I’m not wishing for pity. I’m just having an extremely hard time bouncing myself back up with the act that had now interfered and affected my daughter. 

She disobeyed me and practically ran away or was kidnapped by her father whom refused to send her back and take no for an answer. 

Now left stricken and jaded, I wouldn’t be proud  of myself if I showed this selfish desire that boils inside me, longing for my daughters presence and the need to raise her. I can’t help but see the grand opportunity that she may have in the location. She’s longed for her fathers love and attention since a very young age. She never really had chance to see him much by his own account, but now he has the ability to do what I’ve done alone for 12 years. 

However, what my youngin doesn’t realize is he’s only doing this in an attempt to dismiss his need to pay his child support arrears of 7000 dollars. If my youngin realizes this, she’ll be crushed. If I inform her of this she’ll resent me and prolly remain in an utter disbelief. So what do I do? I have to let her learn for herself right? I’m not sure but I will put forth all that I have to endure that I do what’s ultimately best for all parties involved. My story is filled with broken moments, but I’m ready to mend a lot of those even without their willingness to mend as well. I just want to be able to see my baby. North Carolina to Colorado isn’t exactly spontaneous road trip material for someone that’s lost it all and loses anything she gains. I have no means. My financial means have been cut off, my transportation, even my home. I try to keep to myself to try and pass all g The attacks of advantage took from me. I have no help. My dad is struggling to keep bills paid and still open arms to my living at his home. I refuse to create more burden and expense. It also creates drama within other neighboring factors, and my family has practically forgotten about me I think. 

I want to take a trip to Colorado to see my youngin and spend some quality time together before we endure another length of time without each other. I’ve also been trying to save up for nearly 10 years to purchase myself a MacBook Pro in order to start playing around with music again and start writing again. Every time that dream is looking like it’s about to come true, something happens. I end up having to spend it elsewhere, someone else end s up needing sone help, or disgustingly it’s stolen from me. 

I hope you find this in your hearts and I wish you all the best in your endeavors and I gratefully thank everyone for your time, attention and help.